To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

how often is she feeding?

it is hard but I do think topping up will only have a bad effect on yoior supply.

Firstly yanbu, secondly I think at this stage you will dry up if you only do one feed a day, I'm no expert but think you need to establish bf before you can drop feeds iyswim.

I did mixed feeds with dd2 for a while but she just wasn't gaining weight like her sister did, she put on 2lb in 3 1/2 months so I switched to ff and she put on a pound in a week! I decided so stick to the bottle and we've been fine ever since.
Do whatever you feel is best, do NOT be guilted into bf if you don't feel its for you.

Good luck

YANBU I bf'd but would never encourage anyone to do so if it was making them bloody miserable.

See a BF counsellor and then decide. Oh congrats btw!

Sorry, it wasn't even 2lbs, she was born 9.7 then dropped to 8.11 then by 3 1/2mo she was only up to 10 something, the hv was going to refer her to the doctor so decided to start ff and that's when she finally gained proper weight

No, YANBU.

If you dont like it then you dont like it and reading about all the benefits in the world and wanting to do the best for your baby wont change the simple fact that you.dont.like.it.

If you want to stop BF then stop BF. If you want to continue but are finding it hard then contact La Leche League or the NCT who both have trained counsellors who can help you.

Dont worry about what other people think about your decision, its whats best for you and your baby that counts.

It sounds like you are very down, so I think that a visit to your GP would be a good idea, just to discount the possibility of PND.

Take care x

YANBU

I tried breast feeding and just felt it wasn't working out, baby wasn't getting enough milk and all I was doing was stressing so i made the decision to formula feed, the midwife was disgusted she made me feel terrible however both myself and baby were so much happier that I never regretted it. Don't feel forced in to it, if your not feeling its working then there is no shame in combine or formula feeding x

Thats terrible Listen :(

I know they are supposed to encourage and support BF but actively making you feel bad for not doing it is not on!

I hugely sympathise with you, I also had struggles with breastfeeding (Ds refused to latch) and combined feeding exhausted me because I had to express every feed and top up with formula. Worst of both worlds! I continued for many weeks before deciding I was making myself miserable and missing out on the joy of the new baby with all the guilt and stress I was heaping on myself.

Look for any and all support you can find and go easy on yourself. You are doing your best! Try and ignore external pressure from either direction and come to the decision that's best for you and your family.

I didn't breast feed any of my 3...never had the inclination and not one Midwife, Doctor or HV so much as suggested it.

YANBU to feel how you feel.

Anyone who tells you you're selfish is clueless about how hard BFing can be! If you are keen to keep up one feed a day, I do think you'd need to feed regularly for a few more weeks BUT many people find that everything about breastfeeding gets easier after the first six weeks. This was certainly my experience. Six weeks of hell, 38 weeks and counting of 'phew, this is ok at last.'

You sound the absolute reverse of selfishness. Congratulations on your new baby!

She has only ever had one bottle of formula to date. If we decide to do this I would like to do it very slowly, maybe dropping a feed every week? I just want her to thrive and I feel like I'd be stopping her if I'd insist on breastfeeding because of peer pressure.
I feel like I'm lacking some sort of maternal instinct for not enjoying breastfeeding :(

YANBU - BF is hard work for a lot of people, myself included. I'm sorry you're not getting any support, and FWIW I don't think you are selfish at all. You are trying to do what's best for your baby.

What I would say is, don't worry about your DD not gaining as much weight as the chart says. There are other factors to consider. Is she having plenty of wet and dirty nappies, is she alert, does she sleep well etc. If yes, then I would say she is getting enough. My DD went from the 95th centime at birth down to about the 25th at her 8 week check up but nobody said a word, which I was really surprised about. I wasn't too concerned because I could clearly see she was thriving in all the other ways. But she's now 12 weeks and still gaining weight slowly.

Also, you won't get the same amount expressing as she will be getting directly. So she will be getting more than 2.5 oz in 1.5 hours. How often is she feeding? Can you offer her more frequent feeds, if you're concerned she's not getting enough? Your supply should increase if you do this, although it may take a couple of days. Also I'd post in the feeding section - loads of great support and advice there. Good luck

When breast feeding becomes a chore,give it up and use bottles.If you're miserable,your baby will be too.Do not feel guilty.Good luck and best wishes. Mx.

YANBU.
My experience of bfing dc3 sounds very similar to yours. Despite all the advice that my milk would dry up I introduced mixed feeding at 9 weeks. He has breast milk x 2 a day and bottles for the rest.
My milk supply is just fine- my supply just adapted to the new demand.

