Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

We generally split evenly, if everyone has had the same number of courses, etc., but if someone only has a main course, then they pay less. Same if folks aren't drinking. We do rough calculations to the nearest fiver or so. I was out of work for nearly a year, and in that time, my friends understood that I would just have one thing, and tap water, but I generally emailed first to say - it's somehow easier.

I've also been on the other side - waitressed my way through Uni and round the world, and some folks leave a tip, some don't. Actually, groups are the worst, generally, because often they work out to the dot - especially if it's a set menu.... Which is fine, if they think a tip isn't warranted.

I was recently the maid of honour, and therefore organiser, of a friend's hen do meal. I paid for the fixed price cost of the meals, and got all the money back. However, my card was the guarantor for the evening, and some people put drinks on the table, and never paid for them. There were 28 people there, and some folks didn't own up, and I ended up with footing a drinks bill of £72, when I had 2 glasses of wine in the restaurant (too busy organising, etc.) I have no idea who these drinks belonged to - no-one owned up, and I ended up paying for them. I learned a lesson there....

It's the equivilant of leaving the cash tip on the bill and her taking and pocketing it. I'd be fuming.

anitablake is spot on - if your bill adding up is right op
She and her DH had a sixty quid bill but only paid 44 - so didn't even pay what they owed. You subsidised them to the tune of 16 quid. And the waiters got zilch.

Ridiculous.

No wonder she hasn't responded to your email. I personally would email her
again saying that having been back to the restaurant for a meal (even if you haven't) the waiter asked if there was something wrong the last time and that you know no tip was paid.

That you have put in the extra twenty quid but she still owes you 16 to pass on as agreed but in her case to pay for their share of what they actually consumed.

Whether this makes it morw awkward or not next time you see her is irrelevant, it's going to be awkward anyway.

This reminds me of a scenario I experienced where 3 very good friends came to visit when I was heavily pregnant with DC2. DH was working lates so it was just my three childless friends plus DS (2 yo) and I. The girls suggested ordering Pizza Hut to save me any cooking trouble. The bill came to about £40 and I paid for delivery online using debit card, friend X was collecting the tenners from the others to give to me. All fine and dandy, had a good chat, food etc. Didn't think of it until the next morning but I didn't see the money, I guessed they had forgotten to give it to me before they left. Got in touch with friend X, who said she left it on the mantelpiece. Other two friends swore blind that they never saw her put it there, and said that friend X had taken the money into the kitchen to give to me.

A really sad situation as all of us were very close, I do suspect it was friend X as i'd lent money to her years before which i did not get back, i ended up writing it off as she was jobless and hard up and I was a little bit better off. Like I say she was a good friend. I suspect she thought I was a soft touch. And I guess I am as I didn't really say anything. Very sad.. One close friend ended up going home £30 richer plus a free pizza, at my expense.

I agree, that this is unreasonable. No problem with people paying for what they eat/drink, or even with no tips. It is the dishonesty that is the problem.

And, whilst I agree that tips shouldn't be essential, I do tip not only in restaurants but refuse collectors/post men/women sometimes.

I'm not at all well off, but living in West of Scotland, it's not at all unusual (for working clas people) to do this.

Wow. Your friend sounds like a tight arse.
It doesn't matter how you split a bill (personally, I've usually been in the 'split it evenly' camp, even when I was pregnant, although I was skint for about a year and I would say very clearly at the beginning of the meal that I could only pay for what I ate and drank) as long as you stick to what was agreed.

I wouldn't mention anything. Just take it as a life lesson. Don't 100% judge her on this, she may have her reasons.

(Oh and BTW - we always chip in extra money for the birthday girl whenever we go out so she doesn't have to pay for her meal. Swings and roundabouts)

If one of my friends had done this, I wouldn't think they had done it on purpose

Are you sure she didn't get confused/ it was a genuine mistake?

