Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

I have this problem all the time as I often do the arranging. With family and close friends we usually split the bill esepcially if we are all drinking but if it is a big group of friends then its a bit unfair.

I organised a meal at a fairly expensive restaurant for my friends 40th birthday and a few people said they can only afford to come if they pay for their own meal as they won't drink etc so I said of course thats fine. I put together lovely menu cards with the amounts of everyones prebooked meals then a space for them to write in any extras so we weren't short on the bill.

The 2 people that drank a £26 bottle of wine each plus the most expensive 3 course choice still decided they would try to split the bill making it £40 each. There's actually came to £68 each. They made a big fuss and still only put in £40 each so I ended up forking out as was so embarrassed for my friend as it was meant to be a special birthday meal.

I was so cross as both these ladies are loaded and I just thought they were rude and tight! It has put me off organising anything for anyone again TBH.

Splitting food is one thing but splitting peoples wine/drinks is another especially for the designated drivers.

She's been so cheeky! If she had a problem with the bill, she should have raised it there and then, her actions are actually more like theft. Anyway, she paid only £44 for the two of them and she's still complaining about the cost?

Actually, what needs to be made clear here is that your friend has actually stolen from you.

What kind of friend does that?

I can't stand tight people. Why do tight people always have generous friends? They should hang out with other tightwads getting their calculators out at the end of a meal.

Having said that, I think the maths might have been wrong.

That's really bad. I am a passive aggressive cow, so I'd email her:
Sorry about the earlier email. I was under the impression that you'd paid £40 a head like the other guests, as agreed. I will be paying the tip to the waiting staff, as this was what we had agreed as a group.

I am a bitch

If a big group has a meal that's the way it goes - there's always going to be some that drink their own body weight and take advantage and others that feel hard done by.

But nicking the tip isn't on. If they were that disgrunted they could have said at the time.

I don´t agree with what she did-but also-did the restaurant know that you wanted to pay 360GBP?

Otherwise, how did she know what was left to pay only pay that?

You should give the £20 you offered to your friend to the waiting staff. Then contact your friend and explain what you have done, and tell her why this is why you wont be inviting her to any more events.

If she can't be upfront and honest she is not a friend, she is a cling-on.

Even if she was theoretically "correct" in that she was initially subsidising the table (and on a split bill, someone always does, but I tend to see it as swings and roundabouts), her contribution was still more than £4 so she was still being very dishonest/ sneaky.

I have had this happen before when I've offered to collect/sort out the money at the table- everyone swears they are right and don't need change, but there's too much there. I take the view that I still add the correct contribution (i.e. same as everyone else) and the benefit is to the staff. It's never right to just balance to the total, unless of course, service is already included, and you then hand out the difference between everyone else.

diddl they didn't. The restaurant thought it was £324 so when the friend went up to pay, they balanced to that, instead of the privately agreed total of £360. So what the "friend" should have done was say "oh no, ours is £80, and the extra £36 is the tip"

Diddl, I suspect it was just announced "oh it's £360", and then everyone discussed how the bill was to be split. She got a pretty good deal, £44 for two meals plus drink?!

That is really creepy, no way would I see her again, and would also tell her what I thought of her meanness.

Unbelievable! how disgraceful of your friend.

If she had a problem with the agreed £40 each she should have said loudly and clearly at the table "actually I'd prefer if we paid for what we had" (and heard the associated groans), not privately decided that she was the only one who should pay less.

Generally in these situations (where some have had more than others) if you are with friends - you know, people who like each other - one of the drinkers might say "lets' make it £45 for the drinkers and £35 for the non-drinkers" or similar.

I wouldn't say anything but think twice about going out with her again.

Always a difficult one, I remember going out with a group of parents from our DDs reception class for the first time. I was pg so had a soda water, my DH drank 3 beers and then we left early as we had a previous dinner arrangement with my mum. Offered to leave some money but the woman who organised it said she would sort it all out the next day.

Got an email the next day telling us we owed £54!! They had all ordered loads of food & drinks after we left & split the bill!

Your friend sounds a bit sly, she obviously knew what she was doing and whilst I appreciate sometimes one can get a bit shafted in these situations that's no excuse for taking the tip and not telling anyone!!

"Generally in these situations (where some have had more than others) if you are with friends - you know, people who like each other - one of the drinkers might say "lets' make it £45 for the drinkers and £35 for the non-drinkers" or similar."

Yes, that´s a good idea.

I do agree that splitting a bill is much easier than itemising.

But as a couple of non drinkers it is hard sometimes to not feel hard done to, but to not want to cause a fuss by saying "can we pay less, please?"

Since you've already emailed her to offer money, then I think you should definitely email her again and tell her that you are aware of what happened. Say it as nicely as possible so you make her feel as guilty as possible .

Does she have form for this? Are they less well-off than the rest of you? Did her husband drink as much as some of the other couples put together?

After being a broke student and having someone being rather mean to when I refused to split a bill once ( I'd purposely had one cheap course and no booze to save), I always make sure I offer those who've obviously had a lot less the option to then pay less. Noone ever takes me up on it, but it should stop ridiculous behaviour like this.

They were bloody rude and should be ashamed of themselves. If they didn't have the guts to be honest and say they felt it was unfair, how did they have the brassneck cheek to nick the bloody tip?!

The restaurant may have taken the tip but then not given it to the waiting staff. Was it the same staff taking the money that served you?

Does anyone here know what a "Bodmin" is?????

If they paid with a card the restaurant may have kept the tip.

Usually there is a few words at the end of the meal, when people decide between them how much tip to leave. And if people who didn't have wine, starters and so on pay less. It's usually easier to split the bill evenly if people are all good friends. But I think it's best not left as unclear as this.

Still don't understand if the Bill came to £360 and there was nine people how that would allow for a tip if everybody paid £40 each. I'll go back and read the entire thread again.

The £360 included the tip.

I don't think she is skint, she earns more than me and her husband is working. We offered up for them to stay here as they live an hour away so they could both have a drink.

We did say when we sat down at the start of the evening with the menus, "what does everyone want to do, shall we keep tabs of our own meal, or split it at the end?" and everyone was happy to split.

We had five bottle of wine, and she only had one glass, so I guess she would have been subsidising our wine which is why I felt guilty when I heard she looked aghast. That was before the bill was paid, so she didn't complain afterwards. I guess as she was last paying, and when they said how much was left to pay, she couldn't resist just paying that.