To be absolutely LIVID with my kids?? Do I expect too much? honesty please

[Fragmin]

So, just started a new job, 13 hour shifts, 3 days a week.

My kids are 12 and 13. Neither are special needs or have any other excuses.

I have to set off for work at 6.30am which means they have to be trusted to get themselves up (well, I wake them but they are free to lounge in bed until later with an alarm on incase they fall asleep.

Request 1 - get up and leave the house for school before 8.20am.

Now, as I don't get home until 8.30pm they kids are free to go to their grandma's house when they get home from school - however they prefer to come straight home.

Request 2 - keep the house reasonably tidy.

And, as a rare treat I told them to take £20 out of the kitty tonight for a takeaway 1, so that they could eat before I got home and 2, to save me cooking.

Request 3 - just pop into the chinese (they walk past it on the way to their favourite take-away) and grab me a portion of noodles and curry I can warm up when I get home.

So - do I ask too much? really? Because

a) DS2 decides he'd stay home from school all day and paint his skateboard. I didn't know until I got home at 8.15pm (finished early).

b) The house was an absolute tip. Sweet wrappers all over the living room floor, cushions thrown all over, pots everwhere - honestly it looked like a bunch of toddlers had been shown in and told to "go crazy". Very nice to walk into after a 13 hour shift.

c) they couldn't even be arsed to wait 5 minutes in the chinese for my tea. Got themselves theirs of course, spent the money I left them then fucked off home leaving me with nothing for my tea.

Maybe it's because I had a particularly hard day at work but I'm so angry I could cry.

They are pretty young though!

One ds13 he knows he has to be showered and leave for school by 8.25 and will sort his own tea on days I work either warming something up I've pre made or putting something in air fryer never any issues so no you don't ask to much.

This thread is from 2012. Pretty sure the boys are men now.

far too much responsibility for a 12 and 13 year old.

Consequences. That's all. Remove a privilege for every task they don't manage. Those who say you're expecting too much are plain wrong. You are on the path to raising capable children. If they don't go to school turn off the internet at weekends. Yes you will be punishing both of them but the one who has been to school will be "encouraging" the other to toe the line if you do this. I'm sure you understand where I'm going. Good luck x

READ THE OP DATE PEOPLE FFS!
this thread is 10 years old

How do these even get picked up?
I would love to no about these men now though and how they are?

Who is keep resurrecting all of these zombie threads?!

I think they're a bit young, especially as they're boys. What did you used to do? Because I'm assuming this is quite a recent change in the way things are done. I'd go back to whatever you used to do for another year or two tbh.

Haha! I’d also love to know how they turned out 😂.

Oh and all those saying they’re too young - nonsense! My boys would cope with that no problem 🙄.

But the OP's children aren't just home before their parents. You fetched yourself a very basic snack involving no cooking and sat at the table doing homework or having fun until a parent came home. This is pretty standard and I did the same at 12. The OP's kids are expected to get up, organise their things for school, organise a snack or lunch (unless the school provides it), get home, get a snack, cook their own dinner most nights, consider their mother's dinner, tidy up, do their homework and begin the night time routine. Some posters have suggested that they should do some cleaning as well. This is world away from letting yourself in, grabbing a snack and sitting down. Their effectively alone all day without any adult guidance and are being expected to operate like a partner or second adult in the home.

They are way too young for this level of responsibility. I think that posters who are saying it's fine are comparing this to coming home for a few hours and just playing or relaxing. 8.30pm is completely different. They need adult supervision during this time so if you have a willing grandmother then she will need to come past in the evening (e.g 5.30) to offer support. If not then I think you really need to reconsider your work arrangements or find another adult who can supervise. These expectations are out of order. I would also worry about how they're coping emotionally as they effectively do not have an adult present for three days a week. 12 and 13 is very young to not be able to speak to someone about how their day progressed and things that are bothering them.

At that age they need some supervision. You need to call to check in often enough. Have someone check in on them and I think from early morning til 8pm is too long to be left alone, particularly if they have to cook too. If there were any accidents with hot pans you would not be home to deal with it.

I do batch cooking during weekends and holidays. I make enough food that can fill around 6 labelled containers for each food so that I have a variety in the freezer. When I get home at 6:30- 7 I pick a meal. Or perhaps you can invest in a slow cooker.

They do pop up if you google certain topics, I will often get a mumsnet thread or two offered and they will almost always be years and years old - but if you don't know to check... mm! Particularly if you already have an account and are logged in, it's easy to not spot the date.

Curious to know if the OP's kids grew up to be a bit more thoughtful - my Mums response to that behaviour was I had to get up and dressed and sit at the bus stop when she left for work, for the hour between her leaving and the bus arriving. Harsh, but quite effective.

I disagree. I think they are old enough - they are pretty much teenagers, not babies! Hopefully this is just a bad start and once they get used to it they will be much more cooperative.

YABU to be arguing over a thread from 10 years ago! 🤣

Oh for heavens sake
ofcourse you asked to much of them
if it was that easy ,teachers wouldn’t be needed and could just leave work for kids to do unsupervised
seriously ,what did you think was going to happen

You gave them the opportunity to be responsible young men and they failed..
So i would be sending them to grandmas after school

Seeing as they are now in their 20s I can't see that happening.

No not too much for them at all.
In fact they should be able to cook a simple meal for themselves at that age.
However you did leave them alone too long I think.

It's really odd. This is the 3rd zombie thread that has been reactivated by @Niteewotcha (part of the nightwatch team as the name suggests) and those posts have been deleted. I presume some kind of error.

people really just slap down their opinion regardless of what’s been written or the fact this is ten years old. It’s been concluded. Ten years ago

The children are now 24 & 25, this thread is from 2012!

You gave them a chance they let you down and proved they can't be trusted so you need to sort childcare. To be fair to them there is no way I would of gone to school at that age if I didn't have an adult making me

You are leaving them to parent themselves. 6.30 - 8.30 is more than half the day, they might as well live alone. I'm all for kids having a bit of independence but this is bordering on neglect. If a child I taught told me this I would have to safeguard it. They are not old enough or mature enough to deal with this. For the posters saying they coped with more at that age, times have changed a lot and children in general are less mature these days and often need parenting into early adulthood. I appreciate you are a single parent trying to work but you need to make some provision for them to have adult supervision.