Had she had a bit to drink? Maybe not taking too much notice of the conversation about the bill/tip?

bejeezus, OP said friend had one glass wine, her husband had a lot more.

I think it's often the people who eat and drink more who want to split the bill equally. When I was a trainee with little £, I deliberately chose the cheapest main course and one soft drink and I would have preferred to pay for my own food, but didn't have the confidence to speak up in case people thought I was being mean. I wasn't in a position to subsidise other people's food, so I wasn't able to go out often

I don't think it's so difficult to pay your own share, if people are honest and fair. I can see it's difficult to keep track of the amount of booze as you go along. I like the idea of a set menu for food

It's not always do easy to ask to pay your own share if you are with a group of people you don't know. I remember as a student going to visit a friend from school, it cost me £15 on the train and when I got there she had a massive night planned. Big meal out with loads of people I'd never met, no discussiOn about bills before we ordered. I had only a main, while others had starter and pudding. When the bill came everyone was agreeing to split it and as I didn't know them I'd have felt a right tightwad insisting to pay my own share.

Then we went to a club where a famous DJ was supposed to be playing, £15 to get in and then he didn't even turn up and there was no refund.

I was fuming about the whole night. I was a student so totally skint and ended up spending the best part of £100.

I just paid up though, I wouldn't have dreamed of doing what your friend did though, that's really tight.

I have found that too redwineformethanks.
The whole splitting the bill thing is great when there isn't a big gulf in the difference between individual bills. It is horrible for people to have to speak up when when they are put in the position of having to pay double for their meals or feel ripped off.
I am always a bit at people who happily split the bill equally knowing that they spent way more than the split amount knowing and that others are subsidising them, especially if those others are on a much tighter budget. I always do a rough calculation of what my meal/drinks cost and speak up if I think I had had more than the split saying I am putting in extra to cover that, and suggest that the person who had definitely had less pays less.
The OPs friends was definitely unreasonable though.

She shouldn't have agreed to split the bill, although it is difficult to speak up in a group situation and not look tight.
She's effectively stolen the tip you left. Don't feel guilty about calling her on it.

Put it down to experience and if there's a next time, pay individually. Or make sure she's not last and you let the waiting staff know you've left them the tip.

"I think it's often the people who eat and drink more who want to split the bill equally. "

I was fuming once when my dh agreed to split the bill evenly when his mate suggested it, after 8 of us had been out for a meal.

Me and husband, our two kids, mate and wife with their two kids.

Our kids had the children's menu, £4,99 including drinks and one scoop of ice cream. Their kids had adult potions and huge milk shakes, plus pudding. Mate and wife had lots of side dishes, and beer. DH and I had a salad each and sparkling water.

I agree with KatieMiddleton; restuarant staff don't agree to confidentiallity agreements. If you don't want to be gossiped about, don't behave badly. The manager was asked a question and answered truthfully. As for staff talking about it, although the manager said it was 'nothing new', it IS scandalous. The teenager waiting staff telling OP was a "bit miserable not leaving a tip" was impudent. At least the situation came to light and her loyalty is to OP.

I think offering £20 has made the situation more awkward. I would email and say that you went out for dinner at the same restaurant at the weekend. State that you are aware your friend was the last person to pay the bill and ask her if there was a problem. This gives her a chance to 'fess up. I would then categorise her as a work friend and no more.

If the situation crops up again with the same friend/couple, I would insist on separate bills before we eat. This is what I intend to do if the situation with my mooching acquaintances happens again.

Maybe it is about time that the practice of tipping came to an end. And restaurants charged for the meal appropriately. Then it would stop all this business of whether to tip or not and how much to leave. I don't like the 10% added on service charge either. If it is waiter service then the cost of that should be included in the meal price. I think a £36 tip is far too much.

£36 is only £4 per person and is around the normal 10%.

It is peculiar that tipping is only the norm for some of the service industry. I never tip in fast food restaurants, weddings/formal parties, small parcel delivery staff, etc. As tipping is normal, I am not sure how it would stop.

