To be absolutely LIVID with my kids?? Do I expect too much? honesty please

[Fragmin]

So, just started a new job, 13 hour shifts, 3 days a week.

My kids are 12 and 13. Neither are special needs or have any other excuses.

I have to set off for work at 6.30am which means they have to be trusted to get themselves up (well, I wake them but they are free to lounge in bed until later with an alarm on incase they fall asleep.

Request 1 - get up and leave the house for school before 8.20am.

Now, as I don't get home until 8.30pm they kids are free to go to their grandma's house when they get home from school - however they prefer to come straight home.

Request 2 - keep the house reasonably tidy.

And, as a rare treat I told them to take £20 out of the kitty tonight for a takeaway 1, so that they could eat before I got home and 2, to save me cooking.

Request 3 - just pop into the chinese (they walk past it on the way to their favourite take-away) and grab me a portion of noodles and curry I can warm up when I get home.

So - do I ask too much? really? Because

a) DS2 decides he'd stay home from school all day and paint his skateboard. I didn't know until I got home at 8.15pm (finished early).

b) The house was an absolute tip. Sweet wrappers all over the living room floor, cushions thrown all over, pots everwhere - honestly it looked like a bunch of toddlers had been shown in and told to "go crazy". Very nice to walk into after a 13 hour shift.

c) they couldn't even be arsed to wait 5 minutes in the chinese for my tea. Got themselves theirs of course, spent the money I left them then fucked off home leaving me with nothing for my tea.

Maybe it's because I had a particularly hard day at work but I'm so angry I could cry.

Yes. Every post has been deleted.

Interesting look into the past though. An op stating they are out all day from 6.30am to 8.30pm with a 12 and 13 year old would have their arse handed to them these days and far far fewer YANBUs.

They really should bin stuff after a few years. Just think about the environmental impact of all this stuff on servers and the environmental impact of running them and keeping them cool.

You can’t blame them. It’s not their fault your job means you’re not there at either end of the day. They’re kids!!!

I didn't think you were unreasonable, OP, I certainly for myself ready for school at that age and the other things are just pretty basic manners/care. Reading other people's responses though, I think it's really dependent on the maturity of the child/ren.

They've had privileges that they've abused and to my mind, they should now lose. Like having to get up and ready with you, phoning the school to make sure they've gone in, going to Grandma's after school, no matter what their preference is, no take away treats. Beans on toast for dinner.

Not any more they're not.

YABVU. They are kids being expected to parent themselves. They could do some of those things, but expecting them to do all? No chance. I say that as a single mum with a nearly 12 year old who is genuinely very helpful and responsible.

I used to cook a meal for my whole family many times when I was 12. And that was when I was alone in the house. My dad often tells us that he was out working full time by the age of 13 (he gave up school to bring money in for the family). It’s not like they’re not old enough. But then this is a different generation, and I think kids these days often aren’t given that kind of responsibility until they’re older. Because of that I guess they’re still quite immature at 12 and 13.

I used to leave mine at 10 and 12 at 6.30am
The rules were that they were out of bed, and eating when I left. They ate together just in case someone choked. And knew which neighbours to call in etc.

They had their alarms set for 5 mins before they left the house, and also for the time they needed to leave.

It's crap, but that's the reality of being a single parent and working shifts. It's hard going, and teens are ungrateful.

I would leave snacks they can have when they get home, to avoid the loads of wrappers etc.

Definitely give them a bollocking, especially for not getting your dinner. They need to know that you are disappointed for not getting dinner.

Kids are probs married with kids now FFS 🙄
Why has 10 year old thread reappeared 🥴….. would like to know what those kids think of this now though 🤔

Ah yes! You are right. Afaik there is a 'nitewotcha' genuinely but this looks like an imitation of that account with an extra 'e'. Well spotted!

My 12 year old would go to the corner shop on her way home (if she didn’t forget) and maybe at a very big push clean the dishes I asked if she was looking for some money or was feeling particularly helpful, but like heck would she keep the home clean, would she go to a Chinese or other take out place alone or. I think you’re asking way too much of them, and at that age I think you’re leaving them alone for far too long too. Their gran minding them might be the best all round.

And I obviously should have checked the date before posting, sorry!

😚😅

@Fragmin Why did the school not call you when the child did not turn up? That is incredibly worrying. They should have. Other schools do.

I also didn't see the date!

I wonder whether this would be nore or les acceptable now.
wouod kids be more grown up now.
mid it more normal now for mum to be out working.
is it more dangerous because of social media and pressures
atm do we actually need to be with our kids more to protect them from a whole new level of dangers?
could they cook better now at that age.or easier because they just order a deliveroo!
would mum accept mess more now
would she be able to wfh more now anyway to be there?
am I a sad git for thinking too much on a ZOMBIE thread🤨

They are too young in my opinion. Could you get a job which is maybe shorter hours over more days? Or get someone to supervise?

To them, it must feel a little bit like they are being abandoned if you are gone before they are up in the morning and don't return until night time. I would imagine they are reacting against this. It sounds like the usual parent/child dynamic has been turned on its head - they are expected to take care of themselves, the house and you, rather than having someone there to take care of them e.g. make sure they get out of bed and to school, do their homework, eat etc.

I know this sounds harsh on you but honestly, I think this sounds quite damaging.

Aaargh, zombie thread!!! Who keeps resurrecting these? I'm way too emotionally invested in this - I hope the kids grew up ok 🤣

Sounds like standard behaviour to me and yes you should be annoyed but not surprised. That is a very long time for them to be left alone 6am till 830pm surely they also should be eating earlier than that after being at school all day. I wouldn't be happy at leaving 12 and 13 year old that long but guarantee when I was that age I wouldn't bother going tor school or doing anything I was supposed to either there must be consequences but who is going to enforce them.

So what happened then did you solve the issue?

Not to the 12 and 13 year old who will now be 22( ish) and 23( ish)
They are,,nt .

I would tell them that after school they go straight to your mum's. They have their tea there, do their homework and behave. You can prepare their meals and give them to mum, or if she enjoys cooking, bung her some cash.

They’ll be coming in from work as they’re in their twenties now! They may even have their own homes.

Definitely old enough to leave alone at home now.