To dislike breastfeeding

[Daenerys]

My daughter is currently 6 weeks old. She has been exclusively breast fed from day 1.
Had a few issues to start with, mainly soreness on my part but we persevered and (I thought) all was fine.
She initially lost 9% of her birth weight and has only just come back up now at 6 weeks.
She has put on 1oz in the past 2 weeks. I feel absolutely dreadful because of this. I hate not knowing how much she has from me, I tried pumping but never got more than 2 oz in nearly 1.5 hours. I don't feel any bonding when I am feeding her I just feel like I'm failing to nurture her. For the past few days she even started coming off the breast and crying.
This is stressing me out so much and whenever I try discussing it with anyone especially about topping her up with formula or combined feeding all I get is "no, you can't do that, it's selfish, not good for her"
I don't know if I can keep going like this, i am constantly upset about it. Dh is also worried and that makes me feel no better.
I would like to try to keep feeding her breast milk at least once a day solely for the health benefits. Is that possible or will I dry up completely if I try anything like that.
And more to the main question, aibu to really dislike breastfeeding? It makes me feel awful and it's horrible not knowing how much she has, I feel pressured to keep going because i know so many mums struggle with things like pain, latching and so on and we have no issues with that..

Hi OP, sorry I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to share my experience as it sounds similar to yours in some respects.

Like you, I was lucky not to suffer from much pain or other problems that many women experience. But for me, the hardest part of breastfeeding by far was the 'not knowing how much they are getting' issue. Their weight gain was not particularly reassuring, especially for DS1 who dropped from 75th percentile at birth to 25th percentile at 3 months. There were times when he put on very small amounts in a 2-week period (although this would usually be followed by a period when he gained a lot in the next 2 weeks). I was worried he would just keep dropping down the percentiles, but he stabilised at the 25th percentile and later rose a bit. Like you, I was rubbish at pumping too. DS1 is now 6 and is tall, strong and healthy.

However, unlike you I really enjoyed breastfeeding. So for me the best solution was to carry on and learn to trust my body to provide enough milk and DS1 to take as much as he needed - and I did eventually get to this point.

Of course you may need to take a different approach. Best of luck.

I would really, really recommend getting good, sound, professional help from La Leche League or NCT (not necessarily from health visitor). Are there support groups near you? Can you speak to the advice line?

Despite dd having sucking power that could have unblocked drains, I found it really hard. Nothing like it said in the stupid Emma's diary, I think it was, that was dished out 14-15 years ago.

I got really uptight about it, and was desperate to continue. Eventually, after a bout of mastitis, I slipped in the odd formula feed. I was told to decide how many bottles a day to give - which seemed rather odd at the time, but later made sense. In the end, after about 12 weeks, it got really easy, and I was so glad that I'd persevered. After she started solids at 16 weeks, the norm at the time, it seemed such a shame to stop, and so I carried on until I went back to work when she was 6 months old.

In the end, she stopped when she was 20 months old, after a horrid cold at a new nursery, when she was so bunged up she couldn't suck and swallow.

A La Leche League counsellor really helped, but the thing that was most helpful was relaxing about it, and dropping infacol, which I found useless, for gripe water after 4 weeks as dd cried all evening, every evening.

The other thing I found helpful was to have a sleep, if possible, in the afternoon which helps increase the hormones that help with milk production.

The really lovely thing was that when dd started talking, she could remember being breast-fed, so I was glad I'd carried on.

Just one point which hasn't been made - please don't assume what you're able to do with a pump has any bearing on how much you're actually feeding your baby. I was pretty good at pumping as it goes, but even so it would be a slow old process.

If you want proof of how much better your baby is at stimulating letdown than a pump - try this experiment. Stick the pump on one boob, have a go for five minutes, then stick the baby on the other boob and watch your pumping boob turn from a leaking tap into a shower head...

Hi OP. I haven't read the whole thread, but seriously could have written your post myself when I had DD. A happy mother = a happy baby. If BF is making you seriously miserable then stop (or at least tip the balance of FF to BF so you feel happy / released / contented in yourself). You have already BF for the most important bit, and frankly there is a lot of rubbish written about maternal bonding and BF. You have a mind and body to bond with your baby as well as nipples. It is how you behave towards your baby which is important.

