Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

My experience of this has been at mums'nights out/lunches over the past 20 years. I seem to be the organiser because I "am good at that sort of thing!

I am generally the person who eats least and spends most in this scenario. I have also been in the situation where someone has left in a rush and thrown down a tenner saying "that should cover it" (it never does). I once paid £30 as my pro rata contribution to a drinks bill having only had sparkling water all night.

Sometimes I think people who seem better off than me possibly aren't so what I have done if the numbers are large-six plus-is to ask the restaurant for a fixed price menu.I have never had a problem with this If needs be I can get the deposit in advance and people can pre order. Everyone then pays for their own drinks or shares the cost of wine.

This probably makes me sound like a micro manager. Honestly I am great fun and I can relax knowing that I have enough money in my purse to pay my share.

Massive x-posts!

True - if everyone is happy to split the bill, then you should split it and not take advantage by either putting in less or not paying your share if you pay by card at the end.

I think communication is needed.

(This happened to me once - someone left and said they'd pay their share to the restaurant on card when they left and never did)

@Believeinpink. You say you think people should stay in if they can't afford to split the bill. Do you really mean that if you had a good friend who earnt less than you, and could only afford a night out by choosing as cheaply as possible, you'd rather not see him or her, rather than accept that he or she will not be able to subsidise your meal ?

besmirched - agreed - I got distracted from the overall point of the thread! Not arguing that the OP should have done anything different, just that in principle, splitting according to what you had is perfectly acceptable and not at all rude/embarrassing.

It would really upset me if someone felt they could not afford to come out because people expected to split the bill rather than pay what they actually spent.

And why should the onus be on the person who is on a budget to say that they are hard up?

It's actually probably more embarassing for them to have to say "Do you mind if we don't split it as I'm a bit hard up?"

And I would never expect someone who is hard up to subsidise my meal nor would I expect not to order what I wanted because I was aware that if the bill was to be split, I would be making it more expensive.

If it's a big night out and we all had similar stuff, then fair enough - but I do think the onus is on everyone in the group to realise that some people are budget conscious (and not tight arses which is a spiteful term to call someone who struggles with money)

What is wrong with some people?

Surely you look at the total, know how much you ate and put in a bit more or less depending what you had? It's fairly basic maths, and hardly one of life's great philosophical mysteries.

Have only ever done this, and there's always been extra left over. Depending on where we are that pays for drinks at the bar or an extra tip

I said tightarse in reference to the people who order loads on purpose once an agreement has been made to split the bill.

Sorry if I sounded mean. :)

kickassangel - Agreed. We have never found it difficult to give rough totals. Its just basic maths, like when you are in a shop and buying a few different things and you add the prices together so you know the cost!

Well if you can't be honest with your own friends if your a bit skint who can you tell? If your relying in other people to notice they might not!

I'd send an email to all present and say that you'd been really embarrassed as when you were talking to your friend's dc who was on the waiting staff, saying you'd had a lovely evening and they'd all served you so well, that's why you left a nice tip, he'd been embarrassed to say that actually we hadnt left a tip.

And then go on to ask everyone to double check their receipts for the evening so that it can be rectified as you feel guilty that having had such good service and the fact you were the organiser of the trip you feel really embarrassed, not least as you thought everybody had been happy to split when asked and that you would have much preferred people said if they didn't want to split the bill up rather than walk out knowing that they must have paid significantly less than their meal cost, let alone putting in a tip, and let everybody else leave the restaurant thinking a tip had been paid.

Talk to your other friends separately (sounds like you know them better and well enough to talk to them about it) and hopefully they'll all email back that their receipt says £80...

And then sit back and see what the other couple say :o [evil passive aggressive smiley]

^^ this.

Please do it.

God thats awful of your friend. I say that as someone who doesnt agree with tipping (and have worked for years as a waitress) , what a mean and tightfisted thing to do.
If it was that big of a deal she should have said at the time , not stole the tip from the staff.