However, everyone is different so if being able to do 1 of 2 bfeeds a day is really important to you, perhaps try and carry on for another month or so to make sure the supply is better established and see a bfing counsellor in the meantime.

Please get some RL support. A BF clinic will be able to give you some reassurance and spot any issues with your DD feeding.

As someone ^ has said, wet and dirty nappies and a baby that is happy and alert = a well fed baby. It's common for babies to be born on eg 75th centile and then drop and track eg the 20th. And how much you can pump doesn't represent how much milk is in your breasts - there are women who've EBF for 6 months + who wouldn't manage to pump as much as you did. It's understandable that you're worried about how much she's getting, but if you feed on demand and offer both breasts etc she will be getting plenty of milk.

If you want to stop BF then do, but don't think you've 'failed'. You've gotten her to the size she is now on your body alone. You are sustaining her on your BM now. You are nurturing her. Baby fat is cute but it isn't necessary for a baby to be chubby to be healthy. Weight does not = health. And there have been FF mothers on here who have had the same issues with their babies - dropping centiles and then being slow to gain weight. Some babies do. However you choose to feed her in the future, stop beating yourself up and try to enjoy your lovely baby.

YANBU to feel how you feel at all, bfing is hard work and very intense at first.

also because of the bottle feeding culture of measuring ounces and feed times, it's a bit of a leap of faith to just keep feeding and believe baby is getting all they need.

I'm on dc2 now and my experience has been a lot different this time. DS1 had trouble feeding and lost >10% of birth weight so i was faffing and expressing to top up etc. (as mentioned above, expressing is no indication of supply, it's also a pain unless you have to do it imo!)

DS2, however took to bf no problem and piled weight on. he started smaller but has grown faster.

even so we've had a few weeks of him crying a lot, especially in the evenings, it's only just calming down now at 9 weeks. we had to take turns pacing till he calmed and would latch on, i reckon he'd maybe behave like this anyway at this age!

the bf/ff board on here is great for advice whether you want to try carrying on bf or mix feed.

good luck op, hope things settle soon.

OP, my advice is to cut yourself some slack. I really think there is far too much extremist guff spoken about breastfeeding. To my mind there is no connection between being maternal and breastfeeding. It is much more that maternal instincts are to nurture, which includes feeding, however you do that. In fact, you could say that the maternal instinct is to do whatever it takes to nourish your baby, and that includes formula feeding.

At 6 weeks, this issue will no doubt be all-consuming. Project ten years into the future: will you or DD really care about this issue enough to merit the heartache you are going through now?

FWIW, I have mixed fed DD from birth. I wanted a balance between her needs, my needs,and DH's needs, and that is what I do to strike that balance. To begin with DD got breast milk and formula at each feed. I slowly went to full bfs and full ffs. I now bf first thing in the morning, last feed before bed, and once or twice during the day depending on how I feel that day/whether I am out of the house. Never had any supply issues, your breasts just cope with demand, it's amazing.

Finally, I agree that 6 weeks can be a real turning point. It was for me. I get no bonding kicks out of bfing, but I don't want to stop either altogether. It does get much easier when you stop pressuring yourself to ebf. You never know, you may just end up enjoying it!

Good luck, and well done!

Hi YANBU however I would get some RL support if It's just the weight thing. My DS is 12 weeks and a very slow gainer (born on 98th now on 25th) but I found that I relaxed and enjoyed it more when I decided to follow my instincts rather than a line in a book. DS is bright, alert, plenty of wet nappies and a very content little man. My HV isn't concerned-she says he's just finding his own line. Good luck whatever u decide, and remember happy mummy = happy baby. Your mental health is important! Congratulations on your lovely DD. Oh, and fussing at the breast might be start of 6 week growth spurt!

Everyone has already said everything I was thinking too really :) six weeks is fab , those are the hardest weeks I would say! It is worth posting in the feeding section and/seeing your local Bosum Buddie group etc.

It's worth bearing in mind there is a Wonder Week at around 6 weeks which is a mental/development leap for your baby, she is possibly feeding to encourage more milk to come through - and this can take a couple of days (and is normal). I remember my DD (who is now 8 months) popping off the boob all the bloody time crying around this time and nothing I did would appease her, it will get better and is just something exhausting they drag you through

I was never able to express a lot and generally found expressing horrid, I posted in the feeding section about how much I disliked it, but DD was ebf and you could hear it coming out when she sucked, I think they are just more efficient than a pump! I think the most I have ever done is 30 minutes, don't sit there for 90 minutes though it's too long, you need a rest.

