Guests bedrooms, beds and children

[Mosman]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU i'm a little stressed so my judgement is a bit blurred.
Jist is against my better judgement MIL is coming with us for 6 months when we emigrate to Perth some may remember the real dilemma about taking her in the first place but she's coming to try it out and help us settle in - god help me.
So there is an minor issue being blown out of all proportion IMO about beds and bedrooms.
When we first arrive we need to keep our costs down, DH doesn't have a job yet so I want to rent a 2/3 bedroomed place, DH and I will camp on the sofa bed, the baby will sleep with us and as we get our stuff over the children, 3 girls need a room for their beds and toys etc.
Grandma (MIL) thinks she should have a room to herself and we should buy her a bed as soon as we get there as she has arthritis and a whole catalogue of various other problems. The kids would be expected to sleep on blow up mattresses.
She also isn't happy that the baby will wake in the night - well who is and thinks we should get a bigger place so that less people are disturbed i.e. her. Nevermind that I have to work to support us all on this magical mystery tour.
She isn't planning to contribute towards the rent, will buy her own food as she has two big bills coming up - not sure how she would have handled those big bills if she was staying at home but she is basically pleading poverty.
Nobody made her come with us, at first she didn't want to because she would loose out financially but it seems that WE can loose out and that's just fine.
I am getting more and more aggregated about the whole situation and we aren't even on a plane yet.
Am I being a cow ? It's only for 6 months I guess.

I presume you are aware that Australian immigration rules allow leeway for an elderly, dependent relative to me allowed to migrate to join their family who have been granted permanent residence in the country?

Do you really think she'll just hop on a plane back to the UK after 6 months ?

Relative to be allowed...

Freudian slip - wish I was emigrating to Oz!

Re the beds: we're in Perth, and my 46 year old bones were fine for several weeks on a blow up mattress. (Tip: if you can't find a pump, try Toys R Us). However I can understand that it's not ideal for an old lady, and probably too low too. There's an IKEA in Perth, and their cheapest bed and mattress combo would be a couple of hundred bucks. There's a shop called Fantastic Furniture which is even cheaper, and you could also try Gumtree. Point her to KMart, BigW, Target for bedding.

Re MIL being PITA: no useful suggestions other than to say that you can get very drinkable bottles of wine for less than $5 if you go to Dan Murphy........

(Don't let her near the heating/air con controls, as electricity is really expensive. Tell her to add/lose clothes unless it's really cold/hot.)

I don't think so Natasha, but I only had a quick check of that before posting. Still might be worth OP looking into that and finding out where they stand as it strikes me that is what MIL is angling for.

I remember the other threads.

FWIW I do think that an old lady with arthritis needs both her own room and a bed. Why can't the children share? And how much does a bed cost anyway?

You certainly shouldn't fork out for the rent for an extra bedroom unless she contributes the extra rent herself (which you've said she won't) - and it's fair enough to say "this is the size of home we can afford, and there is no guest bedroom, if you really feel you need more space then I'm afraid you'll need to make up the difference"

However, there is no need to make her sleep on an inflatable matress for more than a night or two - you can kit a room out with appropriate (possibly bunk) beds from ikea and have them delivered within a couple of days. If you then have no further need for a guest bed you should be able to sell it on for a reasonable proportion of its value as nearly-new second-hand.

A woman of her age shouldn't sleep on an air bed, but the children could

I'm sure it is what she's angling for but it won't happen the Aussies wont have her she hasnt enough money to buy a visa, is too ill with variuous heart conditions and has other children in the uk. Not a chance in hell of her getting in.

She is not going to stop being manipulative when she gets there.
She is calculating that the authorities will not force an infirm old lady onto a plane for a 24 hour flight, when she has a family in Perth willing able to provide free accommodation and pay her medical bills. And she's probably right.

But your DH said he will sort it. Does he know how much an ambulance flight from Oz to the UK will cost?

