Guests bedrooms, beds and children

[Mosman]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU i'm a little stressed so my judgement is a bit blurred.
Jist is against my better judgement MIL is coming with us for 6 months when we emigrate to Perth some may remember the real dilemma about taking her in the first place but she's coming to try it out and help us settle in - god help me.
So there is an minor issue being blown out of all proportion IMO about beds and bedrooms.
When we first arrive we need to keep our costs down, DH doesn't have a job yet so I want to rent a 2/3 bedroomed place, DH and I will camp on the sofa bed, the baby will sleep with us and as we get our stuff over the children, 3 girls need a room for their beds and toys etc.
Grandma (MIL) thinks she should have a room to herself and we should buy her a bed as soon as we get there as she has arthritis and a whole catalogue of various other problems. The kids would be expected to sleep on blow up mattresses.
She also isn't happy that the baby will wake in the night - well who is and thinks we should get a bigger place so that less people are disturbed i.e. her. Nevermind that I have to work to support us all on this magical mystery tour.
She isn't planning to contribute towards the rent, will buy her own food as she has two big bills coming up - not sure how she would have handled those big bills if she was staying at home but she is basically pleading poverty.
Nobody made her come with us, at first she didn't want to because she would loose out financially but it seems that WE can loose out and that's just fine.
I am getting more and more aggregated about the whole situation and we aren't even on a plane yet.
Am I being a cow ? It's only for 6 months I guess.

OP if she's bringing out the tears NOW do you really think it'll stop when she's there?

it wont!

it'll be worse!

Because i'd need to write a cheque for £2800 now, I can't do that but i'll be earning more money in oz and it'll be over a 6 month period too.

You'll be lucky to get a six-month let. Most landlords want a year.

Thats a good point E

so landlords of 5 bed houses wont be wanting hefty deposits now either then?

ah whats the point!

anyone else think that the OP is slightly LIKING the drama since she is determined to let it continue/get worse?

MM there's fuck all I can do about it

I've just said to DH I feel like writing her a cheque and telling her to do one, he laughed.

oh yes it is hilarious how you are adding a huge strain onto your family when they are already doing one of the most stressful things you can do bar die!

Sorry, have not read this, but why on earth are you taking a sick old lady to the other side of the world. I could understand if she was going to be of some help to you, but it sounds like the complete opposite.

What will happen to her if she gets ill - does she have medical insurance or will you as sole breadwinner be footing her medical bills (don't know how this works in Oz).

Mosman, I haven't read the other thread, but surely you can refuse? Yo wouldn't have to write her a cheque now - her money is sunk in the ticket and it makes no difference when she's compensated for it. She could probably even get a partial refund.

"MM there's fuck all I can do about it"
there would be if you really wanted to

like
"we've crunched the numbers, we just cannot afford a place that will accomodate you and us comfortably. We did try. We are uprooting our children to the other side of the world and we have to put them first and I'm sorry but we can only afford a home for the 5 of us, and even at that it'll be a squeeze. They will have enough upheaval as it is without having a comfortable home to settle in to"
and repeat if necessary

that's it, she cannot force her way into your home there without your permission! you are choosing this horrible tense situation for your children to move to when they are already doing the most stressful thing there is to do other than loose a close family member!

Bottom line is DH doesn't see the problem, says we'll tackle any problems as they occur and that's that, I sound like a cow if I try and say anything.

and not sounding like a cow is obviously more important to you than your children walking on eggshells for the first 6 months of their relocation?

kids pick up on tensions at home BIG TIME - it stresses them out!

Sorry to bring the tone down, but am I the only one to chuckle at OP becoming more and more aggregated?!

I haven't read the other thread.

Do you all hate your MiL as much as it sounds here? Why does she want to come?

Lol bloody predictive text

Op u said it costs £75 to change/cancel the ticket so doesn't that mean you only need to pay her £875?????

She sounds like my mother and I gathered the courage to tell her to back off it too me a year to hear the end of it (nearly) and she blames DH for corrupting me (he didn't) and still won't talk to him but generally we've been happier since

No £75 is to alter the ticket, if she cancels she looses the lot which I know is true because we are flying with the same airline under the same conditions.
Truth is she may still have one of her turns expecting DH to cancel the whole bloody thing and sit by her bedside there's a good 10 days to go

He can share the front room with her then.

If you make things too comfortable, she will come out for 6 months every year. You will spend half your life with her in your house.

Non - sequiter there sorry , that was meant as a response to him finding it hilarious. If she refuses to go, problem solved.

I am sure she would like nothing more than to share just with DH and those pesky kids and I to disappear into a puff of smoke.

I've said to him, she goes home if she starts getting demanding etc and he agreed the trouble is I do sound like such a twat when I say it out loud, it's things like when DH walks in she'll demand he tells her all about his day when I want to rant about mine first iyswim, he is MY husband. I do know how ridiculous that sounds but it gets right up my nose.
That and wanting be basically treated like our 5th child, like our responsibility for her comfort and well being, it annoys me.

In your other thread it seems like you wanted her to come because you needed her help to look after the kids when they get in from school. If so, then she will be saving you plenty of money and hassle in the first few months. Did you or your husband ask her to come? Perhaps you can use some of the money you are 'saving' from the free childcare for extra beds/mattresses for the kids. I would think it mean to make her sleep on a blow up bed or for her not to have her own room. Even ifshe was the best granny in the world she would want to escape from the kids from time to time.

This situation is a destined to fail and is not fair on you, your husband or your MIL.
I think you should be annoyed at your husband rather than your MIL, I imagine she has always been difficult and by inviting her or letting her come with you your husband has created a no win situation. It's unfair on your MIL to let her come without letting her know how you feel.

As for your suggestion that you go out without her at the weekends - I think that could also be very hard on her. I guess she won't have a car and may feel very left out if you all disappear off out.
So yes I do think YABU
(although she does sound AGGGHHHH!)

I suppose that's another nerve hit though Park, that she will be collecting my kids from school, I want to do that. She will complain and not enjoy it, I'd like to do it but can't that'll also wind me up if i'm honest.

Mosman, I really feel for you, honestly i do, but it's not her fault if you can't pick the kids up. She is going to do it for you and you should be grateful to her
( just pretend grateful is ok )
Can you try to get over your hostility to her - she is doing you a huge favour even if you don't like it. It might make you feel better too.

Emigrating is a hugely stressful time and if you are stressed and unhappy chances are your kids will be too. If its a done deal and your MIL has to come then pretend to be happy about it for everyone's sake..... Treat her nicely and be grateful to her for helping you look after your kids. ( even if she is infuriating) You husband will love you for it and it is not forever.
......And when the kids are not listening and you are on your own you can curse, moan and bitch all you like, and if you are especially frustrated you can even come and have a vent on MN

Good luck to on the move.

I don't believe she intends to come back after 6 months. She wants to come and live with you in Perth.
Having got her nice comfy room with you she will declare herself too old and sick to travel back to the UK and you will have a permanent lodger.