To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

Daenerys I had similar worries re. weight loss and bf as you with my third.

As it happens I had the opposite pressure from the HVs who wanted me to top up with formula at the first sniff of failing to gain weight, and also probably had a different take on things as he was my third and I was just more relaxed about everything.

Do not feel pressurised by anyone on this, it is your decision. Personally I found it a great relief to make the decision that I would use some formula and carried on mixed feeding until about 8 months but if you do decide to stop bf then you are doing it because you feel it is the right thing to do in your circumstances and that makes it the right thing to do for you.

x-post with maddening, i have tried tommee tippee and avent manual pumps and a medela mini electric one so far. i just don't have time to be spending hours on end expressing, i already struggle to find time to eat and if she just took 4 oz of formula that would literally be 3 hours of expressing to get that much out of myself.
I will ring the helplines in a bit, i just hope they won't start telling me off for topping her up!

Agh! The cosy piccies in magazines make it all look so easy, don't they?

I had similar problems, which is when I stopped doing set feed times and switched to feeding on demand. Also, when she had finished one side I kept switching her from side to side, until she'd had enough.

Also I tried a breast feeding tea by Immergruen. I bought it over the Internet but some pharmacies now stock them (their website will tell you). I believe such teas are commonly used by nursing mothers in other countries (but beware if you have any underlying health conditions). The tea did not make my milk instantly gush out but did improve things a bit.

I tried topping up for a while (whilst my cracks from the first weeks were healing) and found that Baby got to preferring the bottle because it was easier. A bottle called Breastflow made all the difference as it acted like the boob and slowed baby down.

I believe in breast feeding but if it is getting you down and the remedies suggested here by myself and others don't appeal, then cut yourself some slack.

Hope things improve for you!

xx

I am passionate about breast feeding

however i had no idea how hard i would find it and how emotion evoking it is

but i carried on and carried on, because i am strong willed and there was no way i was feeding my human cow milk.

suddenly when she was about 5.5 months old something clicked and i liked it. (I had decided and refused to budge that my baby would not have formula before 6m)

but yes i didnt like it, and i spent many many many hours in my feeding chair at night crying my eyes out cause i hated it so much.

I completely understand why people dont like it

Now i LOVE it... DD is 9m old, she has still never had formula and i intend to BF her until she self weans

people may say not worth being unhappy.... but i know that for me, feeding DD cow formula would have made me even more unhappy and i know i would have regretted it.

Daenerys I'll strongly recommend calling one of the BF helplines I linked to.

What you are describing might be lower supply since you've been topping up. It wuld be worth looking up breast compressions and switch nursing. Here is a Kellymom link that might be helpful increasing supply

And no decent BFC will tell you off for topping up. they will however be able to tell you how to eliminate top ups if you want to.

Not read whole thread but I really struggled with bf and at times wanted to give up. I kept going and after about 10 weeks we finally got to the stage where I started enjoying it and then bf happily until 9m. I discussed it with DH and he said he would support me whatever I wanted to do and somehow this gave me the strength to just try one more day, then one more day... It was not a fun time. On balance I am glad I persevered BUT you should do whatever you want to do and no one has the right to make you feel guilty about it. All I am saying is that in my case, the point at which I thought I couldn't go on, it actually all got easier. And that was a few weeks from where you are now.

Good luck whatever you decide to do and enjoy your little one.

Daenerys The helplines won't tell you off for topping up, they are very lovely and helpful and not at all judgemental. They know how hard it can be to bf and they just try to help.

We did mixed feeding at about 5 weeks. It lasted a few weeks, until DS started refusing the bottle. DS also had 15 mins on each breast and still wasn't full, so that's why we started the bottles. We have gone back to EBF, but there are still days when he eats all the time and I feel like he is surgically attached to my breast.

If you want to stop or mixed feed then do. But I'd reiterate that you need expert help if you want to carry on breastfeeding.

OP - many women stop bf because of concerns about 'insufficient milk', far more than could possibly be expected to given what we know about lactation physiology. I really think you should see a bf counsellor who can tell you if this is likely to be the case and if there's anything you cand do to improve your supply.

If you don't want to continue bf or exclusively bf anyway then that is a different matter but it seems a shame that this particular issue is causing you so much angst.

She has only had 2 oz of formula a few days ago after a feed. This was her second so I don't really see how that 2 oz could have dramatically lowered my supply..

I wonder if a better pump might help - I had tt one - not great - could only pump 1st thing in the morning and get anything and that was 2oz max on a good day!- my freestyle double electric medela that I got for my return to work (before I took redundancy) was fab and got a good amount in 15 mins - maybe try and see if hv can lend you a good pump? You could use it to increase supply also.

I also 2nd the speaking to gp about meds/ supplements to increase supply.

good luck with whatever you decide and congratulations on making it this far

Sorry - I'm unclear on this. you arne't topping up? I was under the impression you were.
However re-reading your OP you said people have told you not to but it sounds like they aren't really offering any alternatives?

Sorry, i was unclear. I said in my second post she has had only one bottle to date. When I wrote the op I was considering topping up because she is gaining so slowly.
Her second bottle was today's top up after a feed

okay - from what you said on page 3 that sounds like breast compression could help (did you read the link I posted - scroll down and there are a load of useful ideas, and internet resources) if she's getting tetchy and/or switch nursing.

