Guests bedrooms, beds and children

[Mosman]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU i'm a little stressed so my judgement is a bit blurred.
Jist is against my better judgement MIL is coming with us for 6 months when we emigrate to Perth some may remember the real dilemma about taking her in the first place but she's coming to try it out and help us settle in - god help me.
So there is an minor issue being blown out of all proportion IMO about beds and bedrooms.
When we first arrive we need to keep our costs down, DH doesn't have a job yet so I want to rent a 2/3 bedroomed place, DH and I will camp on the sofa bed, the baby will sleep with us and as we get our stuff over the children, 3 girls need a room for their beds and toys etc.
Grandma (MIL) thinks she should have a room to herself and we should buy her a bed as soon as we get there as she has arthritis and a whole catalogue of various other problems. The kids would be expected to sleep on blow up mattresses.
She also isn't happy that the baby will wake in the night - well who is and thinks we should get a bigger place so that less people are disturbed i.e. her. Nevermind that I have to work to support us all on this magical mystery tour.
She isn't planning to contribute towards the rent, will buy her own food as she has two big bills coming up - not sure how she would have handled those big bills if she was staying at home but she is basically pleading poverty.
Nobody made her come with us, at first she didn't want to because she would loose out financially but it seems that WE can loose out and that's just fine.
I am getting more and more aggregated about the whole situation and we aren't even on a plane yet.
Am I being a cow ? It's only for 6 months I guess.

What Parkbench said. Where the feck is your 'D'H?

In Sydney job hunting

OK, so he can't physically be there to help, but why can't he ask his mother if she could help out watching the kids or waiting in for deliveries? If anything it sounds stronger coming from him e.g. 'Mum, obviously I'm not there so it'd be really helpful if you could see if Mosman needs anything doing'.

Too be fair to him he did as much as he could before he went but we've done all this on such short deadlines and I guess the sheer enormity of the task really hit home once he'd flown out.

The last few weeks has really highlighted just how little family support we've had including my own mother who's brilliant idea all this was. Yes you go over to Australia mosman DH will find a job there like it was nipping to tesco. My brother called today I got quite excited thought he might come up and take the kids out for a couple of hours but no he wanted to borrow a hundred quid I give up on the lot of them.

Yikes, so you are flying out there with the four kids (and two pushchairs) all on you own.


Economy!!!!!

.......speaking as someone who has done lots of transatlantic solo flights with three kids, from when the three of them were all under 4.

Are you really hoping this all goes tits up so that you can get rid of your dh along with his mother?

I has considered booking business class for me and kids and putting it on his credit card but the job offer didn't come through in time. If he gets something g before Monday I'll be getting an upgrade.

Sorry, trying to be more helpful here,
Our family moved around a lot, four countries, three continents, and I always found it less stressful to do things for myself. I have a lovely lovely DH who barely helped with any of the moves. His work was too demanding and unpredictable. He has never been able to help with packing, unpacking arranging utilities etc. I found rather than get mad with him or anyone else I would just sort things out for myself. If I needed help I would pay for it, for getting a babysitter. If I am paying then I get what I want and I am not getting frustrated. I never considered asking relatives to help, especially elderly ones. Why should they?
In the grand scheme of things can't you just pay a local teen ( the uni's have all broken up now so there should be plenty around ).

Oops sorry for typo's.

I don't want him to fail but put it this way having coped the last week with 4 of them on my own I won't be putting up with any nonsense in the future he has a limited time to get his shit together or ship out. The good thing about Australia is no worky no eaty so it's make or break for him.

Mosman, really getting an upgrade? I thought money was tight? I thought upgrades cost a fortune! At least double the price tho I could be wrong.

Well my mother isn't elderly for a start and as for why should they well there's no law but if my daughter had four children under 10 and was juggling all this she wouldn't need to ask.

If he gets the job money won't be tight will it ?

I think the anger you are showing towards this elderly woman...because that's what she is,however much of a pain in the arse you find her to be...is really caused by your feelings towards your husband.

Maybe think about that...even if MIL popped her clogs in the morning,it wouldn't make the anger you're feeling go away.I honestly think you're better off addressing that.For your own sake,and that of your kids.It won't be good for them to have to go through the break-up of their family when they have moved across the world.Seriously,I'm not having a pop at you..just looking at it from an outsiders view.

No to be fair he's just unemployed take that away and all is well, she's a pita no matter what but its easier to tolerate when times are less pressurised

Mosman good luck with the move :) Once you are there the six months will fly by, as you will be so busy settling into your new home/life.

Try and be a bit excited and happy, you and your family have a great new life ahead of you.

And I know it is hard, and she is a PITA, but try and have a wee bit of compassion for MIL.

Well yes funnily enough life does keep changing hopefully for the best and 40,000 would be small change if he gets the job and money well spent in some people's opinion. Probably not mine but that's neither here not there.
And quite frankly even if he gets the job all is marvellous and we are wip

We are wiping our noses with £50 notes I still don't consider it my responsibility to house the old baggage in her own room with en suite.

I don't believe in any of this anymore.

Out of interest, what is your reason for him looking for work in Sydney? Is your destination subject to change to?

You should go on that credit crunch thread and tell everyone how it is possible to reverse your fortunes so quickly.

So you wanted MIL to come and now you don't?

You were fine with her keeping all her pension but now you want her to contribute?

You've got a job in Perth but your husband's looking for one right now in Sydney?

You're going to rent a 2/3 bed house and all sleep on airbeds or you're going to rent a 5 bed place and buy the MIL a bed?

You're skint and you're the only earner at the moment but you're talking about paying for business class upgrades for 5 people??

Can you not see what a clusterfuck this is?

Absolutely.

I'm trying to work out what kind of salary dh is going to get in this new turn to the fantasy that makes 40 000 small change.

And if you put 40k on a credit card, it'd have to be a salary well into the millions to be able to pay it off before 2045.

I'm struggling to believe this is actually real. Why the fuck is the husband job hunting in Sydney? The distance between sydney and Perth is almost the same. London and new York.

*same as London and New York.