To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

From the OP, it doesn't look as if her DD has experienced much of a growth spurt, if the lack of weight gain is as little as I have understood. I am surprised that the people who are implying that OP is being selfish (not that it is any of their business) for even considering combined feeding are not equally concerned by her dd's lack of weight gain.

As others have said, there may be a problem with latching which it might be well to investigated. Otherwise, there have been good suggestions for mixed feeding which means you do not have to give up breast feeding altogether.

pps . Def look at diet and drinking enough water - I was on more than the 2 litres of water a day - and porridge is meant to be good for bm

I feel your pain. I persevered as long as I could through the sore nipple, latch on issues until one day I phone my husband in tears asking him to pick up some formula. The guilt was (and to some extent still is) unbearable and I would hide the boxes of formula so that anyone looking in the window wouldn't know I was FF, I felt so judged. It all became quite apparent I had PND and a really kind health visitor said to me that if you're depressed your body won't be making enough milk hormones etc (sorry not v technical!) which explained why I never leaked or felt that let down sensation. We were referred to a paediatrician as my daughter lost 10% of her body weight and dropped to 5lbs something but they just said keep feeding. I continued to feed her when she woke in the night until 5 months, once at 2am and then again about 5am and my boobs did strangely know to have milk then so think you can reduce feeds.....

YANBU

However I would urge you to get some support, if you're swayed

I'm a midwife and my advice is that breast is best but only if baby AND mum are happy.

You've done 6 weeks, well done. It's not easy.

Some of this advice is terrible!!! Empty crisp packets that is the singularly most unhelpful thing I've ever heard! Hang your head in shame as a HCP.

Fundamentally if breastfeeding is very difficult and has always been so and the baby is having a weight gain problem then the feeding needs a proper investigation. It should not be like that, this is not a normal breastfeeding relationship. The choices you have as I see it are to add in some formula temporarily (and with caution as it could make the problem worse depending on what it is) whilst you try to work out what is causing the problem from a proper breastfeeding professional I.e. not peer support and not doctors/midwives/health visitors who only have patchy knowledge of/training on breastfeeding. These people are gatekeepers to better advice from a breastfeeding specialist clinician. To carry in exclusively feeding and try to work out the problem as above or to decide with a new baby and unhelpful support services this is all too much and to switch of mixed feed. All if these would be valid choices that you personally could choose between. The main thing you need to consider is what you are personally happiest with, not what people think you should do and this can be very hard.

Nothing you eat or drink will make a difference and unless someone can look at you and the baby and say this is what is causing the problem and these are your long term options no-one has really investigated or supported you enough.

I bf my first 4 ds. When dd arrived prematurely 8 wks I was devastated that I couldn't bf. I was very ill for the first week and there was zero milk when I started to try and pump (since found out my auto immune condition prob caused this). Anyway I felt so bad, here was my 3lb 13 oz baby who needed my milk even more so and she didn't get it. Fast forward 2 and a half years and I'm pleased to say it hasn't made any difference. She has never been to the gp, has never been ill. My ds were also very healthy and I always put this down to the breast feeding, but I've come to think now that bf is only a small part of it.

And to me the soreness and weight gain probs indicate a problem with the latch possibly down to a lip or tongue tie. The amount you can express does not indicate how much is there when the baby sucks but also very young babies only need a tiny amount of breastmilk at each feed. It is very unlikely that you would not be capable of producing sufficient milk but it may be (and sounds like it to me) a problem with the milk transfer which may have lead to you producing less than the baby needs and very long and frequent feeding.

Offred Whoa there - no need to attack ECP, all she said was "I would urge you to get some support", don't quite see what she has to be ashamed about?

However your "Nothing you eat or drink will make a difference" is utter tosh - while I doubt eating tickleberries picked by the light of the moon or whatever will increase milk supply, a feeding mother needs a lot of water and good healthy food, feeding is exhausting in the early weeks and diet can make a difference. I wasn't looking after myself well at the OPs stage and was easily dehydrated - and that will have a detrimental affect on milk supply.

So - back in your box please. We're all offering our own experience, some of which the OP will hopefully find useful.

Gentleness i can do one better, he bf 'expert' on the health team had never even bf her children' and had no training

seriously all the latest research demonstrates that maternal diet has no effect on milk supply. The supply is prioritised over the mother. Only the most extreme malnourishment affects supply. It is unhelpful to suggest eating and drinking will help supply because it won't and it will merely provide a distraction and delay in getting proper help.

