WWYD 5yr old 'racist' comment

[lola88]

When i picked my niece up from school on thursday the teacher told my there had been an incident with a little boy calling her a 'black face' she is mixed race. I was totally shocked she has never had any sort of racist comments before so was new for me to deal with tho i'm sure it won't be the last. The teacher spoke to the boys mum and DN seems fine about it to her it's just like being called any other name.

The thing thats annoying me is the boys mum i have spoke to her a couple of times and see her around a lot, but she's not said a word about it. If i was in her shoes i would want to say something but she has totally ignored me giving me cold looks if i catch her eye. I don't get it i tried to give her a 'kids will be kids' smile when it happened she just stalked off past me.

I don't know how to say this without sounding dramatic but i'm worried she's not said anything because maybe she herself has a problem with racism friends i've spoke to have suggested it saying he must have picked it up at home but i don't know.

WWYD if your child said that and you sort of knew the other childs parent/aunt? I'm so worried that if she's not dealing with it it could turn nasty for DN

Amberleaf

no mixed race is mixed race and black is black.
People are proud of their heritage both white and black.

To say it's not common place to call someone who is mixed race with black heritage black is ridiculous. Is Barack Obama not considered the first black US president?

Maybe the mother is a little irked that her 5 year old has been the subject of an allegation of racism because of an incredibly innocent comment. Without any more context, I can't see anything in what the OP has said that gives any indication this child is a racist.

Obama is mixed race and probably wouldnt be president otherwise. For politics sake he is called black because people cant stretch to the truth.
Just because some people are ignorant doesnt mean everyone has to be.
Some mixed race people give up because people call them black and its easier not to argue. The mixed race populace of the uk is the fastest growing ethnic group. When the mixed race children group up and have white skin babies what does that make them? black parents with white babies or a mixed race family.

If DN is upset then speak to the school. Chances are I am guessing She probably isn't, the comment may have just passed her by.I think it's a pretty big leap to assume that means either the little boy or the parents are racist. Kids describe what they see. Rarely with malice at that age. my daughter is a minority at her nursery in London. She gets called the white kid with the yellow hair. And pink face. The other kids aren't black supremacists, they are just describing what they see. At 4-5 they are pretty straight forward. If it persisted, despite the school stepping in, or there was any hint of malice I would step in. Otherwise I would just let it lie. Racism is not tolerable but neither is calling people racist without good reason. I would be livid if someone assumed I was racist because of a comment from a 5 year old.

Don't be afraid to take action if necessary but don't leap in two footed unless you have to.

^no mixed race is mixed race and black is black.
People are proud of their heritage both white and black^

According to you

As I said lots of mixed race people identify as black and you really can't argue the point that society sees them as black too.

Identifying as black when you have both black and white parents doesn't mean you aren't proud of all aspects of your heritage.

Above post in response to sesameflower

So confused..I did not know that mixed race identify as black? I know some mixed race (white/asian) children who ,if you did not know,you would not know were mixed, as they look white. How do they identify, do you think?

How is it proud to deny your white abcestry.
Amberleaf.. not just according to me but thousands of mixed race people. Its backward for people to say you must be black if you are mixed race because thats how people see you. There are enough proud strong mixed race people who will stand up and say Im not just black Im mixed race. My hair is different, my skin is different, my genetics are different and when I have children they are different too from black people because we're Mixed Race and we have an identity. Which due to people taking the time to voice this throughout society is recognised on forms and what not. Mixed race people are not black or other. They are mixed race and ti say otherwise is sad, ignorant and backward. Education progresses people and society to a better place.

Sesameflower

Its backward for people to say you must be black if you are mixed race because thats how people see you

Wow! Well I don't see being black as 'backward' but each to their own.

I did say that identifying as black doesn't mean you are denying any aspect of your heritage.

People are free to define themselves as they please though, no need to say that identifying as black is 'backward' that comment alone tells me all I need to know tbh.

You misunderstood her comment.

She's saying mixed race people do not HAVE to identify as black, society just does the 'one drop rule.' Which of course is disgusting.

Jamdonut

I know some mixed race (white/asian) children who ,if you did not know,you would not know were mixed, as they look white. How do they identify, do you think

Ask them!

Lurking

No she misunderstood my comment, I clearly said lots of not all mixed race people. I'm not saying anyone has to do anything, I'm explaining that lots do identify as black for the reasons amongst others that I stated.

I understand that. I'm saying she wasn't being racist or saying identifying as black makes you backward.

I certainly wasn't suggesting she meant either of those things lurking!

Not what I thought at all.

my (nearly) five year old sometimes says things - to adults and children alike - that are not polite. Quite often very loudly. If i am there, i tell her off. if not...then i don't know about it.

how do you know the school informed the parent?

i haven't expected parents to say anything to me when their kids have had run-ins (physical or otherwise) with mine. ultimately it is kids being kids - i hope they are taking steps to manage their kids behaviour at home (and i hope they presume the same of me), but if they aren't, it is none of my damned business.

quite often you don't know the full story..(i never do, DD can't explain well enough)

If it only happens once id jus let it go but get the school to keep an eye on it.

My childs friend once said aged 6 'i dont like them coz they are black'. Now thats unacceptable.

I think it is very hard to know exactly why a 5 year old would say this. It could be something heard at home, or it could be a completely innocent comment from a 5 year old who says what they see. My niece at 5 used to constantly tell me i had a spotty face and that she hoped she didn't ever get big boobs like me!! Not to be nasty, but just because that is what she saw and she didn't have a clue about tact or sensitivity (for the record it was true, i did have spots and big boobs :) ). I think if it was to happen again then it should be looked into more, but for now if it were me i think i would take a wait and see approach.

thank you lurking that is exactly what I meant and I think its clear for all to see.

and it is odd that the school told you which child said this.. they don't usually..

It was also what I said too sesame!

I said people are free to define themselves as they choose.

If my child said that to someone I wouldn't see it as racist per se - I doubt he even knows what it means to be racist? It'd be like him calling a chubby girl 'fat' or a short boy 'a midget' or something. If an adult said it, or even a child with the level of understand to know it's wrong to say those sorts of things, I'd be cross but otherwise I don't think he meant to be mean to your DN.

As for the mum, she's probably mortified. If she's not and does make racist remarks at home that her child has picked up on that says a lot more about her as a person...

has OP clarified if she has PR for DN?

because if not then school should not be sharing information with her without express written permission from parents, confidentiality etc

Barak Obama calls himself black. So does Whoopi Goldberg (although she considers herself equally Jewish or mixed race, depending on her mood).

I kind of think nit-picking over whether a person (such as child in OP) should be deemed mixed race or black misses the point; it was blunt name-calling & possible labeling by someone other than the child herself which can't really be nice. I think most of us on thread think it was the sort of insensitive thing little children often say which is why we gently correct and try to move on; it doesn't have to mean anything about the deeper ills of society.

Latara
It's not true that mixed race kids get more racist abuse, as someone who grew up in the eighties I experienced loads of bullying and abuse from white and the one mixed race girl in my school (I'm black) looking back I know the girl of mixed race really hated herself her white mother was always complaining about black people in front of her.
Racist name calling is wrong and if the parents can't see it hugely damages black children's self esteem for life then IMHO they also need educating!

when I take my mixed race dc's to Jamaica they are called "white"....I even had a comment by a female family member that my son had a big willy for a white boy!!!

here they are either black or mixed....I just say best of both worlds aren't they lucky