Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

Im sorry to say this... your friend sounds like a tightwad, as everyone else paid their share but she is the only one that didn't.
Ive had this situation with a friend of mine, i always end up subsidising her on nights out-i don't see her much anymore

I don't think a group should insist on splitting the bill this way. It's not difficult to work out approx how much your own consumption comes to then add on 10% tip.

I went out with family a while ago and I decided to drive us all as I was feeling the pinch to save on expensive taxi fares, therefore wasn't drinking. DD was only 15 and had lost her Saturday job. Family all have way more money coming in than I do, so were ordering 3 courses and drinking their heads off and almost insisted on splitting the bill, DD included. I put my foot down on that occasion, although when I know it's swings and roundabouts then I am happy to split the bill.

Maybe your friends were watching the pennies but I agree it was wrong for them to take the tip for themselves. I wouldn't ask them out again.

What are you going to do?

I don't know what to do, I feel a bit silly offering her £20 now. I need to calm down as when I do things in the heat of the moment I generally regret it. I will see her at some point at work, so don't want to make that awkward.

She is of course in the wrong for paying less than what she actually owed (beofre splitting bill and tip).

I have a friend who used to always get her calculator on he phone out, make a point of only ordering tap water etc. She was actually living at home at the time, had a good job etc, but this was just the way she was. With other friends, we have happily split the bill regarding if one of us had a wine or dessert and the other hadn't.

On the other hand, I do think splitting a bill within a large group is tricky. I remember once, when a student we went to an Indian resturant when out with my then boyfriend and his friends during a night out. This wasn't planned and as I had eaten earlier that evening ended up only ordering a starter and diet coke as I wasn't drinking much that night. At the end of the meal they tried to get me to pay £20 when my food and drink only came to £6.00- I refused to pay the extra £14 which they were pissed off about as that was how they 'did it'.

I was rather pissed of to be honest and not willing to pay for their beer vividly remember it all these years later

Do nothing. You have no proof of any of this. For all you know she paid her £80 and one of the others paid less. You are putting a the comments of others and the comments of the waiting staff together and assuming it was her.

You could be wrong so just leave it this time and be more careful splitting the bill next time.

I wouldnt be able to just leave it, you just dont rip off your friends like that I think Zipzap's email is a great idea

I have friends where we split the bill equally and friends where we pay for what we have and both ways are fine as long as everyone is happy and enjoys themselves.

I feel a bit sad reading that some people feel unable to say to friends that they want to pay for what they have had.

essentially they stole the tip as this was left be everyone else in good faith

I agree with Lying.

I think the waitress who "jokingly" complained about the tip [which isn't mandatory] is unprofessional and rude. If he/she was my employee and a representative of my restaurant I would be horrified that they were being so crass and grasping to one of my regular customers and had made the customer feel uncomfortable.
However it seems that the owner is just as bad. To be making these comments about your friend [another of his customers] is also unprofessional and out of line really. It does not reflect well on this establishment imo and would make me a bit really.

But that said, your friend was also out of line in using the tip that the table had agreed to pay to subsidise her dinner. Unless she really felt that £44 was all that was owed and she felt that was about right for what herself and her husband had? Is it possible that she might not have realised that everyone had agreed to pay £40?

missed the update. In that case I would probably never invite her out again.

Dreadful behaviour - she's effectively pocketed the tip everyone else gave.

As for whether the manager should have kept quiet? He's a restaurant manager. Not a priest or a bank manager so no obligation to keep quiet. The op is the regular customer and his loyalty will be to her.

sorry for the late reply, but no i never tip.

my reason is that i don' tip, because they are paid to do a job and imo they should be doing that job well regarless of tips or not. I don't tip the recycling men (and yes they are all men) for picking up my recycling, i don't tip the refuse collectors, i don't tip the staff in tesco who kindly offer to pack my shopping.

there are many many services that people who do jobs for you don't tip for, why is this diffrent in a resturant.

kids work in McDonalds and they are not tip'd either

I don't see anything wrong with only paying for what you order when out as a group. What about people in the group who do not have as bigger income and therefore can only afford what they have ordered? Why should they pay for someone else's starter/main/desert who have no problem paying for it?

