I think I have just caught my dh lying to me...

[Corrie4Ever]

I've changed my bname for this one, it seems pretty serious
DH went to London today for a work meeting. Said in the morning he "wouldn't be home till late, 9 or 10 pm".
"Why?" I said. "Those meetings never go on much past 5pm do they?" (is a 3 hour journey back to us, max)
"Oh, uh, no," says he, a bit flummoxed. "I suppose I'll be back more like 8ish then."
Thought no more of it. then got text at 7.50pm saying "some poor soul has jumped in front of the train, gonna be late"
Followed by "god I hate London!"
Then I rang him at 9pm and he said he was back out of London and had picked his car up at Basingstoke, and was driving home. I asked about the suicide, he said the train was sat on the rails for AGES while police investigated someone jumping under the train in front of him all this on the railway just between Waterloo and Clapham.
I begin to remember that earlier conversation this morning.
Look on the internet. No record of any such incident, delays, nothing.
Ring South West TRains, nothing happend at all...
He is still not back- what do you guys reckon??
WE have been together 8 years, 2dcs, never ever had any cause to suspect anything before...happily married...I think...

England played Monday so wasn't that match, think it was Germany V Netherlands last night though which I would imagine was a good match so if he is a football fan there's a good chance he would have wanted a peek with the lads & a pint.......

I think the card thing is probably a bit of a red herring - if he's the massage parlour type of guy he'd be more careful and anyway there's google nowadays.

So OP either he's telling the truth, in which case you need to address your trust issues.
Or he's lying - for a quick pint and watch a match, in which case you need to lighten up a bit so he knows the odd few hours tohimself is fine with you.
Or he's lying - for something nefarious, in which case I am sorry.

Did you smell alcohol on him when he came in?

I do hope it's nothing and it's all blown over now.

Hi, just seen your post. My DH was delayed from London on the basingstoke line and said it was because of a death (he said how some people were just complaining about being delayed and didn't seem to care that some poor sod had died). I assumed it was a suicide and but dont know for a fact.

It would have been about the same time of day, can't remember the date but was was in the last week or two. I can't ask him as he's up in london tonight.

So sounds true to me. Havn't read all your other posts or replies so don't know how this thread has developed.

Does that help you?

24Hour, your last post is exactly all that I have been trying to say, but had sarcastic, below the belt comments aimed at me for it.

Yes, he could be lying. The clue is in the could. But, as you say, he could also be innocent.

Telling her to check bank statements, pockets, phone bills etc is way OTT. Calling him a lying bastard, with no actual proof, is not going to help the OP either.

She is understandably confused right now, and comments like the above are not going to help her relationship, especially if he is innocent. I know if I was, and found out my DP had done that all behind my back without talking to me, I would be seriously questioning our relationship and wondering if it was worth continuing it.

It's all about perspective. Not straight away hanging him by his balls, but pointing out other explanations apart from "He is shagging a hooker. Sorry" and the talk of diseases. How would that help her exactly?

Everything that has been said on this thread is based on assumptions. I just wish everyone wasn't so quick all the time to paint the bloke as a big nasty bastard. Some are actually decent, but you wouldn't think so with the way some talk about them.

Sorry, misread the date. However, I did look it up when he told me and didn't find anything on the web. so shows it does happen and doesnt make the news

most suicides do not ever make the news.

Most of this thread has been pure speculation with people acting as it its some form of entertainment or to simply rub their own happiness into the Ops nose.

The dates dont tally as had been said and the OP posted probably for advice and support - what she got was piles of shit being talked.

I don't think people were aiming to rub the OP's nose in it, more the fact of (again, another assumption which could be wrong) that considering the OP appears to not trust her DH, that maybe this is why he may feel the need to lie to get a break.

Every single side of this has been assumed, and speculated. Including those hell bent (which can be far more destructive to her relationship) that he is "shagging a hooker".

i agree youvebeen - but i think that people were particularly cruel to someone who had clearly posted for advice and support - insinuating all sorts of rubbish and holding their own ideals up as the standard for everyone else.

Has the OP gone? :(

I don't think she was at all paranoid. Why do people treat different postings differently?

i agree youvebeen - but i think that people were particularly cruel to someone who had clearly posted for advice and support - insinuating all sorts of rubbish and holding their own ideals up as the standard for everyone else.

The only cruel advice/rubbish insinuated was by those junping straight for hooker shaogging and dripping VD on the most tenuous of evidence.

The best advice the OP got was to hold her horses, consider more likely scenarios first, and think about why they may have come about before jumping into Gestapo style interrogations.

Sometimes good advice is not what you want to hear though.....

I'm sad for the OP as well. She wanted support and advice and yes, at the beginning things were a little crazy because it was all quite rapid the new info, but I don't think she is a controlling fool of a wife with little judgement!

OP - I hope that things all felt clearer and less fraught today. I'd love to have advice for you, but unfortunately, I dont' think there is any advice to give here to your situation. You clearly have misgivings, but at the same time you say he is a good man so perhaps you need to look to that. Your Dh sounding shifty could be for innocent a reason as wanting to go out for a beer after work, it's true, but in which case I do feel you need to clarify with him what you are comfortable with. And it doesn't matter what works for other people - total freedom vs minute control freakery (which seem to be your only to options apparently ) but it's what works for you and your DH.

