To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

Glad to hear you are feeling more positive Daenerys. And I'm really really sorry that you have felt bullied. Of course formula will not 'scar her for life'. There can be a fine line between offering support and information to help mums breastfeed when they want to, and inadvertantly causing individual women to feel under more pressure at a time when they are already tired and stressed and desperate to do that what is best for their baby and their family.

Ds is 5 months and I am expressing and giving formula when there isent enought BM. There were problems with bf from the start, hospitalisation, dehydration. Ds got so used to the bottle he dd not want to latch so I express so he can get as much BM fom me. Wish he would latch would make life a whol lot easier. I plan to pump for another month so get to the 6 month mark

OP, like bluehorizon, that was me too.
I was always really anxious that DS wasn't getting enough and I had a rubbish time trying to get him to feed. However, I found expressing milk to be really helpful. DS put on a lot more weight with a mixture of expressed milk and boob and he slept a lot better. Like you I wasn't able to produce very much at all at the start but with a bit of perseverance I was like a milch cow :) If its at all helpful to you found I had more milk and it looked thicker if I expressed after the 3am feed.
I think with BF its never going to be a one size fits all approach, its about what suits you and your wee one and often that's not the message we get from the professionals. Please don't feel stressed, whatever route you go down you'll do fine. I'm not going to post again as I find BF thread a bit upsetting but please feel free to PM me if you need a chat.

I'm with bluehorizon, have only skimmed the rest of the posts. I did mixed feeding but always BF before offering the bottle. I just didn't have enough milk. No idea how people say it's all about supply and demand it certainly didn't work that way for me first time. Second baby basically proved my original thoughts. I had much more milk - although I have never expereienced the whole leaky boob thing!

You must do what is best for you and what you feel is best for your baby. There are always pros and cons to everything. Best of luck - you are doing a great job! xx

She has a bottle after feeding straight away because she is crying and won't settle. No break

Look if you want to FF fine, if you want to give BF your best shot or mix feed as well as you can then get in touch with the professionals. Then you know you did what you could.

Not sure what you are still doing here to be honest, AIBU is not the place to absolve you of any issues you have on this matter.

What I'm doing here? Replying to the lovely people that are trying to help by contributing to my thread. What are you doing here?

believe it or not trying to help

you don't have to justify yourself to anyone

You're right, that's why i posted the last few updates with what we've decided so i should probably get on with it now.
And someone asked earlier if i'm happy with how it's working and yes, I am.
It feels like a HUGE weight has been lifted of my shoulders :)

Daenerys, I was in a very similar situation to you (milk supply just was not keeping up with my LO's demand), so solved it in exactly the same way: topped up after feeds with formula. Contacted local BF councillor, who was very supportive.
Eventually, fewer and fewer top-ups were needed, my supply adjusted and I almost EBF now, with occasional bottles during growth spurts (and those growth spurts are massive, he has been known to put on 700g in 10 days!). My LO is now 7 months and is thriving.
The solution made me feel a lot more relaxed about BF.
In terms of bonding, I really started enjoying the process and feeling that bond at about 4.5-5 months. He would come off the breast and give me a little smile - priceless :). Still does that.

Daenerys relax. I went thru similar thing. I could never express much. Keep going and relax. Baby will be fine and take what she needs. The more you worry you will endanger your let down reflex which is what happened to me. My DD was over 9lb and went down to the 25th centile. Health visitors told me she was hungry which was why she was a poor sleeper.

After nearly 5 months my body gave up and I was forced to switch to formula. She would only take 3oz and was still a shit sleeper. Moved onto solids and she was amazing ate everything. Still on 25th centile and a crap sleeper. At 13 months she suddenly stopped waking after 45 min sleep cycles. Now she is 2.5 slim, tall and never stays still. Eats really well and on 50th. She is fine.

All the anxiety I had was for nothing. When I was BF my boobs were never huge or felt full. DD would feed for only 5 mins every 3 to 4 hours. We are all different. My SIL used to brag she could get 9oz off and wtf was I still feeding every 3 hours at 5 months. I went to every 4hrs dd didnt put on, my period came back and my let down reflex failed due to anxiety.
Stick with it. All will be well. Ignore anyone who tells you otherwise usless your baby really loses weight or dr says otherwise.

