Guests bedrooms, beds and children

[Mosman]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU i'm a little stressed so my judgement is a bit blurred.
Jist is against my better judgement MIL is coming with us for 6 months when we emigrate to Perth some may remember the real dilemma about taking her in the first place but she's coming to try it out and help us settle in - god help me.
So there is an minor issue being blown out of all proportion IMO about beds and bedrooms.
When we first arrive we need to keep our costs down, DH doesn't have a job yet so I want to rent a 2/3 bedroomed place, DH and I will camp on the sofa bed, the baby will sleep with us and as we get our stuff over the children, 3 girls need a room for their beds and toys etc.
Grandma (MIL) thinks she should have a room to herself and we should buy her a bed as soon as we get there as she has arthritis and a whole catalogue of various other problems. The kids would be expected to sleep on blow up mattresses.
She also isn't happy that the baby will wake in the night - well who is and thinks we should get a bigger place so that less people are disturbed i.e. her. Nevermind that I have to work to support us all on this magical mystery tour.
She isn't planning to contribute towards the rent, will buy her own food as she has two big bills coming up - not sure how she would have handled those big bills if she was staying at home but she is basically pleading poverty.
Nobody made her come with us, at first she didn't want to because she would loose out financially but it seems that WE can loose out and that's just fine.
I am getting more and more aggregated about the whole situation and we aren't even on a plane yet.
Am I being a cow ? It's only for 6 months I guess.

Don't know why people are saying 6 weeks would be too much. I think 6 days sounds about 5 too long to me...

I think whether she is comfortable on a air bed or not is a bit of a red herring. The point is that she is making extra, not cheap demands. If I was going in that situation then I wouldn't be saying that I couldn't sleep on a air bed-sort it out. I'd be saying, is there any way we can sort it out/can I pay for a bed that would become your dd's when I went etc.

I think you stick with this is the situation. If you can't cope then we'll try and change your ticket for a later date.

You are crazy to do this. It will end in tears. Many, many tears.

A 75 year old shouldn't sleep on the floor on an air mattress, sorry. However, you did this thread a while ago and everyone told you not to take you MIL. You have decided to anyway so she has you over a barrel.

Pay her bills and leave her in uk

Your situation sounds like a nightmare. I spent several years living in Oz and had many visitors for up to 3 weeks. Even with parents and in-laws (we all get on well) we were always happy to see them go!

There are shops that do discount bed packages eg. Metal bed frame, matress, duvet, pillow and bed linen for very reasonable prices as I bought one when I first arrived only intending to stay a year or two. They were even cheaper than ikea! Quality not great but short term does the job and a single could then be used by one of the kids.

From what I remember of the visitors visa you have to pay for all doctors appointments as well as prescriptions. Could she see her GP here and explain the situation and take enough of her regular meds for her time over there?

Has she ever done a long haul flight before? If she goes out with all of you and realizes just how far it is will you ever get her back on the plane alone after 6 months without one of you being guilted into escorting her home?

sounds like a nighmare!
Will she trot off to her room if you need the living room to have an early night (what with moving and baby and working)?

you and your DH will have NO SANCTUARY if you sleep in the living room! IMO since she is not contributing she should sleep in the living room and you and DH and baby should have the 2nd room because you NEED it!

I mean the rest of you are going to be living 3 to a room, or in the case of you and DH, SEVEN to a room as everyone will be using your bedroom as it'll be the living room too

so even if she gets the living room, she still has the better deal as she's not sharing

Instead of air mattresses for the kids you can get chunks of firm foam cut to size to suit as I know several backpackers who have done this when staying somewhere for a few months as they are very very cheap.

And won't burst when they jump on them

Everyone has already told you what a crap idea it is on the other thread

Have you seen her insurance documents? Has she seen that she'll have to pay for meds?

It's a stupid, stupid idea to take her - which you've been told repeatedly - why are you?

This is very much on my mind the fact that she considers herself too good to sleep on a mattress on the floor but it's a perfectly acceptable solution for my DC's.

Um. Because she's 75?

You cannot expect an elderly lady with arthritis to sleep on the floor on a blow up bed.It will-literally-cripple her.She should either be preapared to buy her own bed or stay at home if you wont buy a single bed for her.
Please dont take her assuming she will be ok on an air bed-regardless of any other problems with the relationship.

OP, why does she actually want to go with you?

I woukdn't be happy about her having a room if she's not paying any rent or bills.

She wants to come because rightly thinks out of sight, out of mind I guess.
If all works out I don't intend coming back to the UK, i'd rather send family the airfare to come and see us.

I know I know I know, you are preaching to the choir I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation which so far I like the idea of giving her the sofa bed in the living which is surely preferable to a blow up mattress.
And gives up a sanctuary to hide in.

Check the insurance! Change her ticket, it doesn't matter what stink she kicks up, she could screw everything up for you all.

6m is an eternity. You can't do this, it could cost you your relationship. Seriously.

Put your foot down, bugger the consequences with MIL, put your family/future in 1st priority for the first 6m.

OP - in each thread, you act like this is something that's just happening, your MIL dictates the terms, and it's horrible, but you have no choice to go along with it because otherwise she'll cry. Really, that's it, you are making your life and your DCs new lives difficult because you don't want to make a manipulative woman cry, who wan't a good mother to her DS.

why not just say no? She'll kick up a fuss now , but then you'll leave.

Also, I really think it would be better once you are there and settled, you will at least have the time to entertain her, rather than trying to get used to a new job, get all the new country admin, trying to build a new friendship network while at the same time sharing your space with this woman.

I actually feel sick OP, I actually can't watch this car crash unfold.

It can't be allowed to happen.

You need to sit MIL down and say the following:

We can only afford to pay $X for a property for perhaps the first 6m, maybe longer. It will mean that EVERYONE in our immediate family is already cramped. It IS unreasonable for ANYONE of any age to be sleeping on a blow up bed for anything longer than a night or 2.

We would NEVER expect you to sleep on a blow up bed, and we can't consider doing it to our DC either.

We DO NOT have the funds to finance ourselves AND you in a property big enough to have everyone in their own rooms which would be realistically required to make the situation even remotely bearable.

For this reason, for the sake of £75 it is better if your flight is delayed by a couple of months, so that we don't have you on a blow up bed, and can receive you properly.

We've looked at this every way we can think of, and it's just not reasonable for anyone, any way we try to work it currently. We've decided to delay your trip for your own comfort.

then all you have to do is to say, to every wriggle and excuse 'That doesn't work for us' and repeat.

She's spent £800 on insurance, £2000 on a flight if I had the money to give her back then I would but I do feel somewhat stuck with the situation.
DH and I have talked about it this evening, he feels we should push the budget to a 5 bedroomed place for the first 6 months so we don't go stir crazy then we can move somewhere affordable once we've settled and so we can save for a deposit to buy somewhere.
He also thinks she will hate the weather, hate the flight, hate the kids and we'll never have to go through all this again but his conscious is clear.

Listen to the happyhissy. Clearly there's another thread I've missed about why she is even coming with you.

I think unless you've had somebody sat in front of you in tears it's really hard to see my position.
I'm not a wuss, I have a good job, 4 kids and run a tight ship at home but honestly it's not as easy as you think.

surely a 5 bed place for 6 months will work out costing your more than £2800?
how can you stretch to that but you can't pay her off?

Surely the money you will save on a 2/3 bed place vs a 5 bed place for 6 months will Allow you to pay the £2k for her ticket? Sounds like a wise investment to me.