If someone says at the beginning of the meal that they wish to pay for what they eat that's one thing, but to wait until the end and do what the person in the OP did, that's terrible.

I wouldn't eat out with that person again - ever!
I would tip the teen who waited on you via the restuarant so their employer knows you have corrected a wrong and it was not a reflection on the employees service. Would do the tipping when the teen is working there too so no further confusions or embarrasment.
I always end up paying more for my share as I don't have much money (not in the same earning bracket as a lot of our freinds) so when socialising to keep the bill down as much as possible I order the cheaper meals and no starter or if a friend wants to I will share a starter, but that's just part of enjoying an evening out with friends. I don't always go to dinner with friends but do try to budget for the next time a dinner is planned as I like our friends.

I am utterly at some of the behaviour that people on this thread have witnessed/experienced. Stealing the money for shared pizza? Stealing the tips for the waiting staff? Who does this sort of thing and thinks it's OK?

The debates around tipping are somewhat irrelevant imho. Regardless of what people personally believe about them, it was jointly agreed that a 10% tip would be paid by all. The couple could have said that they didn't want to tip and weren't going to pay their additional £8 that would have been appropriate, to filch the money is not.

OP I can't believe they were drinking your wine as well and sleeping at your house. Bet they didn't bring a hostess gift!

When do you next work with her?

Finally made it through the thread!

I think that woman is fucking outrageous. It means every one else effectively paid for her meal or her husbands meal.

I would have to say something, but I'd probably do it sneakily, I'd send her an email or if you see her regularly say the waitress mentioned the lack of a tip which makes no sense based on the agreement about the bill do you were going to go to the restaurant and see who paid what to find out who stole. If she didn't say anything at that point I would come back and say I found out its her and probably rather than being accusatory/angry I would say am very hurt etc.

Guilt trip the cow, although I doubt she gives a shit. How brazen can you get. I'd be bloody furious if I was you.

How rude!

If I were you the next time I see her I would say something along the lines of "you really must let me give you back £20 from my birthday meal, I feel just awful about how much you over paid when you didn't drink"
See what she says.

Then regardless of what excuses she makes, (because I really hope she wouldn't be tacky enough to actually accept it) you should say something like "Ok then, shall I just give it to the waiting staff to cover everyones tips that you stole?"

And never EVER go out with her ever again!

Someone I work with had a bit of a habit of doing a very similar thing to this, although it was lunch times and the sums involved were much smaller. Between £5 and £7 lunch menu items usually between 5 and 8 of us went out.

We all usually preordered our meals so knew the individual cost and bought drinks at the bar. At the end we throw in our money with a bit rounded up/ added on for tip, probably 50p to £1 each on average. So tips were usually £3 to £5.

One person regularly used to say "oh I've got no cash, I know I will take the cash you've put on the table and put the bill on my card and it will save me going to the cash point" .

One time one of my colleagues was a bit slower than the rest of us leaving and witnessed this person just paying the total of the bill. This meant their net cost of the meal was the shortfall between the money put in to cover our meals plus tip money and the balance of the bill. By doing this they were using our tip money to subsidise their meal.

I (and the rest of my colleagues) strongly suspect this was a regular thing as this happened nearly every time we went out. In addition they were usually very careful with money and we had been surprised they were so keen to come to lunch with us so regularly. Obviously we all had thought up till then it had been our scintillating company team bonding opportunity, But no it was a nearly free pub lunch.

I admit we did discuss it between ourselves and the very next time we went out most of us "didn't have any cash either" so paid our own bills ourselves.

Funnily enough since then they haven't come out with us to lunch.

This has happened to me once or twice - with the same people.

One couple in the group said they wouldn't chip in but would pay the service (which was about the same as the meal @ 10%). Then insisted on collecting everyone's cash and paying the bill with their card. Later found out they didn't leave the tip and had paid nothing themselves.

I can't believe they were so low. They're quite wealthy now though.