It's my understanding that it's rare that Mum's do not make enough milk because your baby suckles and encourages the boob to produce what it needs. It is not unusal for ebf baby to lose weight at first too.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

YANBU - No body tells you how hard breastfeeding is.

I hated it for the first 8 weeks. It was so stressful. I had no idea what i was doing or how boobs worked. Every time I got something sorted another problem came up.Thing have settled down now 11 weeks in & I'm surprised to say im quite enjoying it.

The 6 week mark is a low point post-natally IMO. The baby has a growth spurt, you feel like you're never going to heal & the tiredness really kicks in. It's grim. Then at 7-8 weeks you turn a corner.

Definitely get some RF support. They will be able to advise you on how best to manage mix feeding & supply if that's what you decide to do & dont feel bad about it. 6 weeks of BF is a major achievement in itself. Well done for lasting so long

Hehe! after DS1 i actually have told all my pg friends how much hard work it is at first! i figure it'll be less stressful to know that they'll maybe be stuck under a hungry baby for hours, possibly with 10+ nappies of poo a day to fit in... have a clear memory of going a bit nuts at 3 weeks in the first time round, when DS1 pooed before, during and after a feed. then filled a clean nappy twice as soon as it was on and then fed some more.

i believe i used the words relentless and intense to describe the first months or so...

You have done brilliantly so far!

You really must get some support though. Your heatlh visitor will have details, or give it google.

The % of birthweight thing can be quite misleading, as lots of babies are full of fluid when they're born, especialy if you had fluids during labour.
If she is gaining weight, and not jaundiced, then I'd say you're doing stirling work.

It is bloody hard work at first, but does get easier if you choose to carry on.

YANBU by the way.

Best of British, and congrats!

Six weeks was awful for me and loads of people I spoke to about to afterwards, growth spurt, so baby feeds like mad, breasts soften but often still sore, you are out of the baby moon perion but still hormonally all away and feeling fragile and of course sleep,mthe broken nights are a killer.

What everyone has said about local real life support and be gentle with yourself. It can get better but it is not worth being a desperate woman dreading the frequent feeds. You can make decisions day by day, slowly and gently and meanwhile,let the housework slide, remember cheese toasties, fruit, yoghurt and cake are a reasonable diet, and although it is all consuming and exhausting, it will pass, and pass soon.

You have down great and you are doing great. You have a lifetime together, and after six weeks you are only just starting to adjust and get to know each other. Your instincts are fine. Breastfeeding can be gentle bliss but I dnt know anyone who said that after only six weeks.

At six weeks my DS screamed. All day and night. Was sick. All day and night. Arched his back and sobbed with pain and I felt like my head would explode with the lack of sleep and lack of understanding what was wrong. I turned 40 when he was six weeks and spent day on sofa with bleeding nipples, sobbing, as he fed and cried wondering why I'd thought being a parent would be a good idea. I gritted my teeth for every feed.

He's 18 months now and has breastfed sweetly for 20 mins and kissed me good night and cuddled up with his panda. I never thought the torment could become such a joy. I never thought I'd want to feed so long. But equally, I regret not looking after myself more. I would have been a better mum and wife and woman for it.

Well done whatever you decide.

Your story could have been mine. I wish I had gone with my gut instinct that my baby was hungry and not listened to the health visitor and NCT advisor.
I followed Penelope Leach's advice in the end about topping up, and offered formula after every breast feed. In the mornings (when I had felt that my supply was good) she didn't really take much from the bottle at all, but by late afternoon and evening (which was the time I felt that she was getting very little from me) she drank the whole bottle. My supply did not dry up (we started at 6 weeks) and I carried on like that for the next 9 months.
She was a different baby - happier, slept better, we had time to do normal mother and baby things rather than just sit breast feeding literally all day sometimes - she was feeding almost constantly as I was trying to follow the principle that more demand would make more milk....
13 years on and I am still angry about the bad advice i got and feel so sad that my daughter spent the first few weeks of her life very hungry a lot of the time..

OP, I advise you talk to your GP about how you're feeling. I have found doctors are less hung up on breast feeding compared to HVs/midwives.

You should not feel guilty if you don't want to continue but I don't think you're getting enough unbiased support either. It's really hard.