aibu to feel that this is worse than adultery?

[geosprout]

Dh and I have been having problems of late-major ones. I came home last night to overhear him talking to his mother about our problems in depth. A lot of it was untrue and painting me out to be the bad guy. Hey, I'm no innocent, but like all relationships it's six of one half dozen of the other IYSWIM.

I went ballistic: I took the phone off of him only to have her screaming down my earhole. I defended myself but I feel utterly and completely betrayed.
I don't think I'd feel worse if he had s**ed somebody else; I know, I know it's nuts and I probably am being unreasonable.

What makes it worse is that he only ever pays her 'duty visits' because he thinks he is going to get some money off her when she dies.

AIBU?

squeakytoy yeah, yeah, no need to keep repeating yourself: women who antagonise their men deserve a good slap, or a push. If you were a victim of dv, I'm Napoleon.

Empusa, naturally I don't know what she said when he was on the phone to her, I can only know what she said to me afterwards.

Geo - squeaky didn't say anything of the sort.

Of course squeaky didn't say anything of the sort but that is of no consequence to the OP who can, will and does attribute all manner of things to whomsoever she pleases. Nutjob. Enough already.

You're just getting worse OP,, you're making stuff up now and being exceedingly rude and unfair to posters.

You seem well able to get worked up here, why not use some of that anger in the right direction?

I'm a little confused.

OP started this thread started off stating her partner disliked his mother and only continued to see her for the sake of a future inheritance.

Then for about 6 pages the same partner was said to be too close to his mother...infact the word 'incest' was used.

Now in the last few pages her partner is back to disliking his mother again.

Is it me???????????

OP, no one is saying dv is acceptable. No one. By saying they are you are sounding unhinged and like you live on a different planet.
You came here because you wanted people to agree. When people pointed out that, in their opinion, your dh did nothing wrong you starting saying he was a mummys boy. Mummys boys do not dislike their mothers, they don't only see them because they must. When that didn't win sympathy and people pointed out your behaviour was agressive and controlling you changed it again, saying you didn't go ballistic. When that didn't work your dh went from pushing you, then to pushing you down the stairs. When people were dubious about that you have added in loads more abuse.
Now people are questioning thid you attack them saying that they are saying dv is ok. drip feeding makes you sound like you are desperately trying to get people to side with you and makes people doubt the truth. Accusing them of saying something they didn't only backs up that people are unsure about what you are saying.
lots of people told you to leave early on. From what you have said you both are possibly abusive to each other and you should leave. You have demonstrated abusive behaviour and, according to you, he has.
You used a line earlier along the lines of 'so its ok to push a woman down the stairs if she deserves it?'. Its not and no one said that, but its also not ok to do what you did because your dh has previously been abusive. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

cornish no its not just you. :)

op why not just start a new thread where you state in a calm,logical, consistant and honest way the nature of your problems with you marriage as you've got so many people's backs up with the way you've conducted yourself on this one.

Then people might be able to offer advice, rather than pick through all the inconsistencies.

OP, you're getting some good advice now - take it! Ask for this thread to be deleted and, if you want, start a new, calm one. And just for the record, (although slighty as to why I'm saying this when it's so obvious!), I don't think DV is ever OK. Seriously, though, you haven't done yourself any favours on this thread.

OR,

he hates his mum and you think that's a bad characture trait - LEAVE HIM
he loves his mum too much and ditto - LEAVE HIM
he calls you names to his mum - LEAVE HIM
he pushes you - LEAVE HIM
He pushes you down the stairs - LEAVE HIM
He erodes your self-esteem - LEAVE HIM!

Anyway - you think he is being unreasonable - and ok if you say it feels worse than adultery, that's your opinion.

Nothing anyone can say will make the slightest difference. LEAVE HIM and get a BETTER LIFE!

Are you getting it? No-one here thinks you have a good healthy marriage.

I've come back to this thread and it's just unbelievable. UNBELIEVABLE. Does the op think we're stupid? She just bounds from one thing to another hurling insults to whoever doesn't agree with her, dripping ever more awful crimes committed by her dh (allegedly!), brings dv into the equation as a means of attracting sympathy, and then wonders why she is getting flak, and coming across as unhinged......
(shakes head and wanders off again, thinking that this is 20 minutes of my life reading this that I'll never get back)