ECP said "breastfeeding is best but only if mother AND baby are happy" that is very unhelpful and ill advised advice. If the mother is unhappy and the baby isn't gaining then it is very likely there is a problem with some aspect of the feeding that needs investigation and help. Saying that just normalises the situation where there is clearly a problem and suggests that formula feeding is "the" answer. Actually there is a choice, a number of valid choices as I suggested before, and I think where women feel worst is when they have been given unsupportive support like this which in the future means they feel robbed of having made an informed choice.

bit ott offered. she is right if bf is making the mum unhappy, its time to rethink things

Piglet, the point is, if breastfeeding is making the OP unhappy because of the pain and lack of weight gain but she otherwise would want to breastfeed, there are probably solutions that will solve the OP's problem AND enable her to continue to BF.

Too many people, healthcare professionals and otherwise think the first solution for breastfeeding problems is to offer formula. It's not and that attitude means a lot of women who want to BF don't, can't or are left thinking they can't.

Yes, well all I'm saying is if it is making her unhappy and the baby is struggling to gain then that is likely to be because there is a problem with the feeding and that saying "if it makes you unhappy it is time to stop" normalises breastfeeding as unhappy and difficult and deprives mothers who are stuggling of the support they need and want to be able to continue.

I HATED breast feeding with a passion...DS had a tongue tie at birth which made the whole thing really difficult for him and excrutiatingly painful at birth. I persevered with exclusive BFing till 2 weeks old, then we gave him formula at night. AFter 6 weeks we switched to exclusive formula. It never gave me any pleasure or any kind of bonding feeling, and actually just made me tense every time I did it. I already have body image issues and it made me hate my body even more. You're led to believe that BFing is this lovely, natural thing to do, and for some people, it really isn't....and thats ok. Its flipping hard work for both you and baby, some people take to it like a duck to water, and others don't. Both he and I have been much happier since we switched to formula (speaking of which, we started on SMA gold and it gave him awful wind and constipation....switched to Aptamil and haven;t looked back!)

You've done a brilliant job so far and formula milk is not going to hurt your little one....it wouldn't be on the market if it was bad for them. I honestly didn;t properly feel bonded to my son, or like a proper mum, until I took the pressure off myself and jacked in the BFing...

I ff for the same reasons in your original post, I feel free and my baby is happy, settled and putting weight on at a steady pace. Don't feel guilty.

Hang on a second, I appreciate the replies and I am reading every single one of them so please read my updates too.
I am not sore in the slightest - i stated i was at the beginning before my milk had come in. My latch has been checked since day 1. I have breastfed her at every mw and hv visit and I have had visits every 2-3 days apart from this week (hv on holiday) when I took her to the clinic but I forgot her red book so the hv there had no info about her weight.
Telling me that my supply is not the problem doesn't explain why she feeds from me for the same amount of time she always has and then takes a bottle of formula on top.
I have offered top ups after every feed since yesterday and so far she has taken most. I am much happier knowing she has as much as SHE wants.
If there's anything i learned from here is that I won't be bullied into exclusively breastfeeding her and having a grizzly unhappy baby because of some selfish idea that everyone is the same, everyone can breastfeed fine and giving her formula will scar her for life. I am happy to continue for as much as I can because of her. I don't care if it's cheap or convenient or bonding or whatever. All that is irrelevant when I constantly feel so stressed and worried about her. She has been so much happier these past couple of days.

Glad to hear you've had some improvement over the past couple of days Daenerys. I hope you're feeling happier too as well as your daughter.

Been following the thread and very pleased that you are feeling happier and that your baby seems to be too.

Milk transfer is slightly different to latch. The fact there has been soreness and weight gain problems (not necessarily continuing soreness now) does indicate a possible problem with milk transfer especially if you are having to top up after a feed. It may well be a problem with supply, but this is very unlikely and normally due to previous medical history or a medical condition. It is more likely that the problem is with milk transfer causing a low supply and this can happen with a perfect latch if you have a tongue/lip tied baby. It is very important who checks latch and feeding. Health visitors, midwives, peer supporters and gps/paeds have very little breastfeeding training and are not qualified to analyse feeding issues in a baby with prolonged poor weight gain. Unfortunately they often do.

I am very glad that you are feeling much better and happy and there is no need to be defensive about it. The only reason I'm commenting is to try and dispell some of the misinformation on this thread. It is a complete myth that "sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work out" and it stops people getting the support they need. FWIW mums should be supported to make their own choices and not judged but I don't think you do that by giving misinformation. The number of women who experience heartache because they find out things later that they feel HCPs should have told them at the time is huge. This is prevented by giving good info at the time that people are making their own, equally valid, choices. You don't need to be a martyr to breastfeeding but formula is not a solve all and also not the only choice.

daenerys glad you are doing better.

I posted earlier, my DS2 is 15 weeks old and I have been advised to give him bottles. Before I get flamed I am still using expressed breast milk and some formula but he was feeding every 2 hours from me, give him a bottle and he does 4 or 5 hours.

Everyone is different and you need to do what is best for you.