My DD is 8 weeks old today & we are mixed feeding, based on a very similar experience to you (baby screaming & hungry after hours of feeding, losing more than 10% of birth weight).

She has been thriving on mixed feeds & in very glad to still be BFing (at the worst lowest point when I was in a lot of pain it was definitely 'one day at a time' as other posters have said).

Now, interestingly, DD is often not finishing bottles and I wonder if, having got past the 6 week stage, this means she is feeding more efficiently from the breast and needing less formula (Nb I am expressing too, usually twice a day, and using this for the night-time feed).

I would not be afraid of going to a BF support group, I go to my local drop-in centre every week, the MW there knows I am mixed feeding and she doesn't bar the door with a flaming sword! Just being in a room where other mums are BFing in a relaxed environment gave me so much more confidence, am sure I would have given up by now if I hadn't had a place like that to go. So don't be afraid, do go along if you have a local group!

I have not read through the whole thread but I just wanted to give some advice that really helped me with my kids. If she wants a feed after a short period of time do you put her back on the same breast again before moving her to the other side ? The reason I ask is that the first milk that comes through is the thirst quenching milk and then you have the "hind " milk which is the more nourishing milk. To make sure that the baby is getting the hind milk if they want a feed after an hour or so just pop them back on the side you last fed on and then put them on the other side.
There is a way to measure how much milk she is taking from you, it is a hassle but it can be done. You just have to weigh her before and after a feed. I had to do this with my dd when she was in hospital. I must add that I hated doing this as I found it more stressful than anything.

I think you should seek out a breastfeeding group/counsellor.

They were amazing for me and helped tremendously. They will not judge you and be pushing breast feeding on you.

They will(should) help you do it better, help you be more comfortable, find out why baby is fussing and not gaining so much and be supportive. Maybe they have ideas that you have not tried yet. If you still hate it after that, then stop.

Phew! Read the whole thread.

I reccomend asking a lactation consultant to come. I saw one when DS was 3 months old. You have to pay for them. She came to my house. Watch me feed. Asked me about the birth, my health, general things then gave me loads of tips, explained things and showed me a lot of things. Very non judgmental. Just open and helpful.

There are certain things that it is easier to be shown in your own home. Like breast compressions, feeding in bed. Other holds that you might not have seen. Honestly best money I have spent. About a month and a half after seeing the lactation consultant things were so much better.

I didn't find breast feeding a bonding experience for months. In the beginning it was just awful. Even now, sometimes it is special but most the time I feel neutral about it. Neither hate it nor love it. DS is 14 months now. With breast feeding I really feel you need the right advice at the right time. When someone gives advice you have to think, do they really know about breastfeeding.

Daenerys, I'm glad you are feeling happier now. Enjoy your lovely little daughter

Okay, not sure if my comment is --welcome- needed however for the benefit of anyone else reading check and double check there are no other factors tgat could be affecting feeding. I discovered da had an upper lip tie after 8 months! Suddenly everything became clear and now he is much happier, able to feed properly and actually sleep.

I just thought i would update quickly - we have been doing mixed feeding for a few days so far. I have also had a letter from LLL with some advice and lots of information about combined feeding and how to do it properly.
The LLL advisor also said in my case the best thing to do would probably keep up with the combined feeding until her weight gain stabilises.
DD has been weighed again today and she has put on 11 oz in the past week.
Her previous weight gain was 1 oz in 12 days so we're very pleased with this

Fantastic news Daenerys - keep up the good work! You sound so much more positive now compared to your first post. I hope you see the difference in yourself too.

Great news!

wonderful news

Great news on the weight gain has anyone mentioned offering mire than two breasts at a feed to you? Ie she has the first breast, say the left, then when she's finished you offer the right. When she comes off there, go back to the left again, and then even back to the right fot another go if she is still hungry. It's a really good way if not only ensuring she gets plenty of milk at each feed, but also increasing supply. Good luck with whatever you decide

I remember feeling exactly like you, which although normal is draining and upsetting.

I too would recommend the NCT Breastfeeding line. I also found the Baby Centre breastfeeding forum unbelievably helpful. It's a bit like this but talking to other women who are BFing and have seen it all.

If you'd like to continue breastfeeding, you're better to steer clear of formula and just offer, offer, offer the boob. Your baby's probably going through a growth spurt and by constantly wanting to feed is actually upping your supply for you!

Good luck and go easy on yourself x