To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

I think one of the things I didn't realise in the early weeks of breastfeeding, is that lots of ff mums found it hard too! Babies of six weeks are exhausting and ff mothers wonder all the time if they are doing the right thing too. And they worry about colic and sleep and crying just like someone who is breastfeeding.

I think often when people give up, it is a time when the baby is about to become more settled anyway, whether it was breastfed or formula fed.

The thing that helped most, was the sit with other breastfeeding mums and just be, and I think the baby liked it too! I had loads of weight gain issues with my ds1 now 12, and I felt that formula saved my life when I added a bottle, but really what the formula did was reassure me that he was getting exactly what he needed at a difficult time, and from then on, the breastfeeding improved dramatically. I loved breastfeeding by four months and went on till 10 with first, and 2 years with second and third babies. But it was torture worrying those first six - 8 weeks, and I seriously doubted my capacity to provide milk for my baby. Van Morrison and support from people who understood saved me I think.

Firstly, apologies, I have only read your posts, as I don't have time to read the entire thread.

From your OP, it sounds like you are largely disenchanted with bf, rather than actively disliking the actual process of having DD at your breast? It frustrates you that you can't judge the quantity your dd takes, and you're upset that you don't find it enjoyable. To me, it sounds like you need to accept the limitations of bf and set yourself a 'deadline' for stopping or continuing (a week/month) - then if you still feel this way you can move on to ff/mix feeding without beating yourself up about 'giving it another week'. You've done well to carry on for 6 weeks as it is.

I didn't enjoy bf for the first 4/5 months (had almost every problem in the book), and didn't find it a remotely bonding experience, but it worked out in the end for us, DS is nearly 14mo and still bf.
A friend of mine had no problems at all bf, but simply found the process icky, hated every second, and practically danced down the street when she gave up after a few months - it's such a personal experience, we're all so different! Anyone who tries to lay down the law to you about bf/ff can sod right off - your baby, your boobs, your mental health.

My DS put on weight slowly too - but I was told that this wasn't a problem as long as he continued to do so consistently. Some kids are always going to be at the lower end of the centiles, someone has to be after all! It doesn't always signify a problem.

Let-down while pumping is never as strong as while baby is feeding so you often get less than baby would, and you may not have a strong let-down anyway - my HV told me I have "extremely efficient nipple sphincters" !! I never sprayed, barely leaked after the first couple of months, and never got much out while pumping - meh.

I'd just suggest trying to accept/relax about the bfing and going with the flow for another week or two, you sound like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, six weeks is still early days in my book! :)
At the end of the day tho, your DD will be fine whatever method she's fed by, ff babies grow up just as big and strong as bf babies!

Sorry for looooong post...

Some of your OP sounds very familiar to me. My DD would feed for ages (nearly 2 hours at time) and still seem to be hungry. We started topping up and the change in her was immediate. I remember her feeding from me for 1.5 hours, then we offered her a bottle and she drained it. I may be wrong, but to me that showed she wasn't getting everything she needed from me! After the bottles were introduced she became more content.

At the time it felt like a MASSIVE deal to me that I didn't stick with b/feeding and moved to bottles. My dd is now 21 months and I really couldn't care less that I switched to bottles. I had PND (and I think my struggles with b/feeding contributed to it) and changing to bottles helped. Prior to that I had really been resenting my DD everytime she wanted fed.

So, what I am saying is, do what YOU and YOUR DH want to do. Don't worry about you think others may think. What matters is your wee family.

OP, first of all, I would suggest posting in the feeding section or linking to this post in there. Replies may be more constructive in that part of the forum. A lot of qualified BF counsellors/peer supporters post there and can give advice. Not just advice on BF, but advice on doing what you want to do.

How you feed your baby is your decision. If your DD was gaining weight well, would you still hate BF though? I think some RL support would definitely be helpful to you. BF helplines (I have found the BFN one very helpful and LLL early on) will not judge you for giving formula or wanting to give some formula. You want to make sure your baby is getting enough to eat and is not left unsatisfied, what is wrong or to critiscise about that?

