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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MNers should make a stand and stop this competitive gift giving to primary teachers?

222 replies

LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 23/06/2012 16:07

When did this nonsense begin? Is it really necessary? Just stop for crying out loud, they do get paid.

It will only get worse and worse unless people start to rein things in. AIBU to think we (MN) should change the trend?

OP posts:
youarekidding · 23/06/2012 16:56

I don't have the funds for expensive gifts (or any gift at all really!).

I tend to make some gingerbread cookies with DS - he decorates them.

I do buy something for the teacher - last year was a beautiful metal clip on bookmark with a butterfly pendent hanging off it. (well I liked it) and it was only £1.99. (I was uite surprised how cheap it was!)

YANBU RE: competitive gift giving. In fact as someone who works in a school myself I can find it quite awkward when parents give something of high value.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2012 16:57

Meant to say...

YANBU. I wouldn't tell anyone what they should spend their money on but it doesn't stop me thinking they're a twat for buying big lavish gifts.

It's becoming less about the sentiment and more about money every single year.

Socknickingpixie · 23/06/2012 17:02

There is a gratuity policy for the LA apparently they have to have one most will contain guidence on accepting but not encourageing token gifts a token gift would be something inexpensive they all should state rules on none token gifts or anything that has a cash value gift vouchers and cash as well as none token gifts require paperwork filling out and tax declarations.
Your gift may well be more grief than you would wish to cause if they are regular in anyway such as yearly Or irregular but not of token value then to not declare them to work could be misconduct to not tell hmrc and/or benefits agency if ANY means tested benefits are recived (not all teachers work full time housing benefit may be an issue but tax certainly is) is fraud.

Most teachers I know would be chuffed to bits with a heartfelt token gift from a child but once that gift becomes obvious that it has come from a parent due to it's none token value it becomes cringeworthy and may even cost them money as some schools will ask staff to donate value of gift to a charity or to donate the gift itself.

Mho a small none value token gift should the child wish to give one is acceptable charming and fine
a ostentatious or none token value gift a parent gives if given during school time and on school grounds big no no as it ceases to be a token

Blatherskite · 23/06/2012 17:03

I've got something for this years teacher as I think she's had quite a tough time (taking over the class 1 term in from a much loved teacher and yet slotting in perfectly and dramatically pulling up the standard of DS's reading too!) and I want her to know that we appreciate the effort she's gone to. Plus, DS adores her. I've spent less than £10 but it's a gift DS and I chose together and I hope she'll like it. I reserve the right to not bother in years to come though.

If it's an automatic thing, it becomes meaningless surely?

LynetteScavo · 23/06/2012 17:06

What are these high value gifts? I need examples.

I won't be giving a gift to DSs teachers this year because I don't like them.

LucieMay · 23/06/2012 17:11

I think the giving of any gifts to teachers is a load of bollocks. We don't buy presents for doctors, for example. Why teachers?

EvilTwins · 23/06/2012 17:11

My mum was a teacher for many many years. Every year she got piles of presents- mostly chocs or smellies, the occasional "World's Best Teacher" teddy Grin or interesting (ahem) ornament, so this is no way a new thing.

Last year, one of the other Mums in my DTD's class sent me a text saying that she was doing a collection if I would like to contribute. I politely declined, pointing out that I would rather my girls chose their own gift (they're good at choosing wine Smile). Surely the best way to deal with the competitive gift-giving is not to join in, rather than mount a MN campaign and/or get ratty with people for wanting to say thank you to someone they feel deserves it.

Incidentally, I always buy an end of year gift for my TA (am secondary teacher) and after the school play this year (I teach drama) got a gift for the reprographics lady and the admin lady as they did way more than is expected to produce posters and tickets etc. Nothing wrong with showing appreciation, though it doesn't have to include spending money.

EvilTwins · 23/06/2012 17:15

Lucie when I had my twins, the nurse's station in maternity was full of cards, biscuits, chocolates and other gifts from patients. That can't be unusual. People often give Xmas gifts to their postman/ paperboy/ window cleaner. I don't believe it's just teachers.

EvilTwins · 23/06/2012 17:16

nurses' - bloody autocorrect.

Socknickingpixie · 23/06/2012 17:18

Having recently phoned a headmaster to ask I have been informed that his school and most he has worked at would concider any item costing more than a couple of quid to be a none pocket money gift and if a class of 30 kids clubbed togather each spending £1 to buy one large gift then that would be concidered unacceptable he said things like anything homemade chocs stationary bookmarks any charity related item of low value were all the types of things that would be ok a book as long as it wasnt over about a fiver may be ok but more dosh than that and it's a no no none of his teachers would be able to keep them also his teachers are not able to accept wine as a child cannot legally buy it

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 23/06/2012 17:19

No, its not just teachers.
But giving a gift to your midwives after the birth of a baby/babies is a one/two/three off thing (sometimes more).
Some people buy gifts for teachers at the end of every term plus Christmas, easter and even valentines Confused

I honestly do like teachers Grin

Destrier · 23/06/2012 17:21

Honestly, I think you should all just MYOB. It's between the gifter and the giftee...

