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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if DH really loved me he would want another baby ...?

380 replies

WantsAnotherOne · 19/06/2012 16:55

Have N/C but suspect some of you might recognise me....i just don't want anyone from rl to

i know i am definitely probably being irrational and U

please wise MNers talk some sense into me...

i really want another DC. we have 2 already, aged 6 and 3. eldest DC is from my previous relationship.

i am 32 and DH is 40 but he just doesn't seem keen atm. saying things like we can't afford it at the moment, the kids are getting easier now they are older, we won't be able to do much without the dc as babysitting will become harder, there will be less room at home, we won't be able to afford to go on holiday (either with or without dcs) etc etc. he says he loves having time with just me and it will become so much harder if we had another one.

i do agree with his reasons to some extent but none of them are insurmountable. yes things would be harder but surely it would be worth it? they just all seem like excuses to me. we earn decent-ish money IMO. dh is on about 25k and i work part time earning about 5k a year and our housing costs are quite minimal.

i am a romantic though and can't help thinking that if he really loved me he would want to have another baby with me. it would be amazing for the dc to have another brother or sister, 3 has always been my "perfect number" of dc.
i also would like the experience of "trying" for a baby with someone i love as both dc were unplanned (although much wanted of course) and that makes me sad.

the 3 years since DH and I have had our youngest have been so happy and its been blissful raising her with the man i love as i never had that with my first dc as i wasn't with his dad. i am baby mad at the moment and incredibly broody :(

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/06/2012 16:57

YABU....sorry!!

I have one DS, desperately wanted another...DH didnt want anymore. Nothing to do with not loving me, he just didnt want to go through the baby stage again - we struggled to stay together and I think he thought a baby would finish us off.

sadly, on the subject of more kids, there is no compromise, no meeting half way!! Where would it end though if you did have another?? WOuld you go baby mad and want another and another...maybe just enjoy the ones you have for now and rethink in a few years.

Good luck and I know how you feel.

rhondajean · 19/06/2012 17:00

My oldest is 12 and you have no idea how much more expensive it's got in the last year or so...

I hate to post and run but I must make dinner, I'd say, don't end up viewing it as an emotional blackmail type situation, but if you really really want one, keep talking to him, ask if he sees it happening in the future, etc.

I can't have another one and I'm certain we can't afford it but it doesn't change the broodiness!

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 19/06/2012 17:00

Oh bless you, it is so hard when inside you are yearning so much for something.

The reasons may not be unsurmountable but in this situation it isn't ever a win win, either you have a baby and disregard his wishes, or you don't have a baby and disregard yours.

I have just very recently got my head round not having number 3 (or 4 Grin) by realising I will always want just one more. I totally love babies, up to about 18 months old I would love to constantly have that in my life. Don't get me wrong I am so enjoying the stages my boys are currently at as well, but they are no longer scratching the "baby" itch.

YANBU to feel the way you do, but neither is he.. sorry..

Teeb · 19/06/2012 17:00

YABU, and it seems a bit like emotional blackmail to be honest saying 'if he really loved me he would want another baby.'

AKE2012 · 19/06/2012 17:02

You are definately being irrational.

Those reasons he said seems very reasonable and maybe he is happy with just two children and he feels like now ur children are growing up that u and him can have couple time. He sounds like he loves you very much.

What happens if u have another and then a few years down the line u want another and then another.

I think u should realise that u have two children and a partner who loves u and be happy with what u have.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 19/06/2012 17:03

just to add, it is me insisting in our relationship now that he has the snip.. I do not want an accident for him to have a paddy about and for me to face a husband or baby decision.

everlong · 19/06/2012 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notnanny · 19/06/2012 17:03

Of course you should have another baby. To deny it in what is a small family so far, in a loving relationship, is madness. Tell him to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask himself how he would feel if something happened to one of them and he had denied you a third?

tabulahrasa · 19/06/2012 17:03

If you really loved him you'd not want a baby so that you would have
more time to spend together...

Callisto · 19/06/2012 17:05

If my husband said to me 'if you really loved me you would have another baby for me' I would view it as emotional blackmail plain and simple. YABVVU to even think this.

Callisto · 19/06/2012 17:06

Wow, notnanny - taking emotional blackmail to a whole new level there.

Dprince · 19/06/2012 17:06

notnanny I assume you are taking the piss.
OP yabu and unfair. You are blackmailing him. How would you feel if he said if you loved him, you accept he doesn't want anymore.

applepieinthesky · 19/06/2012 17:07

Are you being serious notnanny? Hmm

AnyFucker · 19/06/2012 17:09

yabvvvu

You know you are employing emotional blackmail, don't you ?

"If you loved me you would....."

Not acceptable, sorry

GrahamTribe · 19/06/2012 17:11

YABVU. It's not just emotional blackmail, it sounds petulant and childish too. tbh.

Original poster
WantsAnotherOne · 19/06/2012 17:12

i should have said, i Have Not said those words to him

and i never would

(ie, if you loved me..you would....)

its just a little voice in my mind that tells me if he loved me enough, he would :(

OP posts:
Dprince · 19/06/2012 17:14

Notnanny can't be serious. I can't imagine anyone employing the heir and a spare rule. Subsequent children are not created just in case 'something happens' to the pfb.

everlong · 19/06/2012 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrahamTribe · 19/06/2012 17:16

I want a Ferrari. That DH might have to sell the house or cash in all his shares to provide it, that this would severely and adversely affect the life we and the DC have is unimportant, because if he loved me enough he'd buy it for me.

notnanny · 19/06/2012 17:18

It's not emotional blackmail, it's reality. You can bet your bottom dollar though, if he thought it through he would 'let' her have another child.

I'm on your side OP, it appears I'm the only one though!

Since when did men choose when women should and shouldn't have a baby?

ZebraLeg · 19/06/2012 17:18

I don't want any more DC with DH, two is enough for me. But it doesn't mean I don't love him Confused

izzyizin · 19/06/2012 17:19

Odd logic notnanny. You recommend churning out dc as insurance policies in the event of untimely death?

What if something happens to the OP and her dh is left to raise the dc alone? What if her dh keels over prematurely?

Should his valid reasons for not wishing to increase their family, the loving relationship the OP currently enjoys with her dh may not be quite so loving if another dc comes into their 'small family unit'.

izzyizin · 19/06/2012 17:20

Should his valid reasons for not wishing to increase their family be ignored or dismissed

Dprince · 19/06/2012 17:20

I would imagine the OP wants her dh to be the father, so his consent is wondered.

NeedlesCuties · 19/06/2012 17:20

YABU.

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