However, it might be possible that your baby is satisfied with EBF or that there are adjustments you can make so that things improve all round, without having to give formula if that's what you'd prefer.

Just to add, I hated breastfeeding every time with mine. I switched to formula early on with my first three DC and regretted it later onw hen I actually missed BF and because of that persevered with this baby and am still BF now at a year old. I did absolutely hate it early on though, although for different reasons to you, but I love it now and wouldn't change things for the world.

I really sympathise. I never imagined doing anything but breastfeeding but in the end it just did not work for us. It made me and my baby miserable and nearly ruined our first weeks together. I feel so much better for deciding to stop and change to formula. Breast feeding is great but not if it makes you miserable.
FWIW I was forumla fed. My brother was breast fed. We are both happy, successful, intelligent, healthy people. My brother has not turned out better than me in any way, nor worse :)

My own thoughts are that most babies find a weight and percentile that is more natural to them in the first few months after birth. In the womb they reflect the moms eating habits more. All mine lost weight and dropped to the lowest percentile but it didn't surprise. They are all really healthy but slim and bright now still as older kids. I BF for a long time and can assure you that if you choose to carry on it will get quicker, easier and you will get used to their food level intake.

I think there is too much emphasis now on volume consumed and it is hard to get used to having faith that your body can do it. The bond from feeding built up over a long time for me, and it was at exactly the point you are at that I considered stopping. She wasn't feeding properly, I was exhausted and desperate to share the feeds etc, I couldn't express. Then I realised that the stress and the hold (I moved to the rugby ball hold as across the body was not working for me) were making things harder.

Stress was interfering as I realised that when expressing, if I stressed about it or even thought about it, my milk stopped. So... I put inane crap on TV and zoned out, and when feeding zoned out by reading the news etc on my phone. This was a great solution and got my milk flow going a treat!

I am not saying there is a solution, as breast feeding is not for everyone. I am the first one in 2 generations in my family to do it for any length of time and enjoy it. My daughter is 18 months old and still feeding, asking for 'Boobie Ta' - this is where I feel the bond... now she asks and gets excited as she gets so much comfort from it.

It has been tough though at times and I don't think anyone should try and make you feel guilty if you want to stop.

i didnt read all thread

but, i read the OP has doubts that baby has enough and that there are little weight gain and that she doesnt pump a lot!

well- first
World Health organisation gave parameters on which you can make desicion about enough or not> it is 1) weight gain in A MONTH should be minimum 500 grm, which is slightly more than a 1lb
2) as crazy as it sounds for western mummies "wet nappy test".. baby should pee minimum 12 times per 24 hours. normally counting pee when baby has enough milk last from morning till evening.

if these are smaller than we need, than yu need a councelour for BF...

and to bond- simple "nesting" will do the trick. stay in the bed for 2-3 days. let the others take care of food, house and other thing
so- bed, you and baby, nobdy else is taking care of the baby, skin ti skin contact as much as possible. soft light, soft sounds. it will come!

about pumping- it is absolutely has no right information on how much you have. baby's ability to suck is stronger than any pumping machine!

good luck, BF is really a gift, and it is not difficult if you know WHY are you doing it!

Oh you poor thing, I've been in a similar position.

DD1 first 6 weeks were sore, she didn't get back to her birthweight and looked just so scrawny for ages. I expressed (never got more than 2oz, and then with blood in it-bleurgh!), topped up and fed with shields. In the end I stopped at 8 weeks. The guilt, dear god, for not being able to feed her, satisfy her or feed the same as all the other mums I knew (none had any issues) was hideous.

I found the whole exprience really emotionally shattering and physically I was just about prepared to cut my own breasts off from the pain. The guilt stayed for quite a while, but at least I was happier and DD was gaining.

Second time round I FF from a week (my milk still hadn't come in and I couldn't hold baby as I was so sore). I had the rest of my family to think of and I could not afford to turn back into the emotional wreck I had been first time round.

There is some really good advice on here and lots of places you can go to for support. Whatever decision you make though don't feel guilty you will be doing the best for your child and your circumstances. Good luck, hope it all works out ok.

