To think MNers should make a stand and stop this competitive gift giving to primary teachers?

[LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops]

When did this nonsense begin? Is it really necessary? Just stop for crying out loud, they do get paid.

It will only get worse and worse unless people start to rein things in. AIBU to think we (MN) should change the trend?

No one should feel obliged to give a gift to the teacher. The relationship between a teacher and students is a bit different to other public sector workers though. You don't spend six hours a day for 190 days with your doctor - unless you're getting very special treatment! Im very grateful to dd's teachers and will give a gift. I don't really like collections-we did one last year and it felt really impersonal. This year I'm doing homemade - and I'm so unlikely to rock the boat I guess I'll fork out for the collection too. But especially don't like it that the amount is dictated.

One year at DS's school a couple of parents thought it would be nice to send one of the teachers back to their home country to see their other half and children. Lovely idea but

They wanted XX amount for the air fare.

Pretty soon a letter came out from the head master saying no one has to do this, not to be pressured and it was completely not endorsed by the school.

Now with my teacher hat on...I absolutely loved sincerely written notes by either student or parent. Can't say I minded the lovely chocs, wine and flowers either but would never have expected anything and would be horrified parents feeling pressured into contributing. The only time there was a collection I have to say it was by a very attention seeking patent.

I don't do teacher gifts, though I was slightly swept along by it in year 1 and produced some biscuits which I suppose could have been made by ds if I had had the energy to crowbar him into helping - they certainly looked rubbish enough. I'm sure the teacher was delighted

I then got over myself.

A collection?

As a parent I would find this horrid - not personal, people knowing how much i have given etc. Someimtes the nice things are to wrap things nice, DD write card herself etc

As a teacher I think i would feel a bit weird getting something of high money value and maybe not so personal. Also would feel worried that some poeple would have felt pushed into giving.

I teach in a 6th form and have really good relationships with students and their parents. I rarely get cards and presents as my big kids have so much going on around exam time. One kids asked me what my favourite chocs were and said to her,e quite sincerely that it was my job to teach them and that I adored them becuase they worked so hard and were fun to be with. And that this made me lucky so do I need a present.

Completely contradicting myself - I received a little bunch of flowers and a card this year, prob as I have been made redundant and the fact it had been thought about (in between a driving test, Uni auditions, exams etc) really was much more touching than anything worth money.

But, also if people have lots of money and want to spend it on another persion that has helped and added to their kids life - whats the problem. As long as its descreet and not showy offy...

Arselicky?

To thank someone that has educated your child for a year? Funny. Most parents at the school my children attend live in nicer areas, have bigger houses and earn at least five times the amount a teacher earns. Buying them an end of year gift is the least they can do.

I wouldn't want to do a collection-but a personalised thank you is lovely. I don't want to do a 'MNetters stand'. You don't have to give presents-there is no obligation.

Unless someone is being forced to contribute when they don't want to/ or contribute more than they want/ can afford, I repeat: it is no one else's business.

IMO

yes arselicky to conspicuously spend or suggest amounts to give
as the teachers on thread attest,it's not about the present,the amount
it's the sincerity,and given freely without social pressure

I have great respect for the teachers they've done fab job. I however do not need to show my gratitude solely financially.I give handmade card and some tablet.

those parents who conspicuously give, and want big contributions.it's all about them,not about the teacher. it's arselickey and obsequious to give showy presents. perhaps some parents are hoping for some preferential treatment

Buying them an end of year gift is the least they can do

Why? I think thanking a teacher who's done a good job is the least they can do. It doesn't have to involve lobbing their money at the teacher who earns less.

Teachers are paid to do the job to the best of their ability and to do a professional job with professional boundaries.

agree with JamieOliveOil

it's only competitive if you blab about how much you gave etc

if you just give her a gift discreetly, what is the problem?

if she wasnt there every day, your kid wouldnt know how to read or write so well. Perhaps.

They do collections at the dds school, if you want to contribute then you just put some money in an envelope in class reps draw, it's anonymous, and there is no set amount. I have contributed in the past, but have also bought something just from us. I don't see it as arselicky, or trying to curry favour, it's to say thankyou to someone who has been a lovely part of my dcs lives.

I'm not compelled to give a teacher a gift
it's not least I can do at all.what a gross sense of entitlement

I do what I should do as a responsible parent
support learning at home
have appropriate rapport with school
take active interest in children education

all these tasks can be achieved irrespective of whether I buy gift or not

our class reps email,text and ask for an amount
it's not anonymous

I work at school as a TA and there are certainly no huge lavish gifts given.

Both my boys' teachers have been amazing and I am buying M&S vouchers for one teacher and Las Iguanas vouchers for the other.

One of my boys' TA 's is getting a bottle of wine and the other is getting SOD ALL.

Very reasonable imvho.

The least I can do?
Whaaa?

In that case I need to remortgage the house because I have physios, OTs, nurses, befrienders, respite carers and all manner of people to buy gifts for.

DS's teacher is a star, I think she is bloody brilliant but why is it the least I can do to buy her a present? Why her and not the many people involved in my childrens' lives?

I think she would pee herself if she read that.

I do a job that involves me going regularly for a long time into a family's home and working with the child and keyworking for the family. It does not cross my mind that somehow they owe me a present for doing my job.
I am sure that is exactly how the majority of teachers feel too.
They dont strike me as a grabby profession.

agree
can't imagine a professional would entertain that attitude
still least you can do did make me laugh

I love buying gifts for people and like buying for teachers. I like the challenge of finding something nice for a fiver!!

I often do boots 3 for 2 at christmas (have 3 kids) and last summer got lovely necklaces/bracelets in the accessorise 70% off sale (cost around £3).

This summer the teachers got these babies which were a little over budget but we have had fabby teachers this year!

yes but say £5 from every parent Is huge amount of money
too much imo

Everybody has a different idea of what a "lavish" gift is.

I dont care what others buy, I like to choose my own gifts and couldnt give a fig if the value is more/less than others spend. A gift should be chosen with the person in mind not based on its value.

Teachers have a huge influence in the lives of our children and the majority go above and beyond at school. So many people tip hairdressers, takeaway staff, taxis etc and yet begrudge a gift to somebody so important to their child/children.

don't begrudge an appropriate acknowledgement or thanks
don't like conspicuous giving and the sentiment that it has to big,show how appreciated teacher is

I have known parents who have moaned and berated teachers all year, onlyto be the biggest conspicuous givers and arse lickers end of year

Nurses aren't allowed to accept lavish gifts as it could be interpreted as bribery.

As a specialist nurse I have had the odd box of chocs / card at the end of a pts course of treatment, which is lovely, but I am not remotely put out if if doesn't happen. Most of my pts come from deprived social situations and struggle to get the bus fare to keep appointments.

There are a lot of pts who have looked me squarely in the eye (often with a tear in their own) and said "Thank you" and given me a hug / shook my hand. They are the ones who bring a lump to my throat remembering them.

Nothing wrong with giving a small token of thanks to a teacher if you think they have done a good job. Giving generous gifts because everyone else is defeats the meaning behind the sentiment.

Nurses aren't allowed to accept lavish gifts as it could be interpreted as bribery

The same should apply to teachers imo.

Why do you CARE so much about it, though?? It's nobody else's business... I just don't get it.

(Obviously I am not talking about poeple who are being pressured to give by others)

I would like to clarify that I am not an attention seeking parent, that I texted some parents I am friendly with to see if a collection might be done as I'd like to join one, and I have no intention of implying its mandatory. Its an option, that's all. Sometimes its easier to know you have contributed to a nice gift, then to try to find something personal for under a fiver. But that's just my situation.