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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's ex boyfriend making youtube videos about her

283 replies

HairyPotter · 18/06/2012 09:31

Looking for advice as I really don't know what to do about this.

DD1 is 13, she was going out with him for 6 months. He was very possesive, controlling and played mind games with her all the time. He dumped her via text about 2 months ago.

He posted some crap about her on fb which I asked him to remove, which he did. We have since discovered he has posted videos on you tube with him and another boy talking about how brilliant it would be if he could strap bombs to her back and blow her to fuck. He goes on in a similar vein for around 15 mins. He also talks about how they went to my place of work and ran in the door and yelled "wanker" Hmm

I know this all sounds very childish but the thing is, he has linked it to fb so everyone can see it. She is so upset and humiliated. She has had a very hard time at school with bullying which led to self harming and feeling so low she had considered suicide. Sad She has a few sessions with the school therapist which seems to have helped.

I dont give a toss about them coming to my work (I wasn't in that day) but it annoys me that they have mentioned several times who I work for and where it is.

I really do not know what to do? Do I talk to his parents? The school? Or the Police? Im not sure if I am over reacting and this is just stupid wee boys mouthing off. But this is my beautiful clever sensitive daughter he is talking about. And she doesn't deserve any of this. She cried herself to sleep last night and I'm worried that she starts to hurt herself again.

So I suppose the AIBU is, can I say or do anything? My gut reaction is to speak to parents although they are very intimidating or the school.
DH wants to go to the police but I feel that they would think we would be wasting their time. Any advice would be welcomed.

Sorry this is so long btw, thanks if you made it this far.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 18/06/2012 09:32

Phone the police and inform the school immediately.

Youcanringmybell · 18/06/2012 09:33

You need to phone the POLICE. The ring the school for HT appointment.

God I wouldn't be posting on here - I would be on the war path Angry

mistlethrush · 18/06/2012 09:34

I think School AND police. Police hopefully will go and have a word with them to make them realise how wrong this is. Disgusting behaviour - I hope that your DD manages to cope OK.

cocolepew · 18/06/2012 09:34

As an aside why the hell did you let a 13 yo go out for 6 months for someone like him?!?

shrimponastick · 18/06/2012 09:34

OMG!

Your poor daughter.

I think I would be tempted to speak to someone in the police in the first instance. Even if it is all just boy talk - a visit from the police may scare him into stopping it.

FriedSprout · 18/06/2012 09:34

Phone the police, ASAP . Also the school. Don't contact parents

AnastasiaSteele · 18/06/2012 09:35

Go to the police and school. This is vile behaviour. You aren't overreacting at all. You need to go ballistic.

StripyMagicDragon · 18/06/2012 09:35

I would go to the police and the school to make them aware of what's going on. The police will speak to his parents, he has basically made threats about your daughter. They may see it as harassment if he is continually posting things and going to your workplace and being a tool.
Even if it's a case of a boy being immature and thoughtless, he needs a shock to stop, and the police may provide this.

Longtalljosie · 18/06/2012 09:35

As above, and if you go to YouTube help, it talks you through how to report a video / user

CeliaFate · 18/06/2012 09:36

Police - immediately. Why did you let him hang round for so long? Surely there were warning signs? My dd is nearly 12 and dh and I would never tolerate anyone treating dd like that. She's only 13, you need to step in.

Coops79 · 18/06/2012 09:36

Is there a "report" function on youtube? This should surely be in breech of their guidelines. Plus the school should be able to at least advise you if not step in; it is online bullying and they probably have a policy on that which you can use. Horrible behaviour from the boy; hope your daughter gets through this ok.

mumofjust1 · 18/06/2012 09:39

Police NOW and then school.

The police will take this seriously and you will NOT be wasting their time.

Your poor dd :(

BabylannShallFall · 18/06/2012 09:40

Go to the police. They will take it seriously and you have evidence. It sounds threatening.

The police got involved in some drama between me and a girl at school when I was 13, we didn't like each other so she accused me of making menacing prank calls to her. The police came to my houseand questioned me about it, if I wasn't innocent I would have been terrified.

So they do take these things seriously.

badtasteflump · 18/06/2012 09:40

Go straight to the Police and also inform the school (after you have told the Police, not before).

Bypass his parents completely - the Police can inform them.

Please don't underestimate how serious this is - you are not overreacting.

Original poster
HairyPotter · 18/06/2012 09:44

Ok so Im not over reacting. My gut instinct last night was to phone the police but it was too late, after a nights sleep I started to doubt myself.

I am already well known to the school thanks to the bullying and it felt a bit like 'Oh here we go, its DD's mum again' But you are right, police and school.

I need to say that he was perfectly lovely for the first 4 months and then his true colours started to show. I didnt know the full extent of how controlling he was until it was all over. I did tell her to finish with him when I realised that he was messing with her mind but I was aware she loved him and while the bullying was going on, he at least some of the time made her happy.
When he ditched her via text, he started calling 5 mins later and I wouldn't let her answer. He went on to facetime her 37 times in an hour as well as texts and voicemails, all of which went unanswered thanks to me The next morning he posted the shite in fb Angry

Will call school and go into police station this morning.

Thanks for all advice

OP posts:
mumofbumblebea · 18/06/2012 09:44

your poor DD. go to the police. if only to make the point to your DD that this is not normal and not what she should expect from other relationships. go to the school as well. what a horrible, cowardly waste of space.

ivykaty44 · 18/06/2012 09:45

for those saying why did she let this relationship/friendship last so long - do you pick and vet all your childrens friends and then do your dc dump the friends you don't approve?

Sallyingforth · 18/06/2012 09:47

POLICE. NOW.

sashh · 18/06/2012 09:48

Police NOW

storminabuttercup · 18/06/2012 09:51

YY police.

Poor DD.

Although I'd be tempted to humiliate the little shit, but you need to go about this the right way.

badtasteflump · 18/06/2012 09:59

OP don't worry about if the school will think 'here we go again'. If they had done more to nip the bullying in the bud you wouldn't be going back to them now, so the blame doesn't lie with you at all.

WorriedWart · 18/06/2012 10:01

Police and school. Keep a record of everything. I hope you get it sorted out soon.

Empusa · 18/06/2012 10:03

Link to report harrassment/abuse

Rindercella · 18/06/2012 10:06

God. That is awful. Glad you're going to the police. Make sure you cache the Youtube videos so that police have evidence of what this boy has posted.

claudedebussy · 18/06/2012 10:06

he needs to be sent a very strong and clear message that his crap will not be tolerated. you'll be doing him and his future gf's a favour by putting an end to it now.

police.

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