Haven't read all the thread yet. I tried to bf ds but due having had a cs it was difficult. I half starved the poor little bugger. He was quite a sickly baby and I spent the whole time feeding him, and he was getting hardly anything. I was very stressed due to my circumstances.

I ended up supplementing with formula which wasn't ideal as twice the work and the guilt I felt was enormous.

When I had dd, I tried again to feed her but had problems (another cs) was highly stressed with my situation at the time (oh the joys of being a forces wife). I decided quite early on to ditch the bf and move to ff. It was the best decision for me. I did still feel very guilty but she began to settle and it had to be worth it. Believe me, I did persevere with both dc's but sometimes you just have to do what is best for you both.

I tried for 3 weeks to bf my DD but every time I lay her down she screamed. The MW's were no help at all, one even said - you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink!! this was after telling us at ante natal that they would come round every day if necessary to help us with feeding! the hospital sent me home knowing that I was struggling with bf and gave me a leaflet on making up bottles!

so after 3 weeks of baby and me crying at every feed, we switched to ff and never looked back. my DD is now 4yo and happy and healthy, bar the usual colds/stomach bugs when they sweep round the preschool.

Do not feel guilty. i would not allow anybody to make me feel guilty about not bf. the most important thing is that mum and baby are both happy.

OP if you do decide to give bf another go, it helped me to think about what a tiny period in my DS's life this was - just a few hard weeks/months out of the 18-odd years I expect to have with him at home. For some reason it helped me rationalise why I was sticking with bf even when it was really difficult.

The only reason I go on about sticking with it is because once you stop, that's it. You can start ff at any time, but you can't get your supply back once it's gone, so you must be sure it's what you really want to do, without pressure from anyone else, even your DH.

Oh YANBU

I could have written your post, DS now 5, DD 3

I had virtually zero milk supply both times

Midwife suggested Fenugreek herbal tablets, they have been known to boost milk supply since Egyptian times. I took 1 tablet each day and milk supply improved in just 2 days

it is not easy

wish I had just ff from the beginning, as it really clouded my memory of the entire newborn stage, as I put so much pressure on myself

I think the OP should talk to her HV and then decide if she really wants to carry on BF.
But I think it's unjustified to bash HV's and midwives for making mothers feel bad for not breastfeeding it's one of those damned if you do damned if you don't scenarios. Some women complain that the MW or HV wasn't supportive enough with breastfeeding others will moan that they were made to feel bad for not breastfeeding, in reality mothers feel guilty about all sorts of childrearing issues, it's not fear to deflect the blame on to an overworked under paid health care professinal

Professional

I have not read whole thread, but if you are finding it hard to fit in eating this may be part of the issue. Try lots of protein rich snacks such as cheese, was going to say nuts but realise some may not like this. Maybe try seeds. Drink a lot of water I wa constantly thirsty when bf. When I expressed with my first (fed her totally like this for 6 months) had to make sure I relaxed by slow breathing before I started, and anytime I fed I expressed as well. However, I was very very stressed and did not really enjoy the first six months as much as I should have.

Do as you feel you know what is best or you and your baby. I did what I did as I suffer badly from eczema and wanted to try to help stop my DD suffering like I did. Not sure it helped due to what I have read since but does not have it as badly as me.

Second child bf but only after first three weeks mixing ff and bf do not think would have done it without mixed feeding. Ff gave me a break.

It is one part of caring for your baby it is very emotive but it seriously is not worth ruining your precious time with your very new baby. Unless it is especially important to you. Good luck xx

As I posted above - eating will only help the mum feel better and not affect the milk or supply at all.

It is unhelpful to suggest that bf mothers need to eat specific things or amounts when they have enough to do!

Just eat when you are hungry and drink when thirsty to keep yourself healthy.

kellymom.com/nutrition/mothers-diet/mom-diet/

Daenerys I think you're doing brilliantly by trying to do what's best for your baby and by coming on here and asking for help. I would agree with the advice for you to seek help from a support group of some kind. From your description it sounds like you're having trouble making enough milk and there are a lot of things you can do to improve your milk supply. It could be that your baby just isn't latching on in the best way to stimulate your milk supply. Or that the stress is stopping you from letting down. As another poster said there are medicines to increase your milk supply. If you find you can't increase your milk supply and baby is still hungry then supplementing with formula after some feeds or using mixed feeding would be good solutions too.

