WWYD 5yr old 'racist' comment

[lola88]

When i picked my niece up from school on thursday the teacher told my there had been an incident with a little boy calling her a 'black face' she is mixed race. I was totally shocked she has never had any sort of racist comments before so was new for me to deal with tho i'm sure it won't be the last. The teacher spoke to the boys mum and DN seems fine about it to her it's just like being called any other name.

The thing thats annoying me is the boys mum i have spoke to her a couple of times and see her around a lot, but she's not said a word about it. If i was in her shoes i would want to say something but she has totally ignored me giving me cold looks if i catch her eye. I don't get it i tried to give her a 'kids will be kids' smile when it happened she just stalked off past me.

I don't know how to say this without sounding dramatic but i'm worried she's not said anything because maybe she herself has a problem with racism friends i've spoke to have suggested it saying he must have picked it up at home but i don't know.

WWYD if your child said that and you sort of knew the other childs parent/aunt? I'm so worried that if she's not dealing with it it could turn nasty for DN

Oh Gosh.

My posts were deleted so I will rephrase. I think you are negative SoleSource. And I don't see the point of bitching for bitching's sake.

I think you are reading stuff into the other Mum's actions which may not be correct.
You think you are being friendly when she might feel you are being superior or smug (if she was reading stuff into your actions the way you are with hers). She might think her DS has been reprimanded when he was only being friendly. On the other hand she might be highly embarrassed over the whole affair.

Stop trying to be friendly as it might be misunderstood. Just let it go imo.

Damsel you're such a sweet xxxxx

I am. That's what everyone tells me

I don't think you should dwell on the reaction of the child's mum. You have no idea what she is thinking and can only guess. She might be embarassed and not know what to say. She might be assuming you think she is racist and be reacting to your assumptions. You are tying yourself in knots over something that might not be the case.

As for the little boy, I would agree not to be too shocked or assume he is racist either. Small children often comment on other people's appearances if they are different because they have yet to learn that this can be offensive. My dd called a woman a "chocolate lady" when she was just 2. To her she was just saying that the lady's skin colour looked the same colour as chocolate. I, on the other hand, was absolutely mortified.

I do think 5 year olds tho are generally old enough to understand what is and isn't appropriate, and it sounds like your school is aware of and deal with this, which is good.

Why assume the child was being racist? How old is the child? I think most young children have no understanding of "racism" but they are much more likely to verbalise what they see as they have not taken on all the cultural/social norms of appropriate behaviour etc. Perhaps they were just vocalising that the teacher did have a "black" face, i.e. she is a black person (I doubt that a child would be able to differentiate between black and mixed race) and was stating it as a fact in the same way he could have described a fellow child as having a pink face. Would that be considered racist?

Unless there is any proof that the mother is intentionally racist and that the boy has picked up on this, I would assume that it was something quite innocent that has been taken out of perspective and perhaps the boy cannot articulate himself grammatically to say "she has a black face" rather than "black face".

Op, you still haven't explained why you feel the child's mother should have discussed the incident with you in any way, maybe she's spoken to your niece's parents? Whether she has or hasn't, it's hardly appropriate to bring you into the fray.

SoleSource you really would think someone was crazy and attention seeking because they apologised if their kid said something that upset your kid?

I'd say it's less about 'trying to preserve social standing' and more just apologising on their kids behalf, and so reassuring you it hadn't arisen due to a racist family environment. I think perhaps you're being a bit over sensisitve and over dramatic.

I'd be suspicious of their real motives AND personally why should the other parent say anything at all? The child is 5 years old. I'd expect the teacher to explain to the 5 year old that this type of thing is unacceptable and he is totally firgiven on this occasion. Why the hell would I want another's parent's apology? They might feel bad enough already. Thec second occasion I would speak to the Headteacher. I really feel in this case it was just an innocent remark. I wouldmn't be searching for guilty facial expressions or eye contact from the other parent. If there was a time when we met in passing I'd smile and be polite.

maybe the parents would prefer to discuss it your dns parents, not you.
I personally think your reading too much into it. You can't assume the parents are racist.
I slow think she prob knows you have 'discussed it with others '. Stock answer for these things are 'he must have learnt it at home' which is playground talk for 'i don't have a clue but like to gossip and have a bit of drama.'
I don't think you should have discussed with anyone. Why would you?

solesource why so nasty.
The op said this woman used to be friendly and since the comment avoidance. She should acknowledge the incident and move on if it was so innocent.
I dont think it is so innocent for a 5 yr old to say such things. Its poisonous and dangerous if left to grow. Racism is a serious issue and problem.

Christ, you don't keep on at a dog who has done wrong do you? This incident has been dealt with, the mum probably feels mortified that her 5 year old has been branded a racist. Why carry it on? If it happens again yes by all means, but I agree with the pp who said this smacks of a bit of attention seeking

Agree hairylemon

sesame what i have described is not nasty about the other parent/guardian etc.

There are alll kinds of possibilities as to why this child said what he did. I'm retreating as pernickety isn't really my thing.

This sort of thing makes me very worried for my Ds, he is very 'factual' about things atm, very inquisitive etc the thought that ONE comment could mark him as a racist makes me sad and blood boilingly angry at the same time. Tbh if the assumption is that he has got it from home then there is no way id approach the other parent for fear of being accused.

I don't understand how anyone can think a five year old is a full blown racist.

I think it was just a comment made in innocence.

One of my sons school friends came up to me and told me I had a big belly the other day (true) and I just said yes I have.

My son has lots of friends in school that he also went to pre-school with. He was talking about one of them the other day and saying how they like to play together. He suddenly said 'Mummy, did you know XXX has got brown skin and I have pink skin?' He has only just noticed!! I certainly do not think that was a racist comment, just him noticing!

I also don't get how you know which boy it was who said it. I didn't think teachers disclose that sort of thing if its a one off to avoid parents carrying it on. Unprofessional of the teacher imo

Sometimes children say things like this as an innocent observation.

Sometimes they say stuff like that as they hear it at home and its deemed acceptable.

Either way it can cause distress and offence so should be corrected/challenged, it is particularly important for the self esteem of that child that its white parent is seen to challenge such racial abuse (if it is the case)

Just realised your DN is mixed race not black. That said, perhaps the boy did not know how to articulate 'mixed race' and therefore chose 'black' as opposed to 'White

Mixed race is black you know!

You're right lots can't differentiate between black and mixed race, that's why society in general views mixed race people as black and why lots of mixed race people identify as black.

Mixed race people face the same prejudice as black (both parents black) people do. The 'white privelige' of their white parent doesn't get passed down.

OP I wouldn't worry too much about that mother, concentrate on making sure your DN has a positive self image so stuff like that won't cut too deep.

Hairylemon, maybe her neice told her?!

So its possible the boys mum doesn't know op knows it was her lad who said it, which might explain why she hasn't said anything.

Amberleaf my mixed race friend do not like to be referred to as 'black'. Maybe that's what pp meant.
I still don't get why the parent should have to acknowledge anything to the Childs aunt. Especially one who has been talking about her and her child.

Infact, if there is more than one mixed race/black child in the class its entirely possible the boys mum doesn't know its ops neice he's been 'racist' to.