Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

I do think that spitting the bill equally can be unfair at times.
I als think that people will often make sure they get their money's worth if they know the bill will be split.
Although op your friend was out of order.

Haven't read every post in this thread - but I think I'm probably the only person who takes a different view of this.

While what the woman did was obviously out of order, it was a while ago - and I think it is the height of bad manners to remind her of it much later.

Just pay more attention if you are in the same situation again.

Cannot believe the apparent malice behind some of these posts. The poor woman is not a thief. Misguided, mean-spirited maybe - but the best thing you can do is put it behind you and don't mention it again.

Otherwise you come across as churlish.

We once took FIL & his wife out for a meal, including drinks. The bill came to around £160 or so for the 4 of us so FIL said he'd take care of the tip. DH went to pay the bill on our card & I went to the loo. When I came back to the table FIL had left 50p as a tip. We were absolutely mortified & left extra money. FIL honestly thought what he'd left was enough & the staff would be 'grateful' for it.

Ugh, we have friends who do this, but as we like them so much we keep going for meals with them, trying ever more ways to split the bill so everyone is happy. Each time we end up subsidising them.

The most recent time, we went out with the couple and his sister, the sister didn't want her side dish so offered it around, DP and I had some. When the bill came, worked out roughly that it came to £35 for me and DP and £35 for the 3 of them (different drinks) including a £5 ish tip. They made a fuss about the shared side dish, so I chucked in £5 for that (it was £3). Only afterwards did DP tell me that the male half of the couple had paid on card, the exact amount, effectively stealing our tip. The service was excellent, but this guy just hates tipping. So they got a £35 meal for about £25.

I have been a waitress, it is horrid when people don't tip when you've worked hard, I was so embarrassed. But, what can you do when it's good friends?!

I do think there is an element of thievery if you take other peoples money that isn't intended for you and use it for yourself.

Set menus. It's the only way to go for big groups IF you know there are some meanies or people with wildly different budgets. At least then everyone knows they will be paying X a head and those who have wine or anything extra have to pay for it.

I find tightwads like this very irritating. DH and I had a friend who, at the end of a meal would say "but I only had the tomato soup (or similar)", despite the fact he had drunk his own bodyweight in alcohol.

I can't believe that so many people do this. When my (now ex) friend used to steal the tip, i wised up and would make sure I took enough cash and plenty of change for the meal. Then I'd just put the exact amount on the table for the meal, and then only after ex friend put her money down, I would then produce my share of the tip and ask her to put her tip down too. Then I would take the money up to the counter to ensure my tip wasn't stolen on the way.

Splitting the bill works best if everyone eats roughly the same. I don't think people always try to get their money's worth if the bill is split - in my case, I'm very careful not to order the most expensive main course and if nobody else is having a dessert I don't have one either. Also, soft drinks can be quite expensive too, so it's not always the alcohol drinkers who are bumping up the bill.

OP - I agree with those who think your friend stole from you. It would change the friendship for me, unless they were able to offer some kind of credible explanation or even a sincere apology.

George she stole from her friends. Her own bill came to £60 and she paid £44, using £16 of the tip money to cover her own and DH's bill.

I am genuinely a bit at this. I know splitting bills isn't to everyone's taste and that's fine but when it has been agreed up front - tough! If I was genuinely unhappy (has never happened yet) I would say to people, "Sorry, we didn't have any booxe, we'll just pay for our meals and tip thanks." I certainly wouldn't steal from my friends who generously put in extra money for the tip

I think OP the moral is avoid going out socially with this woman again. She probably has a right guilty conscience now when you offered her the money :o

And when I say her own bill, I mean even if she and DH only paid for their actual food, instead of splitting bill. Everyone else agreed to pay a split share and she did too at start.

I don't think anyone is a "good friend" if they take advantage of you - no matter how much you enjoy their company. I wonder how often you would still see them if you started to only pay for what you had and not subsidize them.......

Please please please op - email and tell get that you assessed how much her meal was and that she paid £16 short of her meal and could you have that back - but tell her not tonworry about the tip as you gave the staff twenty pounds but that you would appreciate it if she could get the £16 she owes as it really isn't fair that others subsidised her meal.

Please do this and update us?! Please!

Georgeeliot - read the bloody thread before you spout off. The woman stole £16 of the other people's money to pay for her meal

I did read it PBW and I don't think it is stealing - would you report her to the police????

Bad manners, unfair, yes, but not stealing.

Of course it's stealing - she's getting her friends' tips to cover the partial cost of her meal.
She's taken money that was meant for the waiting staff.
I couldn't be friends with someone like that, or excuse it as they're a good laugh normally etc.

It's a rotten thing to do.
I wouldn't report her to the police, but I wouldn't be friends.

I wouldn't report such a petty matter to the Police.

Stealing - given to or characterized by theft.

Sorry all, no update yet. I went to a work meeting today that I thought she would be at, but she wasn't there. Nothing sinister though, if we get priority meetings we don't always go to these meetings.

I've got to be honest, I just don't know what to do about it. I feel embarrased - for her regarding her behaviour and me for offering that £20, I feel really stupid now.

Well I think they were a bit mean not to pay for the OP's birthday dinner. If we go out with a group of friends and it's one of their birthdays they do not pay because that's their present. But hey ho. Happy (belated) birthday OP!

I had the opposite recently, 15 mums out together, bill came, out came the calculators and we counted everything up and worked out a fair tip.

I don't drink. It's tough on me most of the time, I not only have to subsidise but then have to drive home drunken people.

You've no reason to be embarrassed OP!

We went out for lunch with friends for my birthday. There were 10 adults and 3 children (2 of whom are mine) so we just added up the cost of what we all had individually and paid for ourselves.
When we go out with just adults, we trust each other not to take the piss like the OP's colleague.

I'm equally shocked that she left your house in the morning before you got up! Did you know they wanted to leave early? if so, didn't you want to get up to say good bye? even worse if they just left without saying anything..