To think MNers should make a stand and stop this competitive gift giving to primary teachers?

[LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops]

When did this nonsense begin? Is it really necessary? Just stop for crying out loud, they do get paid.

It will only get worse and worse unless people start to rein things in. AIBU to think we (MN) should change the trend?

Are you talking to me Posie? Sorry I didn't read the entire thread.

I don't know! Am on an iPad and haven't got lenses in.....but my whole comment not the whole thread, that would be very dull!

I've got DS's teacher a really pretty printed tote bag that he picked - just big enough for lugging homework folders - that I was going to fold up and tie with a ribbon for DS to give her along with the card he chose. It cost £6.

If the general concensus is that it'll go to the charity shop, I'll keep it for myself and send in a box of chocolates for them all to share!

My mum works at a school, none of the teachers she knows throw pressies away, they love knowing the kids adore them so much!

I can't believe some teachers actually do that. :(

I love the steppemum story too.

This: "When I was a child, I LOVED it when we would sit and give our teacher her presents. Always made us feel so special" is my point. There will be children (OK, not in Posie's school) who can't give a present. I don't imagine they LOVE it.

Oh dear, these threads can be really depressing.

I think the few exceptions of extravagant gifts get shouted about a lot (because it is. frankly, bonkers to be spending a squillion quid), and that the norm in primaries is cards, wine, chocolates, homemade cakes or biscuits etc. Therefore there is a distorted sense of what happens in schools.

I couldn't honestly tell you who gave me what 10 years ago. And homemade biscuits are just as much appreciated as Cath Kidston bags or whatever.

Most teachers cherish what they get, I would say. It's the thought that counts.

And £60k a year? I need to work in a private school in London!! That's more than 3x my wages! And those that say teachers are only doing what they get paid to do - I find most teachers go above and beyond call of duty (hours outside school time trying to work out how to deal with friendship issues, taking the class on a residential - which no, teachers are not paid for).

Parents are adults, they can choose what to do at the end of term. I love a handmade card, personally. Last year I got a hug as a gift

YANBU!

I was thinking this just the other day! I never gave my teachers presents - why do they need/want presents?!

I think it's all a bit competitive and some parents genuinely don't have the money to spend on these sort of extras. Personally I'd rather spend the money on the kids than the bloody teachers...grrr!

There are some families that cannot afford to give, they still sign the big card and get to be part of the collective gift and it's always 'only give if you can'. In fact I guess a collection is better than individual gifts if it is run like ours.

I'm sorry Loopy, I wasn't meaning to be callous. :(

I see your point now.

I helped out reading in one of my kids grade 1 classes in junior school in Canada and the teacher gave me a $50 book voucher.
I did it very regularly and very discretely but still

As for teachers gifts, I would do something small and personal if anything. I seem to remember a bath bomb or bar of soap in a hand decorated scribbled brown sandwich bag always went down well? I wouldn't want to do anything remotely flashy but if other parents did then it wouldn't bother me ( or my kids) I just wouldn't get involved.

When I was a child I mostly went to a school where present-giving was not the norm, then I moved school. It became clear that children were planning to give presents to the teacher and I asked my Mum for some money to do the same. Not being accustomed to it, my parents refused and I felt awful and ashamed. The next year I stole some money from an uncle to buy bath salts for the teacher, just to avoid feeling left out

Life is not fair, not having money will always be shit, no use in trying to accommodate that all of the time. If people are flashy and rub your nose in it then that just makes them twats.

I've never considered it "competitive", I don't think any other parents I know do either.

Maybe the competitive is just the private school thing. I have never had anything more expensive than a bottle of wine and some don't give a present. It is a free choice!

A friend of mine once told me that she got a bunch of wilted wildflowers from a group of girls in her Y2 class.They had picked them on a Brownie walk the previous evening.She was very touched as it had obviously been entirely the childrens idea

My sister teaches in a private school abroad. Her presents are amazing! Jewellery, hairdressing vouchers etc. Am def on the wrong career path

do schools have guidelines limits on presents received?
it is heartening to read the teachers comments and pleasure derived from gifts sincerely given.

it is reassuring teachers don't have a sense of entitlement and oh well present is the least they can expect for job done. as it's not about the gift at all. a sincere and genuinely meant acknowledgement is kind and nice to receive.

I have been v fortunate and had v good teachers and ta
good nursery staff too
they have made such a positive contribution

In my experience, teachers prefer handmade cards to anything else. Hate the 'competetive mummies' thing. I only ever gave a plant or some flowers to teachers that had been extra helpful,when my kids were in primary. When I was in primary,myself, it was usually only a card or flowers from children/mums.
Someone said other public sector workers don't get gifts, but when I worked in a hospital as a receptionist we were often given chocolates/biscuits/hand-made cross-stich bookmarks etc, usually from elderly patients,mostly at christmas or after a long strech of treatment where we got to know them quite well.
Teachers who get big boxes of chocs or biscuits usually put them in the staff room for everyone. It's not that dissimilar from tips really is it, except we are not allowed to receive money? There was a thread on here about tips and a lot of people seem to thing there was nothing wrong with that, and a similar amount thought it was...myself included.
I'd say, if you want to, do it,if you don't...you really won't be judged by staff, it's up to you. Take no notice of the competetive mums!!

agree
it's the pushy parents who are problematic. they create the competitive giving and ask for specific amounts to buy big blingy gifts. and want the ta dah moment of giving the gift,to be arse licky and hope it creates favour (which it won't)

this notion of present is the least you can do, it's parents driving that sentiment
not teachers

I can see why the OP does not get gifts if she is so sour about this.

I am a reluctant class rep so had to do the Christmas collection. I gave everyone an envelope with 2 envelopes inside. I made it very clear that the contribition was voluntary. Parents who wanted to join in were to return money in one envelope and a sticker, with a blurb from their child to put in the card, in the other envelope. Being part of the card had no link to contribution and I had no idea who donated what. I think about 18 parents contributed a total of £130. Some parents gave their own presents but I am not sure what.

There was nothing remotely competitive and the teacher and TA seemed happy. I cannot see the harm.

I don't think op is sour she's well observed on the competitive giving
and maybe it is only so prominent at primary.no idea how it gies at secondary

Dd is in class 1 at independent school.
Here is how gift giving works at school.
Alpha mum sends email deciding that she is going to collect for teachers.
Everyone else who is scared of alpha mum gives in and contributes.
Alpha mum decrees the amount, and the proportion spent on teacher vs TA.
Apparently TA job unimportant[hmmmm] so she will get less.
Alpha mum then hunts you down if you refuse to join in.
All the mums say oh it's so much easier to do class gift.
So you pay up to alpha bitch who has taken to stalking me in car park to get the money.
So on the last day of school you turn up with card cos you have given to class gift.
Quelle surprise all the other little runts and their brain dead mothers rock up with a special gift for teacher, just from the child...

You really don't have to play. I don't acknowledge that there is such a thing as 'alpha mum' except in their own head. I would just say 'sorry we have a lovely lot of flowers in the garden, I am picking a bunch and Freddie is taking them in with a card he made'. The teacher will like it much better-especially if Freddie has written his own message that hasn't been dictated by mother.

crickey
sounds familiar
we get emails,text and chased up
and queen bee choses blingy gift which she presents with more aplomb than the oscars in an arselicky manner