The insurance will cover anything like that surely she has private health insurance not travel insurance. The thing is if she wants to spend her trip to perth admiring the view from the local hospital that's her call, she might even get her own bed and room too.
Believe me DH is hanging by a thread in my mind too so they can both bloody get on with it if they want to play that game. And it's my name the visa is in.

The other point is that she has a flat full of belongings in the uk. She's just shutting the door as if she's going on holiday for 6 months so I can't believe she would just abandon everything to stay on on Perth because she would have no guarantee's of bro h allowed.

Being allowed that should say.

Don't you have to be resident for 2 years before you can apply for PR?

On another tack, though MIL has insurance, surely all pre-existing conditions aren't covered. Or are they? Does the insurance cover ambulances - you have to pay extra for that here.

How about an anonymous tip-off to Australian immigration - MIL is a wanted bankrobber, an international con artist, wanted for handling stolen pombears and fruitshoot or whatever.

You'd better check that insurance VERY carefully. It sounds like a hell of a risk for them to take on with an elderly woman - they aren't that generous.

For a start they don't cover pre-existing conditions so anything related in any way to her arthritis will be excluded.

I don't understand why you have allowed her to join you when moving. This will be an incredubly stressful 6 months and you have chosen to make it more so by inviting along (or not saying "no" repeatedly and firmly) a relative you aren't keen on for a whole 6 months.
You can't stop her travelling to Oz but you could have refused to put her up and told her if she wanted to visit you she'd need to wait until you are established and then said 2 months max.

My Mom tried to go on holiday to the USA with my sisters family and my family, she got a passport ready and tried to convince us she was fit to go. I told her straight, 'Mom, you are not going with us, it will kill you!' I had a four yr old and 8 yr old to look after I couldn't push her around in a wheelchair if she couldn't walk. She had heart problems, diabetes, ulcerated legs etc. She was about the same age as your MIL. Now shes gone, I really regret saying no to her and found her pristine passport in her belongings after she died. ~But it was also a connecting flight and even i was knackered trying to run to the gates, she would never have made it and she didn't like flying, so the worry of her on the plane too would have stressed me out. I really feel for you, it is difficult for you to get your point across without sounding harsh. ~but I did it, it was the right decision, even though I feel sad about it now.

If I was in your position I would say that DH can go to Oz with his mother, and you will follow with the DC in six months when she returns home. That will solve the accommodation problem at a stroke.

I don't see why someone crying means you change your mind. Some people are stoical, some cry at the drop of a hat. Why does a cryer get their own way?
If she has paid for flights and insurance she could pay for accomodation and change the return flight to a shorter time.

This sounds like it's going to be a total nightmare, but it sounds too late to change it. You've made your bed, you'll have to lie in it.

You CANNOT expect a 75 year old to sleep on an air mattress for 3 months, I struggle sleeping on them for more than a couple of nights. kids sleeping on them is a whole different matter, not ideal, but doable.

To be fair, she is 75 years old, has arthritis, and getting up and down from the floor may be painful and difficult.
Maybe look into renting beds instead?

I don't envy you. A baby, 3 kids, a 75 yr old and dh, all crammed into a 2-3 bedroom apt in Perth? I'd go nuts, seriously. I need my space, I need my sleep and I hate hot weather.

I'll get her a bed. I've also asked her to come over today with her insurance documents and an idea as to exactly what she will be contributing to the house hold budget because at the end if the day she wouldn't be living bill free at home so I don't see why she should with us.

5 bedrooms in Perth is going to be brutal, all of the mining money is sloshing around WA at the moment and stuff is expensive.

This will not go well, we said on the other thread it won't go well.

Do at least one of you have a job to come to? You are going to need a terrifying large wodge of savings to do this if not.

That's a good start Mosman.
If you go ahead with this after all, I do sincerely wish you the best of luck.
You and your marriage are going to need lots of it.