My DS1 would not latch on at all, I think I got him latched on two or three times and he would immediately spit the nipple out as soon as he got any milk. I ended up feeding him through nipple shields but this caused the same problem as you, my milk supply wasn't stimulated enough because of the nipple shields in my case. I introduced one bottle of formula a day at 4 months and that was enough to change him from a hungry baby to a content baby.

You're trying to do what's best for your baby and that's very important, but you need to look after yourself too and this stress you're going through isn't good for either of you.

Good luck to you.

You dont HAVE to like it. However when you are talking about hating it and the baby's weight gain being low it really makes me think that there is a problem with the feeding. No-one can tell you what to do but it sounds like the support you have is unsupportive. They need to get to the bottom of why it is so hard for you and why the baby is not gaining. Have you had the baby checked for tongue/lip ties? Have you seen the infant feeding co-ordinator or and IBCLC?

YANBU...you need to get some support to help you.

Do not feel bad if you stop BF...we are lucky in the UK that there is formula available and have facilities to sterilise etc. I do not get why women are made to feel like bad mothers if they do not BF, for whatever reasons.

BF is much more of a big deal in terms of survival in some countries in Africa where they do not have formula or adequate sterilisation...we are lucky to have the choice here.

You've done brilliantly to have breastfed for six weeks (much better than me!). I hated bf, just couldn't cope with it at all. I topped up with formula within a few days of each birth just making sure they had the colostrum (sp) so I could stop. My DC are all normal, healthy, intelligent adults now.

The most important thing here is that a happy, relaxed Mum and Dad will mean a more contented well-fed baby however she is fed. Look after yourselves, op

ps 6 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks are also usual growth spurts - meaning you do get this constant feeding etc - and doing this builds up your supply naturally- and can be incredibly tiring and frustrating for the mother.

From the wonder weeks book there are also several developmental leaps during the 1st 4 months that can lead to a fussy baby.

With both of my kids, 7 weeks was the magic time when it all started getting easier. I hope it does for you too. A few points to make:

1. Forget about wondering how much your baby is getting. I understand the worry, but it's really not necessary for you to know, and you'll stop needing to eventually!

1. My DS also struggled to gain weight. I was advised to eat more and rest more. Doing this seemed to work. If you're stressed perhaps you're not eating properly, so focusing on this could help.

1. Both mine went through a stage of crying and coming off the breast. With DD, I worked out that she objected to lying on her left side, so I would just lie her on her right instead. With DS, he cried when let-down occurred. A breastfeeding advisor said that the let-down might be too fast for him, and that I should express some milk then put him back on. That sounded like too much faff, so I didn't do it. Instead I would just wait until the initial let-down had subsided before putting him back on, which seemed to work. But with both children, this turned out to be a short-lived phase anyway - as with many things that very young children do.

1. I adore both my children, and BF DD until she was 17 months old, but I have never experienced it as a bonding process. We bond in many other ways, just not with BF. So don't heap expectations on yourself which make you miserable when you fail to live up to them!

1. You know what is best for you and your baby. You wouldn't be posting here about your worries if you didn't have her best interests at heart, so - regardless of what anyone says - reaching for the formula wouldn't make you a bad mother, or lazy, or selfish. Take the professionals' advice on board, and do what on balance you think is best. I had the opposite pressure: when DS was failing to gain weight, one GP told me to top up with formula. Also, when we were TTC and I was BF DD, another GP told me I wouldn't get pregnant unless I stopped BF (unbeknownst to anyone I was already pregnant at the time!). I ignored both of them because I feel quite strongly about it. If you feel strongly that you should top up, do it.

1. Were you given the number of a BF support worker? If not, ask your HV. In my experience they are very helpful and supportive, and focus on addressing your problems rather than pressurising you into continuing BF.

Good luck!