Apologies if I've missed something but it's not clear to me how you know it was definitely her that skimped on the full payment? Isn't it possible someone else only paid £44 and that she put in the £80. Even if she paid last she could have paid £80 if someone else hadn't paid enough?

Yes I was assuming that she did that, mainly because of her reaction to the bill, and the way she has ignored my email offering her some money back. I was wrong to make assumptions based on a gut feeling - but she did do it.

We have just come back from the restaurant, DH said to the owner that he thought there had been a mistake splitting the bill when we had my birthday dinner, and was there anyway he could check back. The owner said he wouldn't have to, he knew what had happened - my friend, wearing the had made a big song and dance about paying last, hunting for purse, emptying contents of bag etc. so by the time she paid everyone else had gone, and just took the bill down to zero instead of -£36 for tip.

The owner said it is nothing new, but they were talking about it amongst staff as it was so obvious what she had did. I guess some of you will say he is indiscreet, but we go there quite a lot, so I suppose we sort of know him. He asked what made me think that, so I just said something someone else said - I didn't want to drop the waitress in it.

I gave him the £20, he said there was no need but I said we wanted to as the service had been so good, and the waiting staff were so friendly and helpful, which really made the night, and to make sure the staff working that night got it.

I feel quite embarrassed for her, I'm not sure what I will do now. Best to think about it and not do anything whilst I am feeling quite annoyed by the whole thing.

Shame the thieving cow. Tell her the Restaurant manager told you what happenned and ask her what she has to say for herself....

Unbelievable!

Ignore me. I've just read the thread back and seen that you don't know for sure that it was her.

I don´t think she would be ashamed.

Probably say it was a misunderstanding as she thought the tip was included...

Oh x-post.

Oooh, what a cow she is.

I would go nuclear on her, knowing that.

Actually, I would probably just never, ever bother getting in touch with her ever again.

If waiters wages were bumped up and in line with other jobs where you work unsociable hours, on feet for 9 hours at a time, no breaks etc the prices on the menu would probably double and you wouldn't be able to afford to eat there. Maybe it's worth it to tip!

cheeky cah

Also 'unsocial, mooching, duplicitous tight arses'

Kirsty - no I did not say "people should stay in" at all. I said I wouldn't go out of I couldn't afford it.

And if a friend was broke, and told me so, I would either off them round to mine for a takeaway (on me as I'm the host) or we would go somewhere cheap.

You're muddying the waters. The person in the OP didn't come to the table saying "sorry, I'm a bit broke, can I pay for what I eat?" in which case I would not have a problem at all. The person in the OP seems to have just royally taken the piss. Out of everyone at the table who paid more, and out of the staff.

There's a difference. Please don't insinuate I'm not a good friend because I don't like tightness. In the rich or the poor, by the way. People who are broke are not usually the ones to be tight in my experience. In fact if I was down to my last fiver I would offer someone a drink. I've known millionaires to be tighter than a duck's arse. It's not attractive in a person.

Regardless though, the OP has said that her bill came to £60. By paying £44, even if she doesn't agree with tipping she has underpaid by £16, therefore stealing £2+ from her other 7 friends (not including her partner) who hqve presumably agreed to paying the tip. I've had people not want to pay a tip and I'd be more than happy for them to pay their fair share of the bill and leave it at that. But this woman has deliberately ripped off her friends, similar to that which my friend did, albeit by a couple of quid, but she still did do it.

If she'd at least paid her fair share of the bill, some tip would have been left. She has stolen money from her friends.

You're right, OP. Horribly indiscreet. Your friend is a thief and you're happily gossiping about her with the restaurant owner, which is terribly bad form of him as a 'professional'.

This is one of the reasons I love going to "all you can eat for £20" type of places if it is a big group of us... and then everyone gets their own drinks.. so no quibble over the bill at the end.

I usually only drink water with a meal, or half a lager.. my husband doesnt really drink much with a meal either, but we have friends who can knock back at least half a dozen JD and cokes while we eat.. and a DIL who can only drink cocktails (apparently )..

I do have an american friend who uses his calculator on his phone to work out what everyone owes.. now THAT is embarassing!!