Guests bedrooms, beds and children

[Mosman]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU i'm a little stressed so my judgement is a bit blurred.
Jist is against my better judgement MIL is coming with us for 6 months when we emigrate to Perth some may remember the real dilemma about taking her in the first place but she's coming to try it out and help us settle in - god help me.
So there is an minor issue being blown out of all proportion IMO about beds and bedrooms.
When we first arrive we need to keep our costs down, DH doesn't have a job yet so I want to rent a 2/3 bedroomed place, DH and I will camp on the sofa bed, the baby will sleep with us and as we get our stuff over the children, 3 girls need a room for their beds and toys etc.
Grandma (MIL) thinks she should have a room to herself and we should buy her a bed as soon as we get there as she has arthritis and a whole catalogue of various other problems. The kids would be expected to sleep on blow up mattresses.
She also isn't happy that the baby will wake in the night - well who is and thinks we should get a bigger place so that less people are disturbed i.e. her. Nevermind that I have to work to support us all on this magical mystery tour.
She isn't planning to contribute towards the rent, will buy her own food as she has two big bills coming up - not sure how she would have handled those big bills if she was staying at home but she is basically pleading poverty.
Nobody made her come with us, at first she didn't want to because she would loose out financially but it seems that WE can loose out and that's just fine.
I am getting more and more aggregated about the whole situation and we aren't even on a plane yet.
Am I being a cow ? It's only for 6 months I guess.

Definitely a good idea to set the rules about who will be paying for what in advance.

I have a good job, I know how much rentals are and that is factored into the decision about going, I will be in a mining related role so I hope there is lots of money sloshing around out there.
The bottom line is we are going so that her son can find a job, he hasn't had much luck in the UK.
I've given up a very good job here to go and do something I won't enjoy as much, taken my daughters out of grammar schools into the unknown. I'll probably have a court order slapped on me by my ex husband for access to my eldest having avoided that shower of shite for the past 12 years.
All in all it's like a pressure cooker waiting to boil over.
So her whining about a fcuking bed was just the last straw yesterday.
I feel a lot calmer today.

Although having read your first few posts on the original thread, it seems like she wasn't that keen to go as she'd lose part of her pension and you were offering to pay all her bills and food to make up for it. You can't change the goalposts now that it's all booked!!!

Yes but she isn't loosing a penny now, she keeps everything, over £1000 a month.

Boot on the other foot, if it had been YOUR mum and you suggested it to HIM would he have been as understanding.

Good luck, your're going to need it and report back to us in 3 months and tell us how it's all going

6 months is a very very very long time. Mine stayed over from nz for 3 months in a big house and I ended up ill . You have to stay no. You will have enough to worry about. She should join you when you are more settled.

My mum would never put us in this position, but yes take your point. Equally my mum has friends and a life in the UK that she wouldn't want to leave which is the main difference.

Lets be honest though hambo, if we go I will breath a sigh of relief and never see her again
I think I have to get it over with it.

You're removing a child from the uk whose father will still reside here? Has he consented?

As for your mil, why start another thread when you ignored what e wry one said in the last one?

i would let her have her own room so she has somewhere to keep out of the way and cant complain the kids and their stuff are in her way.
as far as beds go, either she buys her own or ypu buy one for one of the girls that she can use while shes there. ime you'll probably need a new materess after 6 months though. my mum wrecked dds after 3 months.
if she comments on the baby crying, book her a ticket home :)

Yeah, you might want to check that about your Ex. If he does get a court order you would be up shit creek.

No the father is Australian never showed any interest up until now but no doubt will pop up at some point when we arrive down under.

This just sounds beyond stressful. My brother and SIL emigrated to oz six years ago, before they had children, both with good jobs to go to which significantly increased their finances, to friends waiting for them, and her parents emigrated too (to live in their own house). Going outweighed staying in every respect and they still found it incredibly stressful and at times desperately missed the uk.

This just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Because chub I want a moan.

You said MIL has health insurance not travel insurance. I think you should phone the insurer and ask if they will cover what she's going to do.
I have health insurance but it doesn't cover me abroad. For that I need travel insurance.

I'm going to check that out today, it is a concern.
I did a quote last night for what I know she has as pre existing conditions and the price was double what she says she has paid.

True! I wish you all the best !

Insurers will do anything to avoid paying out. A relative of mine tripped over a kerb in Spain and broke a hip. Cost a fortune to get her home. Insurers wouldn't pay a penny because GP's records said she had osteoporosis.

I can believe it.
At the end of the day it won't be me paying, it won't be Dh because we haven't got it so what can they do. I'm sure she can set up a payment plan with the hospital if she ends up in that position, it isn't my problem is it.

If she turns on the tears again it will be. If you can't say no now, how on earth are you going to say no if she's in hospital needing treatment and can't pay?!

That'll be fairly simple we can't pay for it, they won't leave her on the road side they will treat her and then sort the bill out with her later if the insurance doesn't cover it but for £800 it really ought to

Private health insurance won't cover her to travel. This whole thing seems completely arse backwards. Your real problem is your husband who expects you to deal with his mother.

I think that's being unduly optimistic. The insurers will be glad to take the £800 but they will have plenty of excuses when it comes to paying.

No point in speculating until I've seen the documents but yes I agree.
Husband is on his final chance so if anything you'd think he would want as little additional pressure as possible but it'll be on his head if it all goes pear shaped.

You have to remember when agreeing who will pay for what that she will still pretty much have the same fixed outgoings as she did in the uk to keep her house as she will need it to go back to. So still the same standing charges etc, her outgoings will only be reduced by the electricity/gas she is not using, plus she now has the additional cost of expat health insurance. You need to find a fair split. If it was my mum and she was doing free childcare for us and hadn't been overly keen on coming over in the first place I quite honestly wouldn't be asking her to pay a penny of contribution.