Hi,
congratulations on your baby :-)
It sounds like you are really stressed out and worried for your baby, that you really want to do what the right thing for her and feel under pressure to continue breastfeeding because you are worried of being judged if you make a decision to use formula. Concern about her weight and her feeding are getting in the way of you enjoying your baby - it's hard to feel 'bonding' through bfing if you are spending the whole feed worrying about how much milk is enough.
Please do contact a qualified breastfeeding counsellor - she will be able to listen to the whole situation and help you work out what decision is going to be right for you, and if you do want to continue bfing then she will be able to talk to you about ways of helping you and your baby to enjoy bfing and to ensure that your baby is thriving. If you decide to introduce more formula a counsellor can talk to you about that to.
Are you getting the chance to talk to other mums face to face? The first weeks are hard for most new mums - if you could get to a breastfeeding group or baby cafe you could get some expert support from a counsellor and also a bit of moral support from other mums.
good luck,
Cathy

I remember with DC2 when I got to 3 months thinking woo hoo I am already 1/4 of a way through my target of bfing. I hated it then. Now DC2 is 13 months and we are going to be carrying on for a while yet.

I didn't have an easy start with either of mine. Both were premmie and small. DC2 wasn't so small and didn't go to SCBU so it was easier. However it was no fun at the start. Now I love it. With DC1 he was never that in love with bfing once he discovered food but DC2 loves her milk and now she sleeps well on the whole I love feeding her. As I say I didn't really have easy starts but did persevere and am really glad I did.

See a bf counsellor or go to a group and they can help you make a decision.

Congrats btw.

YANBU

im a die hard breastfeeder one of those nasty millitants people go on about but i would never dream of bullying anybody into bf if you dont enjoy it or feel you cant cope with it then switch to ff.

if you want to pop into a surestart centre and ask about the breastfeeding support service they offer often this is a peer support group they can give supportive advice regarding bf issues because it may be just that you need a bit of support or advice in how to improve the suituation for you and once your not fretting about how much dc is getting then you may well start to enjoy it, if they come across as bullyish or anything like that then complain as this is NOT part of there role.

your breasts will produce as much milk as you need thats the way they work it takes a few weeks for it to establish properly and its different for everyone i personally found 8 weeks to be when things are established enough to use dummys ect,in therory this should mean that at about that time dropping a feed or two shouldnt much matter as your breasts will continue to produce the milk you need but its never something ive tried so wouldnt want to say a firm yes it will be fine.

you could also check your eating in a healthy way not dieting or anything as that can impact.and that you are feeding for long enough on each side the hind milk takes awhile to come through

but dont feel obliged to bf at all if its not your thing stressed out mums struggle to bf if it is that thats causing the stress then dont look at it as giving up view it as changing something you find to be a negative experance into a possitive one go buy some bottles and be proud that you are making the right choice for you.

I haven't read all the posts so you probably have this from other posters, but for me mixed feeding worked fine and if you are careful you will not dry up. I breastfed exclusively for 8-9 weeks, then switched to half breast/half formula, then gave up breastfeeding completely at 4.5 months.

Basically you need to be utterly consistent about which feeds are breast and which are formula, and only drop a feed slowly.

I started giving a bottle for the first night feed. Then after a few days switched the early afternoon feed to bottle. Then the bedtime feed, and so on. I did 3 formula/2 breast for several weeks, and then 4 formula and 1 breast until recently. Obviously my milk supply went down but, by being consistent and never missing a breastfeed I wanted to keep, I always had enough (I checked often by offering a top up after DS had finished but he was rarely interested).

Good luck and please don't feel bad about not liking breastfeeding. I thought I did but, when I look back, I think what I liked was actually just the relief it gave my bulging aching leaky breasts!

if you have tried everything, are thoroughly miserable, have hungry miserable baby and have really given it your best shot - there is another option.
Formula feed will not make you a demon and turn your offspring into a mutant.
He/she and you will survive! Who knew??
Please be happy and enjoy your baby. I did a mixture of bf and ff for all 3 DCs and for what it's worth, the one with the worst immunity and most illnesses has been the one who bf longest. Dunno what that proves, but there you go.

I struggled with breastfeeding too so switched to formula (despite getting shouted out by the midwife. Cow.). My daughter is now 5 and happy and healthy. She's a good eater too! If you really feel like you can't go on with it, switch to formula, and enjoy a stress-free time with your newborn.

sorry i havnt read all the posts but here is what i think.

You say you are not enjoying breastfeeding,but what you describe isnt how breastfeeding should be.You need to get PROPER support from a breastfeeding counseller,HV and MW sometimes dont have a clue about BF.

Get in touch with la leche league,you dont even have to go to a meeting you can talk to other experienced mums who have been trained over the phone.

If you really want to breastfeed then you need to get the right support (and that also means eating and drinking plenty and resting as much as possible so you make plenty of milk-dont worry about how much you can pump its never as much as a baby can get out)its a personal choice whether you want to FF and even though its something i wouldnt choose to do i dont think you should feel guilty about it if thats what you decide to do.

Both DC lost weight, slow to gain weight for all of the 6 months they were ebf..... First time round v stressed (not helped by interfering hv's giving poor advice, and obsessing about centiles). Second DC same thing..... Just I was more relaxed. Thing was they now both eat tonnes and are skinny minnies..... And I sort of knew when they were being breastfed that they were never going to be great weight gainers..... It was all about becoming more confident/ comfortable.....

oh and I'm with demented. Switch to formula if you like! it's fine