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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be absolutely LIVID with my kids?? Do I expect too much? honesty please

499 replies

Fragmin · 14/06/2012 20:19

So, just started a new job, 13 hour shifts, 3 days a week.

My kids are 12 and 13. Neither are special needs or have any other excuses.

I have to set off for work at 6.30am which means they have to be trusted to get themselves up (well, I wake them but they are free to lounge in bed until later with an alarm on incase they fall asleep.

Request 1 - get up and leave the house for school before 8.20am.

Now, as I don't get home until 8.30pm they kids are free to go to their grandma's house when they get home from school - however they prefer to come straight home.

Request 2 - keep the house reasonably tidy.

And, as a rare treat I told them to take £20 out of the kitty tonight for a takeaway 1, so that they could eat before I got home and 2, to save me cooking.

Request 3 - just pop into the chinese (they walk past it on the way to their favourite take-away) and grab me a portion of noodles and curry I can warm up when I get home.

So - do I ask too much? really? Because

a) DS2 decides he'd stay home from school all day and paint his skateboard. I didn't know until I got home at 8.15pm (finished early).

b) The house was an absolute tip. Sweet wrappers all over the living room floor, cushions thrown all over, pots everwhere - honestly it looked like a bunch of toddlers had been shown in and told to "go crazy". Very nice to walk into after a 13 hour shift.

c) they couldn't even be arsed to wait 5 minutes in the chinese for my tea. Got themselves theirs of course, spent the money I left them then fucked off home leaving me with nothing for my tea.

Maybe it's because I had a particularly hard day at work but I'm so angry I could cry.

OP posts:

ItsHitTheFanNow · 09/11/2022 06:36

I think you're expecting too much of them too.

tigger1001 · 09/11/2022 06:36

They are old enough to do the things you mention.

My two were left on their own all day when I returned to work from furlough in June 2020 and they were not at school (as schools here closed until august) and there was no alternative child care due to covid. My youngest was 10 - turned 11 in the September and my eldest was 14.

They have been able to get themselves to school since then. I leave the house at 6.45 - youngest is out of bed as he would sleep in, and they both get themselves dressed and sorted for school. They get buses to school and they need to be at the bus stop on time, as no alternative buses run.

They also sort themselves after school too until either their dad or I are home.

However our school do text if they are late, so I would know by 9.30 if they didn't go and that would be addressed straight away.

Darbs76 · 09/11/2022 06:36

12 and 13yr olds are perfectly capable of doing all that 3 days a week. It’s not asking for much, maybe some think they aren’t as their kids have everything done for them.

Bpdqueen · 09/11/2022 06:36

Just realised how old this thread is your kids are probably old enough to look after themselves now 🤣🤣🤣🤣

tigger1001 · 09/11/2022 06:37

Oh for god sake! Another zombie thread resurrected!

Darbs76 · 09/11/2022 06:38

Oh jeez another zombie I’ve commented on! So many lately. Must check the date, but how do these threads get resurrected?!

marcopront · 09/11/2022 06:44

This thread is a really good test of who

Checks the date on a thread
Reads recent comments before posting

Most people fail

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/11/2022 06:46

Its far too early for zombie threads.

Fcuk38 · 09/11/2022 06:48

Sorry but you can’t expect them to be in their own all that time. My kid would never get up for school in the morning if i wasn’t there. I’m solo parent so I do get it but I couldn’t leave them for so long. 12 and 13 is still very young.

Tinner01 · 09/11/2022 06:51

ZOMBIE THREAD!

Hillary17 · 09/11/2022 07:00

You’re right to be annoyed! A good long chat about expectations for sure and stop the treats for a little while until they’ve sorted themselves out. Perfectly normal to expect kids at this age to be able to get to school on time on their own, and sit at home for a few hours.

AloysiusBear · 09/11/2022 07:02

Yanbu. My mother was out to work from early when i was that age (teacher with a commute), we had to get up and get ourselves to school. We made our own packed lunches etc.

take away the skateboard that he truanted to paint. This is the one I would be most angry about, i'd take away a hell of a lot of privileges for truanting.
no takeaway for a long, long time. Batch cook meal you like, and they need to eat what you eat.
they go to grandma's (no choice) until they learn to tidy up. Also I hope you made them clear the mess.

Wtf do people think working parents do? Thousands of 12 & 13 year olds get themselves up and off to school.

AloysiusBear · 09/11/2022 07:03

Ps I'm stunned school didn't ring or message you when he didn't show up.

AloysiusBear · 09/11/2022 07:05

12 and 13 is still very young.

Its really not. Not that long ago people this age were out working, housemaids, apprentices, shepherds, minding younger kids. Modern teenagers need a kick in the arse.

CraneBoysMysteries · 09/11/2022 07:09

Tinner01 · 09/11/2022 06:51

ZOMBIE THREAD!

This a million times

Seymour5 · 09/11/2022 07:15

mycatisannoying · 08/11/2022 23:24

They are pretty young though!

They’ll be about 24 and 25 now! Thread was 12 years ago…

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 09/11/2022 07:18

Skateboard would be going in the bin as punishment.
I used to hve to do this and cook the family meals from age 12.
They would be read the riot act, and next time you all decide to have a chinese, id take their order and come home with just your own. 'Oh sorry, it was too much effort to get yours, youll have to sort yourselves out. This will show them how you felt.

Freeeezing · 09/11/2022 07:20

They are quite young! My 11 yr old would struggle with all of this, and yours is 12 so not much older! I think they r a bit young for all you are expecting. Especially the 12 yr old. Maybe a 13 and 14/15 yr old could manage

Bananarama21 · 09/11/2022 07:22

Your expecting far too much, they arec till kids. I personally think its far too long to ve left unattended without an adulthood.

Downtown123 · 09/11/2022 07:26

Far to young to take on that responsibility.

Softplayhooray · 09/11/2022 07:28

McHappyPants2012 · 14/06/2012 20:26

I think it's too much for them.

I agree with this. I remember being pretty depressed when my parents were busy all the time and I just had to sort myself out, while my best mate always came home to her parents, a meal, and all that warm and fuzzy feeling stuff. Sure I got on with it, but it made me unhappy.

It's hard at age 12 to have that much freedom as well, as it's really tough to manage, alongside the feeling of noone looking after you. I'm not saying you aren't looking after them but I think they're probably feeling like I did. They still need more structure and rules, including getting up with you, having to go to Grandma's, and set rules, not choices.

bookworm14 · 09/11/2022 07:28

ZOMBIE THREAD

These kids are both adults now!

MichelleScarn · 09/11/2022 07:30

Its not the real @mnhq nightwatch team though, is it? It looks like a 'oh so clever' similar name by those amazing reddit chaps 'niteewotcher' ? Really kids, get outside and play!

Softplayhooray · 09/11/2022 07:30

Oh man another zombie thread. So annoying. Cant Mumsnet just get rid of posts after a couple of years?

Devoutspoken · 09/11/2022 07:31

Does it matter that its a zombie thread ? These issues are still relevant

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