Hope all goes well for you and please post, if you can bear to get this far in the thread, as to how you are going.

XH1 used to collect those cards Good cover, huh?

Corrie, I sincerely hope you're not watching your thread - but, if you are, I apologise for those of my posts that have been a bit random (I assumed you'd left). And I'm glad Vicar's still here, injecting common sense.

are we reading the same thread? i read all sorts of horrible insinuations being cast on the OP, that she was controlling and that he probably just wanted a pint....

how does anyone claim to know this???

i agree regarding the gestapo interrogations, but she was suspicious because it sounded as though he had planned to be delayed no matter what....he had laid the foundations in the conversation earlier in the day.

agree completely that talking is the key but seriously, some of the aspersions cast on the Op were unhelpful and cruel given that she clearly needed good advice and support.

sorry my last post was to whatme....

I do agree Vicar, I was too guilty of using what works in my relationship as an example. But I didn't mean to rub the OP's nose in it, more like wanting to show to the OP that it can be the norm, and it doesn't automatically mean he is cheating.

That aside, I do think the main problem they have is communication. If they both sat down and had a discussion, I think a LOT of the issues would be sorted as I don't think either are controlling bastards. Just a lack of communication leading to insecurities and sneaky behaviour which on the cover, don't look well in his favour.

I also have to agree with Whatmeworry, the ones who was causing more damage were the ones stating he is shagging a hooker etc without any actual evidence.

It would appear a lot of women have so much anger towards men going off this thread, and that anger misplaced towards the OP's partner, can affect the OP more than anything else that has been said.

i agree - people do tend to let their own experience colour their opinions, but i was absolutely bemused at the treatment of the op - not from the likes of yourself youvebeen who gave advice based on what works within your own relationship - but from the flippant comments that insinuated all sorts of rubbish, and some of it was unpleasant - i cant see how being horrible to the OP gave anyone any satisfaction what so ever. i dont think the OP deserved this treatment at all.

The root is that OP has a niggle of distrust against her husband.

If it all stems from the card, I would think that's misplaced.

If there's more to it, then I would think she shouldn't ignore that. Somewhere somethings afoot. If everything was all right, then surely dh wouldn't have to lie to get an hour or two to himself for a pint? Somebody is wrong in that scenario - either OP has unrealistic demands, or dh does. Having been a SAHM myself I know only to well the envy you can have against the WOHP with a defined clock off time, and often in tandem a defined me - time entitlement. (which is justified - but for both partners)

If everything is alright, as in OP thinks nothing of a few hours after work pursuing his own interests now and again, then why 'set-up' the time out?

I would do as another poster said...
ask about suicide and then offer to google it to get the "goss" n see his reaction... then ask clearly, do not act angry or upset, "where the hell were you"
Good luck xxx

thats not going to work twinkle. i have attended loads of suicides now and none of them get onto google, or the paper, or the news.

i would not advocate game playing in any case.

There was a few posts which I agreed with, but then felt they completely lost their argument by adding stuff on which was low. I think in situations like this, people go to extremes on both sides, which has definitely been the case on this thread.

The thing is, all we know is that there was a card which he gave a reason for. Whether it was a real masseuse card, or a masseuse aka hooker card, we don't know. Whether his reason is the truth, we don't know.

We know he was late, and appeared to plan to be late anyway. Then gave this story about delays. Some have said it is true from what they know, others claim not. Considering it wasn't reported, it is one of those when you have to sit back really and think it through. Would he of been texting often with updates if he had been otherwise occupied with a hooker? Would it cause him to be 3 hours late? Would he be clever enough to come up with a better story that couldn't be checked up on? Wouldn't he not add to the flames after the OP had already stamped some out by questioning why he would be so late?

All questions can only be answered by her DP. All we can do is speculate and assume. Even every single one of us could of assumed wrong and there be a completely other different reason for it.

The only decent advice that can be given, is to talk to him. Not snoop and spy.

What a bloody horrible thread. It may be in AIBU, but the OP did not deserve to be torn apart, accused of henpecking, controlling, subtly (and not so subtly) pointed out just how much better other peoples relationships are, and how much more healthy it is to do it this way and gosh, how needy you are, how demanding, how paranoid, if I was your DP I'd be running for the hills, SAHM's are so pathetic.

Some of you, and anyone who reads this thread will know who I mean, should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. Tonight I've been on the stamps thread and a blanket thread and felt so proud of MN. After reading this, I feel like this is the nest of vipers we're portrayed as, and I feel ashamed to have felt proud of MN.

well, ice i think you put it much much more eloquently than i did, but i completely agree.

Op if you are still on here, i would post again in relationships - the responses on there are so different and so much more supportive.

This pack of wolves thing happened to me on a thread about my partner. I was at a very low ebb at the time. I got blasted and was so distraught- all I asked for was some advice. I had to ask MNHQ to take it off as I was so upset.
It's a shame really tht we can't all look out for one another and give guidance. Posters need to be very aware that they have no idea what emotional state people are in as the thread becomes more and more opinionated. Sometimes some of you can be a bunch of bitches- I bet you are the ones who pretend everything is great at home when it isn't, you have a go to amek your own lives seem better. I think it's called bullying cunts.