aibu to feel that this is worse than adultery?

[geosprout]

Dh and I have been having problems of late-major ones. I came home last night to overhear him talking to his mother about our problems in depth. A lot of it was untrue and painting me out to be the bad guy. Hey, I'm no innocent, but like all relationships it's six of one half dozen of the other IYSWIM.

I went ballistic: I took the phone off of him only to have her screaming down my earhole. I defended myself but I feel utterly and completely betrayed.
I don't think I'd feel worse if he had s**ed somebody else; I know, I know it's nuts and I probably am being unreasonable.

What makes it worse is that he only ever pays her 'duty visits' because he thinks he is going to get some money off her when she dies.

AIBU?

No, they don't have to.

They can come here, for a start. There are innumerable helplines, community centres, what-have-you for those who can't afford professional help but genuinely need advice.

Just wanting to bitch and offload, while understandable, is not a genuine need, though, and if you care about your partner and his future relationship with your family and friends, you won't put your 'need' to vent before his right to privacy. Things that are said and done in confidence between partners aren't meant to be gossip material for the rest of the family.

Men should not talk about their marital problems in depth with their mothers. It is wrong

Clearly the OP thinks that is what mistresses are for.

I'm increasingly struggling to take this seriously.

why is a man attached to his mums tit if he still has a close relationship with her or wishes to discuss his business with her?

Just because a man has a wife doesn't mean she gets to dictate who he speaks to and how close he can be with his mother.

You don't like her, or at least DH doesn't want you to like her or her to like you. I think there sounds if a lot is wrong but not the part where he confides in his mother.

Oh god, you're making out as if I am forbidding him from talking to her. I am not. Just forbidding him from talking out OUR relationship in depth to her. Can't you see the difference? He can spend bloody hours in her company discussing whatever they like for all I care as long as it is not our intimate life, fine.

He was hardly broadcasting it to the neighbourhood over a loudspeaker - he was talking to his mum!

Those of you who see nothing wrong with it, how comfortable would you be with your in-laws knowing every last detail of your sexual life? Health issues? Childhood traumas? Work problems? Financial issues? Do you consider everything you share with your husband to be automatically shared with his family, too?

The neighbourhood would have been better, trust me. If he had gone out, got high on cocaine and gang-banged four nubile young models, it would have been better.

Well I have discussed my problems with my dad, is that as bad?

Sorry Op, but from what you say he wasn't lying to her, was he? Because it really does sound like you hate her. Why else would you be so vehemently angry that he was confiding in her?

Why are you with him OP? I am rather confused about that, considering you haven't a nice word to say about him or his mother.

Because he is my husband and should have a pair of bollocks instead of being a useless mummy's boy. I think last night was a turning point; I actually despise him for it, I can't help it, I just do.

you're quite quite mad. And probably shouldn't be married at all.

"The neighbourhood would have been better, trust me."

Right. So tell anyone but his mum? Who you have no problem with what so ever?

If this isn't a wind up I feel very sorry for your DH and his mum.

geosprout your last post was really not necessary IMO.

Men should not talk about their marital problems in depth with their mothers

Well he obviously needs someone to talk to (as we all do at times of stress/upset) may I suggest that (as you don't see it as too much of an issue) you find him a mistress? The he could talk to her & save your blushes with his mother.

OP, I think the bastard should leave you.

If he had a pair of bollocks he would leave you as you are clearly a controlling woman with no respect for him or his mother.

Well I think that it is necessary because it illustrates how betrayed I feel by it all. OK? I don't put things into words if not needed. I didn't say it to shock, just to illustrate.

Actually Panickingidiot, my DP's family I now see as my own. I myself have confided in them and told them of health problems, childhood traumas, everything. I do however only laugh and joke about our sex life with the young ones, his siblings, cousins etc.

Maybe I am in the wrong, and so are they, for talking to the future in law?

Wow. Just wow.

'A useless mummy's boy'???? try going out with a man who hates his mother- now that's a real problem.
One minute you're saying he never goes to see his mum, the nest that he's attached to her t*t (a vile expression btw).
I am sure that 99% of us here have disclosed personal information to a friend or relative at some time. It's not ideal but it's what people do.

So you'd all be happy to find your dh's telling their mothers how often you had sex, then? As my dh did last night.

you actually sound violent and unhinged... if the tone of your posts is anything to go by, no wonder he is confiding in his mother.. you come across as controlling, vindictive and verbally abusive

That's nice, ShullBit, except it's a completely different situation if YOU choose to confide in your in-laws vs. YOUR HUSBAND disclosing stuff that was NOT meant for a wider audience.

differentname, like I said, it would be better for him to do that.

squeakytoy if your husband discussed your sex life with his mother-as my dh did last night with his- would you be OK with that?