To make 20yo DD and her boyfriend sleep in different rooms in my house?

[wishinonastar]

DD (20) and her boyfriend (19) are at the same uni and have been together for 18 months. He lives at the opposite end of the country to us so whenever he visits during the holidays he stays for a least a few nights, and right from his first visit we put him in the spare room. Since I am sure that they are sleeping together at uni, am I being ridiculously old fashioned by not letting them share a room now they've been together for a substantial amount of time?

My parents are the same about marriage. I was with DH for 10 years before we got married, and my parents would never really acknowledge the relationship, or have him in their house - they'd invite me for Christmas etc. on my own.

Now I'd never have demanded he be invited, because it's their house, their rules, and entirely up to them. I did think it was quite rude and insulting though, and meant I didn't see them much and have never had a great relationship with them. It would be one thing if we were teenagers who'd been together a few months, but I'm talking about 30 year old adults together for 10 years with a house of their own together.

I guess the OP's case is somewhere in between as they're still quite young and the relationship is in its fairly early stages. I'd advise thinking about exactly when you're going to start treating them as a 'proper' couple in your eyes - will it be when they reach a certain age, get engaged/married, have had a certain number of years together? Because if you let the situation go on indefinitely it may get a bit ridiculous.

So being gay is a flaw?! How is it a flaw? It doesn't have a negative effect on anyone. And expecting celibacy? Pull the other one you narrow minded silly woman. Why would that make things any better for you? Please do tell me WHY.

It's unfortunate some people have homophobic tendencies but that's imperfect man for you.

I am NOT homophobic.

I would not allow a gay child of mine to have a partner with them of the same sex ever: I would expect celibacy. It's unfortunate some people have homosexual tendencies but that's imperfect man for you

Fortunately for your children they do need you to 'allow' them to have a same sex relationship, and neither do they need to rise to your 'expectations'.

It's unfortunate that some people are saddled with mothers who are only capable of conditional love and understanding, but that's imperfect man for you.

Crossed posts blonde!

Not being allowed to sleep together about parents before we were married (engaged and living together) did not affect our relationship with our parents, it was the done thing in our area and with families. We might raise our eyebrows but found it funny rather than insulting. Plus most folk had small houses and big families, it just wasn't expected or really a problem. Know things have changed but don't think parents who find it difficult to deal with their youngish children's burgeoning sex lives are necessarily unreasonable, it's just how they feel and possibly how they were brought up. I'll probably be much more relaxed about these things than my parents were but I think the respect goes both ways on this, it shouldn't be all up to the parents to be the ones to give and feel uncomfortable in their own home, surely the couple should know what their parents are like on this and not want to overly make things awkward for them. Maybe they just need time to adjust and get used to the idea. At what point would folk deem it acceptable to let their children share, what is your criterion - first date, one month, 6 months?

well 47 your views on not sharing a room when not married would make me question a friendship, your view on same sex relationships would mean that we would never be friends and quite frankly i pity your children being brought up with views such as that.

My dad tried to pull that one when I was 20.

I laughed and told him no. To his credit he didn't make an argument out of it. I wasn't trying to either, I genuinely found it amusing.

Tell you what, OP. Your daughter is an adult. So are you. Those years when you can treat each other as equals, not as dependants, are awfully short. Cherish them. I wasn't fortunate enough to get many of them with my parents.

Ohh, this thread has exploded against me.

Of course I don't get to allow my children partners when they are grown up... I meant allow them to sleep with a person of the same sex in my home, which I would find to be wrong. It was obvious in context.

I should never have get involved. exoticfruits seems to be the leader of the anti-morals police on this one, the same one who defends abortion and attacked the OP on a thread opposing teachers who keep secrets about sex. krumbum is right out of the Summerskill/Johann Hari/GLSEN homosexual agenda squad. As are many of the others who think disagreeing with homosexuality automatically makes you a homophobe. I have NOT used any bigoted language or shown hate or fear of gay/lesbian people. I just believe the acts they perform instead of proper sex (vaginal intercourse, i.e. consummation of a proper marriage) are sin as they violate the natural moral law as recognised by many religions and cultures.

5mad I pity the majority of children being taught to accept the values of a decadent society- non-faith, rampant sexual licentiousness, "equality" of sodomy to natural intercourse, killing unborn children, parents being cut out of childrens' lives, overreliance on government, etc.

Those in the minority are lucky to know what's right and wrong. Even if their numbers drop to 1 per cent, they will be better than the 99 per cent who have fallen away from the authentic values of what was the greatest ever civilisation.

The more I read about religious views, the more it confirms why I am an Atheist.:o

And 47, the thread is exploding against you because of the crap you are spouting.

What natural law? You can get gay dolphins and gay turtles. Lots of species are "naturally" gay.

When I was 19 and had a long term boyfriend he wasn't allowed to stay at my house let alone in my room. My brother- a couple of years older than me however was allowed to invite a girl from another country he had met online to stay in my parents home. I moved out pretty shortly afterwards as I felt unfair I wasn't allowed to have a mature relationship under their roof but it was different rules for my brother. It still grates me to this day

You are a bigot 47.
Like Susannelinder just said, this is why I am an Athiest.
If your numbers do drop to 1 per cent, that would mean in your opinion, the other 99% are wrong.
Words fail me.

