To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

Thank you for sharing all your stories - it does make me feel better.
I think offering a bottle after each feed would be a good option for us as it wouldn't decrease the number of feeds but I would know she is having enough as well.
I have not thought about going to a BF group or speaking to a counsellor because I am assuming I'm going to get grilled for wanting to introduce formula. There really isn't that much information available out there though so I appreciate all your comments.
I will speak to my health visitor when she comes back from holiday. She is a lovely lady so hopefully if I say "we have decided to..." she won't start going on about all the benefits of ebf and how they don't recommend it.
A lot of you mentioned things about my supply not being established yet. How will I know when it is?

YANBU at all to dislike breastfeeding. Some women say they loved it and found it a great way to bond with their baby but that wasn't my experience at all. I felt it was so stressful it actually hurt my bond with DS. I had to almost wrestle DS to feed, he never had enough and I always had to top up with formula and use nipple shields for every feed because I was in so much pain. Unfortunately that meant that by 6 weeks my supply had almost gone so we ended up using just formula.

Apart from all the pain and problems I had though, I just didn't like breastfeeding at all. I only have a couple of happy memories of good feeds where DS would snuggle into me and we both seemed happy (and that was using nipple shields, before that feeds were sheer agony!).

Mostly though bf was him crying with hunger, me crying in pain, both of us stressed and tense and exhausted. Not good! I don't see a reason to persist with bf-ing if you dislike it and your baby isn't gaining weight either. Now that you've reached 6 weeks, your supply should be fairly established so your idea of gradually dropping feeds should work fine.

OP, I'd head to the breast and bottle feeding board and maybe do a post there for the specific advice, also add a link to this thread to save you typing all this out! good luck. :)

Lots of good advice here.

I would reiterate, try to find a local support group. Or phone a phone helpline. I rang the NCT helpline and got some very good advice.

All this stress is probably not helping. If you go to mixed feeding, then you it will probably help you relax about it all and that will help a lot.

I know you want to do what's best for your baby, but in the end, a stressed out mother is not best, so don't get guilty about FFing!

FWIW, I EBF my two DDs, DD1 dropped centiles and worried us all, but after getting her checked out by doctors and finding nothing wrong, I got some advice about making sure she was getting enough milk, which helped. She settled around the 9th centile and has remained there since (she is now 3).

DD2 was a much better feeder, but I don't know how much of that was because I'd done it before, so was more relaxed. Even so, she dropped a few centiles too, and ended up settling on the 50th.

I think birth weight doesn't have a lot to do with the baby's final weight, but it's naturally more worrying if they drop than if they pile on the ounces.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

Hi - agree with a lot of what people are saying and you have done amazingly well.

I just hated it - loathed every minute - it was sore, clumsy and uunsatisfactory at first for me.

Despite the drying up issues - I did gradually go down to one feed a day by 14 weeks ( and some expressing ) and i did top up feeds after every feed - I also used a dummy after each feed as dd Had such a strong sucking response.

However at 14 weeks (I know that feels a lifetime away) it suddenly got better and we went back up to nearly always bf.

I fed her for a year in the end , and ds2 ( also not really enjoying it) - talk to people in real life and ignore the nay sayers - its your baby and you will choose the right route good luck

I didn't enjoy breastfeeding at first. Did it for 10 months though. FWIW, I expect it will get better over the next few weeks as your supply establishes, but I also don't think it is all doom and gloom (and will necessarily damage your supply) if you introduce a bottle. My DS had a bottle once a day from about 2 weeks old - just because by 7 pm in the evening I was bloody exhausted, touched out, and wanted someone - anyone - to take the huge responsibility of sustaining this life, away from my body, just for 30 mins.

First of all, congratulations! Secondly, please remember your baby will be fine, whatever you do. All I would say is that you've done the hard bit - the first six weeks are really difficult. If you can carry on, it might be worth it for your convenience, nothing else.
Are you eating enough? I dropped my calories once, and my milk dried up almost instantly, and made feeding really difficult.
A late night bottle may also be useful, just one a day. Doesn't interfere with your supply too much, but helps your baby through the night, and gives you a break. Your DH can do it.
Remember, whatever you do is fine. Don't spoil your time with your newborn over this, it's not worth it. Good luck.

I was in a similar situation to blue horizon with my now 19 month DS - I tried to EBF but he wasn't putting on enough weight. He was premature and we ended up back in hospital for tests - everything was fine but he obviously just wasn't taking enough. So I ended up topping up after every feed - I limited the top ups so he was getting about one third of what he needed at his age from the bottles and 2 thirds from me. I didn't drop any feeds and tried to make sure he'd fed completely before having the bottle so it was almost like a bonus feed rather than a replacement. I managed to do 6 months of this mixed feeding, which was a good compromise as with the lack of weight gain EBF just wasn't an option but I did want him to have breast milk. I was also more relaxed and happy as I knew he was getting enough and putting on weight.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, remember it's your decision, do whatever works best for you and your baby, don't feel pressured into anything. Also it's hard believe now as I remember how emotional the subject of how I fed my DS was for me, but you will look back in a few months and wonder what all the fuss was about!

What everyone else has said, plus - would you consider seeing a breast feeding councillor?
It may be something very simple, like a tongue tie, or latch that's meaning she's not feeding efficiently.

Ultimately, it's up to you whether you persevere or switch to bottles, but if it was me, I would rather explore every avenue before making that decision.

sorry born2, but what you eat makes no difference to milk supply, just to your own nutrition. just eat when you're hungry and drink when you're thirsty to keep yourself feeling well.

it's a common myth that comes up a lot.