If you have posted to seek 'permission' to stop BF because you're finding it makes you miserable, then I think you have received lots of support on this thread. You have to make a decision and get on with it for the sake of your mind though. I kept asking for help and complaining about BF and people offered me more and more support to carry on. What I wanted was for someone to say 'well if you bloody well hate it that much, just stop'! After weeks of anguish I came to that decision myself and became a much happier mother with a much happier baby.

Firstly well done for managing 6 weeks!! It is so hard & not one health professional tells it like it really is, I'm lucky that both dc took to bf really easily so my experience was/is still a good one, however, I still found it hard. I would say she is probably feeling how stressed you are about it hence the coming off & crying-they do have a growth spurt around now & it can feel like you're constantly feeding them, what I will say though is that it gets so much easier the longer you do it & if you do decide to continue you will look back on this period & be amazed at how hard it was-yes really

Haven't read all posts so don't know if you attend a bf group or have one available to you but if you do then please go as the support workers are fantastic at helping you through the difficult periods & I personally made some lovely friends who again are a great support as they are experiencing the same ups & downs as you so can give really hepful advice & tips.

That said if you really are struggling & feel that it isn't for you anymore then give it up as this is best for both you & baby & you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

BTW-a good book I found was 'Best friends guide to surviving the first year of motherhood' it's very funny & tells it just like it is

Pump pump pump. Try express feeding. You need to pump a few times to get it going and the it flows but
Yanbu to just stop and ff.
Do what makes you happy and enjoy your child.

I BF just once day, sometimes I don't BF for 2 or 3 days - LO is 8 weeks and my milk shows no signs of drying up! We have had a lot of trouble, I don't like BF either, he really hated it to begin with etc...it's been a rocky road.

If you want to top-up with formula, do it! Trust your gut instinct, the most important thing is that baby is getting fed, it doesn't matter whether it is formula or breast milk.

You have done what you can, there is no shame in using formula

The point is there are other things she can try so it is not our place to say 'you have done what you can'.

Other people have mentioned NCT or bf consultants, it honestly isn't in their remit to 'tell you off' and if you decide to switch to FF they'll even give advice on how to.

IME when you feel the need to ask for permission it means you aren't quite ready to make the decision.

Yes, do get in touch with La Leche League or NCT. They really will be nice to you and help with your latch!

I didn't much like bf either. I used to take it one day at a time and tell myself each day that I could choose to stop if I wanted to - I generally felt I could do another day, and somehow reminding myself that I had a choice really helped. (I bf exclusively for 5.5 months; did mixed feeding for a further 6 months in the end)

i was crap at pumping - just didn't have that sort of milk flow. I persevered because I had a childminder and wanted to send dd1 with breastmilk but it was miserable. When I had my second dc, I decided not to pump ever - great decision!

So I would say a) ring your local breastfeeding group and ask for some help b) drop the pumping c) take it one day at a time.

YANBU. Please ignore anyone who tries to judge you. It's entirely your decision.

You are not being selfish OP take no notice of the BF evangelicals you must do what you feel is best for you and baby. I BF for about 4 months but gave both DCs a formula feed in the evening from about 4 weeks. My HV was sceptical but it gave me a break in the evenings when my milk was low and meant DH could take over. I also got great satisfaction from seeing what my baby actually drank.

I loathed it,only managed 6 weeks mixed feeding each time.I think women should be able to express their loathing or difficulties freely so good on you for being so open. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.Tis your baby,your body and your family, do what suits you and feels right.

Sorry it's a cryptic reply, ironically I'm feeding dd :)
I have left a message to my hv . I also Sent an online form to LLLGB. until I get a reply and until I am sure she gets enough from me I am offering a top up after she point blank won't have any more breast. So far she has around 30 min feeds plus 3-4 oz of formula after each feed. Still feeds at the same intervals so far but seems happier and we've even had a nappy change without wailing which is very rare :)
Now I know that has little to do with me giving her formula but more with the fact that I'm much happier knowing she's well fed and there is food available for her until she decides she has had enough

Congratulations. And YADNBU.

It can be hard. I think there's loads of good advice on here. But ultimately there is no wrong answer.

If it helps put it in perspective I can tell you about my first DS. He lost 10% of his birthweight and rallied enough for us not to go back into hospital. Unfortunately the early obsession with his weight with the HV and midwife and my difficulty BF meant I spent a year tracking him up and down the charts. I did exclusively BF and got help from a BF councillor. I hated it for four months. It was brill though there on in. But that's neither here nor there for you. It is your decision.