This whole thread makes me sad.
We are really lucky today to have a choice. Breastmilk is obviously designed for babies. Unfortunately, nature hasn't arranged for breastfeeding to be possible for every mother.

Luckily, due to the wonders of science, we now have a substitute, which, when used in the western world, where we all have access to clean water and the means of steralising bottles, is perfectly acceptable to use if that is what the mother chooses to do. And it does what it says on the tin - it feeds your baby.

Yes, it's sad if the decision is taken away from the mother, but honestly, ime, breastfeeding isn't some great mystical experience, it's a means of giving a baby food.

And the result of either method is a healthy, growing baby.

OP - do whatever works for you.

and at the OTT comments from offered.

I won't hang my head in shame for advising a mum to get support, so she can maybe sort this problem out. However, a mum simply won't let down her milk if she is uncomfortable at feeding whether that be physically (soreness) or psychologically (feeling she has to) - these are just examples btw. Before I get flamed again oh I'd also like to add I have a wealth of experience in regards to feeding. I am UNICEF trained, and also a mum. I know how hard it is, I know the freaking guilt. I know how horrible it is to have a prem baby who is slow to gain and be told its because of breastmilk and they need topping up.

I'm glad the OP has found a solution and is feeling better.

I won't ever hang my head in shame for supporting a mum whatever choice she makes with regards to feeding her child, I support mums.

YA of course NBU however I would say that ime you have to 'hit the wall' with bfing and once you get past that it suddenly gets a whole lot eaiser!!!

It takes a baby about 6 weeks to really figure out how to feed efficiently and effectively and I found by about 8 weeks it started to feel eaiser, I wasn't so stressed and felt like I had more milk iykwim?! Good luck and hope you are feeling better

I am really glad things seem to be settling down for you and baby. Long may it continue.

I know lots have people said the same on this thread, but I went through hard time breastfeeding my son in the first 8 weeks, then turned a corner! But it was very difficult and in retrospect I have no idea why I was so stubborn and put myself through that.

I did after around 2 weeks start formula and at that time he went down to 2 bf a day, for a short while, then by around 7 weeks we were back ebf. He didn't put much weight on during this time but it was increasing. (this is not to recommend this to anyone, just to say that even in early weeks supply can be increased WITHOUT expressing - see comments below about my temporary expressing stress!). By six months he was a fairly fat baby and if I tried to explain to anyone about the early days and how he seemed hungry, not putting on weight and fed ALL THE TIME, it just looked like I was being ridiculous as he was so chubby :-)

I got completely obsessed with weight and feeding during this time (first 8 weeks) and only in time could I put it into any type of perspective. You don't sound crazy like I was!

My aim at his birth, was to try and get him to his first 3 lots of jabs. In the end after the corner was turned I fed him for 13 months and believe me I wouldn't have done more than I set out, unless it had become handy and easy.

Anyway I meant to write this to answer your question not tell you all about what happened!

YANBU

Just as suggestions, hope you don't mind

It only felt like a bit of a bonding experience after ?many months - maybe 4 - and I would absolutely not have bothered breastfeeding for that! There were plenty of other bonding moments and my friends bonded perfectly feeding their babies with a bottle from early days.

I couldn't express hardly anything (perhaps half an oz at most - I tried with electric pump, hospital electric pump, a hand pump or hand expressing, nothing worked - which freaked me out often as I kept thinking there is not much in there) in first 8 weeks, but by the time he was 4 months old I was getting extra if I tried expressing and so started doing milk banking for premature babies who needed it at local hospital. I personally think this may be due to the stress I had got myself into at the time.

Breast compressions seemed to help milk supply (as mentioned before in posts), I kept on with them anyway.

I think they exaggerate how much adding some formula stops you breastfeeding - if you want to continue doing breastfeeds with top ups that may be fine - or split some feeds to breastmilk and some to formula. I've met plenty of mums who found it perfectly possible to continue for as long as they wanted. And in my experience it is possible to reduce formula later if that is what you chose (but I am not telling you to do this, only for info - because I didn't know until I did it) I looked up many websites but through all that time never came to a chat room, no idea why I didn't. Sorry this is so long!

It seems to me that Offred is talking a lot of sense. I think it's helpful to try to remove the emotive aspect of this and look at the facts. Suggesting that it might be worth exploring why BF isn't working before resorting to formula is NOT the same thing as suggesting that not BF makes someone a bad mother.

Daenerys, you say that your baby will BF but then drink formula afterwards, and that you wonder whether this means that you aren't producing enough milk. Are you offering her the bottle immediately after she finishes BF? Or, is there a delay after BF in which you go and make up the bottle? If there is a delay, it could be that your DD was in fact full after her BF, but finds room for some more because of the pause. My own experience certainly confirms that babies need a bit of a rest before continuing feeding sometimes.