YANBU.
Didn't want to read & run, but really feel for you. I've just had my last ante natal class and my midwife who ran it brought up this point about bf and the whole pressure to do it even if you just can't. there shouldn't be any sense of failure, sometimes it's Just The Way It Is.

Pleas edit feel like a failure, and please don't be bullied into doing something you just aren't happy with. At the end of the day, it isn't your HV or MW or whoever struggling, it's you. They should be supporting you and ensuring the best happens for you & your baby. If you want to ff, do it.

Good luck x

Of course what you eat matters, if you don't have enough calories you end up feeling ill because your body prioritizes making milk. If you don't drink enough your supply slows down.

The first 6 weeks were horrendous for me. I almost gave up so many times. I actually went out and bought bottles and formula at one point because I was so fed up of this little milk monster constantly wanting boob. I didn't give it in the end, my wonderful BF councellor came out, sat with me and we talked about the issues I had. We started going to BF Support Group and it was brilliant. Totally changed the BF relationship with my DD because I understood feeding more. Also, at about 2 months DD became more efficient at feeding. By 4 months she could strip both boobs in 10 minutes flat!

Definately talk to someone about it, and if you feel that you're not making enough milk there are some suplements you can take. Stop making BF a chore, I started to put on my favorite DVD (Pride and Predjudice :)) have some nutella on toast and a nice big glass of cold juice. I'd also chat to DD about what we were going to be doing after her feed and made it our time.

Now DD is 2 she is down to morning and night feeds and I really miss feeding her.

Sounds like you're better off with mixed feeding. Don't let all tbe BF stuff get to you, it really doesn't matter - your baby will be just fine on a mix, or even just formula.

mixed feeding was a saviour when in agaony. left boob one feed, right boob the next, then the bottle for glorious painfree feed. each boob then had an 8 hour rest and was able to recover. the cluster feeding in the evening did not send me demented and I kept feeding foe 13 months til pregnant again and then 2 1/2 years. God knows when ds would have given up feeding if I had ebf as the midwife said he would give up early of i formula fed at all, though strangely breastmilk in a bottle would have been ok... ..

I would definitely get her checked for tongue tie. My DD had a similar pattern of very slow weight gain and wasn't diagnosed until 15 weeks. After we got it snipped she has piled the weight on.

have you spoken to a bf counsellor? the ones I know would never try to persuade you to bf if you don't want to, but would be able to tell you about mix feeding, how to switch without risking mastitis and how to try and protect your supply. on phone so can't link, but Google association of breastfeeding mothers to find the number.

yanbu. and ywnbu to keep bf whilst not enjoying, or to move to mix feeding, or to move entirely to formula. the important thing is to make a decision you are happy with.

yanbu, I founf BF easy but hated having my boobs schlepped out all the bloody time- so a dfferent issue!

Look, do what YOU think is best, please. If you want to introduce mixed feeding , well go for it.

YANBU to hate breastfeeding. Get some RL support and remember that quite a few women never actually like breastfeeding. I disliked it but stuck with it. What I did love was the extra sleep and ease of being able to go wherever I wanted to go without having to worry about bringing milk/sterilised bottles/hot water. That made up for the dislike I had for feeding.

Yanbu. I found it a revolting physical sensation and nobody in the world has the right to tell you you're not allowed to find something "nasty" if that's the way you feel.

I'm all for breast feeding.

However, it is so not worth being unhappy over & formula is a great alternative. I have plenty of friends who stopped BFing & found everyone was happy.

Do what makes you both happiest & don't let anyone make you feel it is wrong.

congratulations on new baby
it's ok to stop bf or mixed feed
you can consider you're happiness and preferences too,best wishes whatever you chose. being mum isn't defined by mode of feeding

My ds1 lost more than the reccommended weight on his 5 day check and the mw who weighed him was horrible! I was distraught, she told DP that if he didn't go to town and get some bottles and formula etc it would look very bad to any oth hcp's. I started expressing and feeding DS that way until my actual mw came to sign me off and was astounded at wha the other mw had suggested/forced us to do! It was only then that she explained that as DS had been born at 9lb15.5oz that it was normal to loose more than 10% of their weight.

The damage had been done though as DS would not go back on the breast and subsequently with ds2 I was too paranoid to bf as I was worried I couldn't provide enough. Sorry I'm rambling can you tell that 4 years on I'm still slightly bitter!

I don't think you are being unreasonable I think you have to do what you want not what others reccommend or say is best. It's what wors best for you that matters and if you're upset or really not liking it then stop!

Daenerys,

So sorry you are feeling like this. I remember a friend telling me her mum told her she was really sad to finish breast feeding as it was such a lovely thing to do bla bla, so harmonious etc etc. Then I had my first and I just thought, this is highly overrated! I just didn't enjoy it at all. But I was lucky it went quite smoothly and at some point I suddenly got what my friends mum was on about and it all fell into place. But I so clearly remember the first weeks of thinking this breast feeding lark is crap!

I also have a friend who had low milk supply and was quite bullied by health visitor and I think that stinks. I think BF is great if it works but when the debate gets dogmatic, it makes my blood boil!

Good luck and enjoy your baby!

Congrats on your new baby op.

Your experience sounds so much like mine. Well done for getting to 6 weeks I couldn't hack it.

It's your decision if you want to get help or to mix or even stop. Don't let your feelings about letting your baby (or people) down stop you. It's not like your just going to stop feeding her milk altogether.

I'm a strong believer in happy mum = happy baby. It certainly worked for me.