Also, you might get a well off person ordering the cheapest item on the menu, but why should they pay for someone else's meal?

Call me a tightwad, but I'm that person who has my calculator out on my phone.

Yes, but he is making suppositions about which one of his customers, OPs friends, had neglected to pay a tip and then he said that the staff had been talking about it after. This is indiscreet and a breach of sensitivity and good manners in my eyes.

I personally always feel uncomfortable when I am consulting someone in a professional position and they speak badly of one of their other paying customers, whether this be a doctor, restaurant owner, hairdresser, whatever.

It makes me wonder what they might say about me to someone else and this makes me feel uneasy.

It just seems strange that the restaurant owner feels it is appropriate to speculate with a customer as to why one of their guests did not pay a tip. I do not feel this is tactful or good business.

I agree that effectively taking the tip is not on. However, I have been out with friends when money has been tight and just ordered a main and a soft drink, while they have had 3 courses and wine. Someone said that if you can't afford it then don't go out. Why should I miss out on an evening out with friends just because I can't afford as much as them? I can still go out with them but stick within a budget.

Awful friend. I wouldn't bring it up now but I wouldn't continue my friendship. Her behaviour was petty, dishonest and .. just depressing, actually.

"Yes my husband went up to pay for me and him, they all went up to the cash desk and put took it in turns to pay, either cash or put their cards in the machine as the total went down, she went last and the bill was then at £44, she should have paid £80 which would allow the £36 tip, but she paid £44."

Why should only ONE friend be lumbered with all the tip?

Clearly everybody should pay 44 (rather than 40) to allow for tip, which is what she did?

No everyone paid 40 a head. She should have paid 80 for herself and her husband and only paid 44 thereby using the 36 excess towards her own bill and meaning everyone paid extra but there was no tip. Allegedly.

AH, I get it now.

It wasn't nice of your friend to do this, but if she wasn't expecting to split the bill, she may not have the money to pay the extra. DP & I went out with his colleagues (he's not been working there long) and we were very, very careful (walked there & back, main course only, bought our drinks at the bar) so we knew we hadn't added more than £30 to the bill between us. At the end of the meal 'It's £37 each, guys!'. DP & I had £50 cash between us, £15 in his account, £10 in mine. Luckily we both bank with HSBC so I was able to transfer £10 instantly to his account via phone banking, and he then ran to the nearest cash point to get the money.

We didn't know his colleagues well enough to feel able to say 'Actually, we'll pay for what we had as we're utterly skint, and this is a really rare night out for us.'

iceland, I had a similar experience. Went out with 4 girlfriends, and ONE opted for a starter that cost £30. I did not have a started, find Thai food really quite filling without it. Naturally, this friend suggested we just split the bill in 5....

I felt bad when my friend said she was aghast at the bill which is why I offered her £20 as I did not want her to feel ripped off.

But as the whole paying lady business emerged later, I feel a bit stupid now, and will def feel awkward when I next see her.

With regards the manager, I don't think he was being indiscreet, after all we asked him otherwise he wouldnt have said anything. And the teen might have just wanted me to know we'd been ripped off.

*paying last not lady!!

We had all had drinks around my house first, to the tune of three bottles of wine I supplied, and I bought two rounds of drinks afterwards for everyone as my DH had paid for me, so I think her and her hubby did quite well for £22 each.

A little wake up call to anyone who thinks staff wont talk about you after you're gone, I'm afraid you're wrong, especially if you were obviously cheating them out of a tip. They'll actually talk about you for much less.

I think its ok for the manager to have told his regular customers that one of their party had effectively stolen from then, although he may have been a little indiscreet to mention that they had been the topic of conversation amongst the staff for that evening.

As for splitting the bill though, I don't think its difficult to do a rough calculation of what you've each had and put that in plus a couple of quid tip on top. It depends what group of people I am out with though, and whilst i would be quite happy to split the bill equally I am always aware if someone isn't drinking or only has one course and suggest that they should pay less, even if its not because they are a bit skint I think its just quite rude to expect someone else to pay for what you have eaten and drank.