Smile
Original poster
LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 23/06/2012 17:21

ET you have a TA? Your own? In secondary?

OP posts:
GreenEggsAndNichts · 23/06/2012 17:24

I've never posted in these teacher gift threads, but I thought I should put my 2 cents worth in here. My grandmother was a teacher, and she had a small collection of little knickknacks/ toys her students had given her over the years. She collected Snoopy and Woodstock-related items. I don't know if she started that, or the students did for her. Grin

Anyway, when my son is old enough, I think I will try to get him to write a little card for his teachers, or do something along those lines. I've never known a teacher who didn't like some feedback from their students. (not that I don't think a bottle of wine would be unappreciated! But I like the idea of something personal)

EvilTwins · 23/06/2012 17:30

Loopy - I'm head of 6th form. Her official title is Pastoral Assistant, and she does literally everything from in-class support with SEN students to counselling them about boyfriends to listening to their problems with parents/ teachers/ homework to convincing them not to ditch their university interviews because they're scared. She is wonderful and the 6th form would fall apart without her. She is employed as a TA though.

ilovesooty · 23/06/2012 17:30

It's between the gifter and the giftee

I disagree. I think there are ethical considerations.

cocolepew · 23/06/2012 17:30

Im a ca in a special school and parents buy me presents which I am very grateful for, but there is no way that any of the cas or teachers I work with expect anything.

Original poster
LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 23/06/2012 17:31

Oh I see, that makes sense. Was getting jealous!

OP posts:
Tamoo · 23/06/2012 17:33

I don't have a problem with gift giving but I do have a problem with one parent taking it upon themselves to do a whip round and then being made to feel shit if you don't contribute. Last year I'd already taken DS out and let him choose presents for his teachers (which were useful and fun and very 'him'), the next week at school one of the other mums was collecting money off everyone to buy flowers. For one thing, me giving money would totally remove DS from the process; for another, I fail to see how spending £60 on flowers is, er, a good way to spend £60.

Another parent was doing the whip round this year and she walked right past me in the playground. Anyway, DS has already chosen his gifts (and enjoyed doing so) and made his own cards. He needs extra support at school and has been a bit of a 'challenge' this year and I'm pleased to spend a few quid just to express the fact that the teachers' patience and extra input has been gratefully noted.

hockeyforjockeys · 23/06/2012 17:33

Get them a big glass bottle of bubble bath from M&S with a nice ribbon on it and maybe some chocolate. Was enough 'in my day'.

That's what I still get. I'm always agog to hear of some of the extravagant gifts some teachers get, because they certainly never come my way!

My favourite presents are little tokens from children who have been a real challenge - I got the most beautiful bunch of Fairtrade red roses from a girl who had driven me mad all year, but I know she got them herself with her pocket money so they meant an awful lot to me. I also got a jigsaw from a charity shop from a girl who I had taught the previous year, it was bizzare but the note she wrote with was so lovely that the puzzle has pride of place of my bookshelf!

The least meaningful was a charity collection from all the parents that went to a charity that I have no interest in, it felt so impersonal. However I had some lovely parents come and thank me personally at the end of year party which meant an awful lot to me (had had a pretty crappy year).

ENormaSnob · 23/06/2012 17:39

As a midwife we often receive gifts of flowers, chocs and biscuits.

These are communal though and any gift of high value is not allowed.

My favourite gifts from a patient have been a tube of hand cream and a jar of coffee. The also were shared with colleagues.

SkinnyMalinkiLongLegs · 23/06/2012 17:40

I've never come across competitive gift buying. It's all chocs, candles and best teacher mugs at our schools. I stopped buying anything when I overheard a teacher discussing with a collegue all "the tat" she was going to receive at the end of term.
That put me off buying again. To be fair though just what do teachers do with 30 odd best teacher mugs Grin

Destrier · 23/06/2012 17:41

Then there are ethical considerations with every gift. Maybe we should ban gifts worldwide

ilovesooty · 23/06/2012 17:44

The ethical considerations depend on your profession.

If those working with vulnerable people receive/accept gifts there should be guidelines and it should be monitored.

Socknickingpixie · 23/06/2012 17:48

That's a bit twatish there is a heap of a difference between the ethical conciderations of personal none employment related gift giving and public or employment related gift giving