He's 10 now and here's what I know with the benefit of hindsight. He's an ectomorph body type. He's tall, lean limbed and still finds it hard to put on weight. The food he eats is immediately used as energy and his bloody sugar crashes - he still needs to eat every 2 hours and he gets grumpy if he doesn't. My other boys aren't like this. It was the same as a baby and the evening cluster feeds made me weep as there wasn't even time to eat myself. It was a really hard time. The other thing I wish I'd known was that the charts aren't linear. Our 4 DSs have wafted and plunged up and down them over the years depending on their growth pattern. Oh and btw, as long as your child is on the chart it is normal, it's those off the chart that aren't.

At the end of the day you make the decision that's right for you and DD. and feck the rest of them

also at 6 weeks a lot of babies do drastically cut their feed times

if you want to ff, do so
buy some formula, get dp to help with feeds
get yourself some kip and a glass of wine

I mix fed my daughter from 6 weeks started on one bottle a day then progressed to 2, then when she weaned and went onto cows milk in a cup she stopped breastfeeding at 11.5 months. My supply never suffered for the mix feeding-in my opinion if it's a supply and demand thing if you do the same feeds with a bottle every day then you'll still make the milk you make for the rest of the feeds.

I love breastfeeding but it's intense and tough, as a general rule it appears to me that FF babies get into a routine quicker and seem more content between feeds. Everyone tells you to feed on demand but they don't tell you that this can mean every blinking 45 minutes in the early days and it takes 45 minutes to feed. You might be lucky enough to eat, wee or bathe in between times but the rest is sat on your arse with baby attached to you. It can be boring, frustrating, painful and emotional. I am feeding 5 month old DS now and he's a bottle refuser, it's made it much harder on me not having that break brought about by mix feeding.

Also i think your rest, recovery, diet and hydration has a much bigger impact than people imagine-things got a lot better when I made sure I drank lots and lots and LOTS and took a supplement-fenugreek capsules helped increase my supply alongside a multivitamin, iron and calcium. If you lost blood at the birth you may well still be showing a low iron count-I don't know what the medical profession say but i'm sure that has an impact.

If you want to give up breastfeeding then do so, without guilt or shame, you make the best decision for you and baby. If you want to carry on then do trust that it will come, but you have to look after yourself and give it time. My first midwife said to me it's a very much like being a cow in a field, cows move slowly, eat almost constantly and just be, I think new mums trying to establish breastfeeding need to do the same, take life quietly and slowly for a bit. Let everything else to go hell in a handbasket if needs be-time enough for tidying, socialising once it's in pace and it's easier.

If I were you, I wouldn't stop until 9 weeks had passed. The first two months were the hardest here for breastfeeding. And have lots of skin to skin contact. But you shouldn't feel bad if you decide to stop, not at all x

Firstly congratulations! you have made a whole new life, aren't you clever!

Secondly don't worry about knowinghow your boobs work, they have that covered. just drink water water water!

I'm so sorry your hcp's have been unhelpful, my experience with mine has convinced me to train as a breastfeeding peer support worker!

A note on weight, my dd was on the 2 lowest centiles from the start, they had me in floods of tears until i stopped letting them weigh her. She is now 5 months and has not only dropped off the chart but right off the page! She is however bright eyed and bushy tailed and not having weighed her they all comment on how well shes doing.

The first 6-8 weeks is a slog, you're doing great, i know it's hard especially in the eve but it will settle down soon. Every breastfeeding mother worries they are not making enough milk and the fact that baby wants to suck all the time reinforces this but in fact much of the tiem they are getting little if any milk and are sucking for reassurance. try latching them off nad letting them suck your finger and you'll see if this is the case.

really please call le leche leauge. you need loving support and encouragement,a few nice words from you partner / mother / friend / anyone really can be the differnce.

When i was going throught this bit i kept telling myself one day i'm going to be the least interesting thing in the world to her but right now i am her entire universe i will try and appreciate it while it's here!

look for a breastfeeding support group in your area mine has been incredible and i'm now firm friends with lots of the women.

lastly, don't beat yourself if you give them a spot of formula or stop bf altogether. you've already done great!

YANBU. Sounds like mixed feeding is working well for you now.

don't know about anyone else but i found LLL terrifyingly evangelical and critical of "failure".
they probably did more to put me off Bf to be honest