My first ever

What natural law? You can get gay dolphins and gay turtles. Lots of species are "naturally" gay.

What about seahorses? Its the boys that get pregnant :o

5mad I pity the majority of children being taught to accept the values of a decadent society- non-faith, rampant sexual licentiousness, "equality" of sodomy to natural intercourse, killing unborn children, parents being cut out of childrens' lives, overreliance on government, etc.

Very sweeping general statements there! So you assume that people who do not follow a faith are morally corrupt, believe in abortion and allow our kids to have sex when they want? Oh and relay on the government. Hmm?

Actually no. I have my own set of morals, that are not dictated to by any false creationist beings. I believe in the equality of human beings, regardless of their sexual orientation, and have respect for people to have the freedom to do what they wish as long as it does not hurt someone else. I will keep my views on abortion to myself as it is none of anyone's business. I treat people with respect and in a non judgemental way,something that seems to be lacking in most organised religions.

Actually if you DO want to go down the religious route, if we are all created in Gods image etc etc, and we follow the Christian ethos of Jesus having died for our sins, I doubt very much he would be as judgey as most religions would have us believe as we are all Gods children. And I doubt very much he would get his knickers in a twist about 2 men or women who love each other, or about two adults expressing their love for each other, whether they have a mariage certificate with all the other stuff he has to deal with.

Oh and while we are on the subject, please point me to the bit where Mary and Joseph got married in the local synagogue (as Christianity hadnt started yet), followed by their wedding in the Bethlehem Hilton. Oh and was Mary not a teensy wee bit unfaithful to Joseph? :o

Yup- I am probably going to hell for this post-if I believed in it.. :o

Dude. It's like I've just discovered a whole new world of weird.

i am bringing my children up to know about all faiths and if they choose to have a faith fine, if they dont fine, i am teaching my children about safe sex and that includes the fact that it should be part of a loving relationship, but if they want to have sex outside of a relationship and are mature enough and responsible to do so that will be their choice and i wont judge them for it, i just want them to be respectful to themselves and others. and if they are gay then that is also fine and of course gay sex is fine, hell plent of people in regular male/female relationships also partake in anal sex, again the key is to be safe and respect yourself and your parnter, what my children get up to in their sex lifes is up to them as long as they are responsible and respectful to themselves and their parnter i couldnt care less.

as for abortion, yes i am pro-choice, i believe it is a womans right to have that choice and am bringing my sons up to respect women and their rights, and my daughter up to know her rights and above all for them all to respect each other and other people, 'treat others as you would like to be treated yourselves' :)

my children have a mum and a dad and extended family that are a part of their lives, plus many close friends who we also count as 'family' and we have friends who are gay and have children so they see that it can be two mums, or two dads or single parents and that what counts is love and support sometimes regardless of biology.

as for relliance on the government, well dp works i am a sahm, tho our roles may reverse or we will both work when the children are older, for now we do what works for us as a family and i am grateful that there is a safety net for those that need it and hope i wont be in a postion to need it but i cant predict the future, no more than anyone else can!

i am brining my children up to be udnerstanding and loving, to realise that we can celebrate our differences and it is not ok to judge someone on their sexuality, they colour, their faith etc as i said 'treat others as you would like to be treated yourself ' it works for me :)

I should never have get involved. exoticfruits seems to be the leader of the anti-morals police on this one, the same one who defends abortion and attacked the OP on a thread opposing teachers who keep secrets about sex.

Would you care to give me a link because I have no memory of either.

Susanne, well said :o

Homosexual agenda lol, and what's that now? What is my agenda? In my opinion it is that all people should be equal unless they are doing something that hurts others, consensual homosexual sex hurts no one so therefore I think its fine. There OBVIOUSLY isn't a 'natural' order or gay people would not exist, there's too many of them for it to be an anomaly.
Are you against married couples performing any kind of non penetrative sex? Mutual masterbation? Oral sex? Because these things could be equally deemed unnatural as they don't make s baby? Is contraception wrong? What about infertile people? Because if you believe sexuality is just for married people to baby make then you should equally be against these things? Or is it JUST gay ppl you have a problem with?
Please tell me how gay people having sex affects you in any way? You bringing your kids up homophobic won't stop them being gay if they are, it will just make them hate themselves. Huge amount of gay people with bigoted parents kill themselves, I hope for their sake they arnt gay.
Also as I already asked, what religion are you?
And btw you do know lots a married, straight couples have anal sex too!

likes krunbums post :)

47, GTFO.

Seriously, people like you make me a little bit sick. You act so self righteous yet you codemn those who don't follow this silly moral code you have for yourself

You say 'as recognised by many religions and cultures'
Lots of religions and cultures advocate stoning (one example), that doesn't mean its right...

I don't even want to get started on this one.