Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

Because that's what some people do just to remember they have a social life.

A risotto and a glass of water. But they are there remembering that although life is not easy financially, they can still have a nice time out in other people's company.

I agree with enimmead, which is why me and my friends just work out how much we owe. People may think that's scruffy, I couldn't care less

Some of our friends have less money so might chose to go with a cheaper set menu, why should they suffer because someone else wants the more expensive things.

BUT that's not what the woman in this situation has done though, shes been an idiot.

Restaurants can longer pay less than minimum wage, also not all o them hand over the service charge to employees.

I would prefer to chose if I tip and how much - I don't intend to pay a 12.5% tax in an already pricey restaurant for crap service or being made to wait over an hour for starter - both of which have happened.
m.guardian.co.uk/money/2009/jun/07/waiters-tips-restaurants-minimum-wage?cat=money&type=article

Every group is different and I don't mind as long as I'm told at the beginning of a meal.

I've been out with dps friends who drink like pigs and argue over who had what at the end.

I'd rather people said, I'll pay for my own food at the start rather than act like dickheads when the bill comes.

When I was pregnant I appreciated peoria offering me a bit off when I'd only had a coke.

With friends, we usually just split but then reduce for the non drinkers. Hard one. I'd let this go but be clear next time.

I don't think it matters what you do but it helps people to know what they're in for.

"I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all."

How do you know this? Anyone beforehand could have paid less than the amount owed, the 'friend' paying last may have paid what was owing which could have been £80?

Anyone else think the teenager was a bit out of order about mentioning the tip. If I was the owner of the restuarant I wouldn't be very happy if employees were complaining to customers about the tip even if they did know them.

Luckily - none of my friends (bar one) are dickheads. Everyone knows what they've had - people who've shared wine work that out and somehow the right amount give or take seems to appear at the end.

Then of course, there's always one person who pays a bit on their card.

I'm from Yorkshire - it just seems part of our culture up here :)

I don't mind your way at all. My friends have similar budgets do we just tend to split but if someone is a bit skint they will say and I'm fine with that.

Dps friends will order next to no food then drink lots of wine and moan they had no starter!

If you agree to split first they order huge steaks!

I won't eat with them any more!!!

If your friend was mine she wouldn't be my friend any longer!!!

I often go out for a meal with between 10 and 12 women.
Our understanding is that we ALWAYS split the bill evenly no matter what as it is often swings and roundabouts.
However a new person joined us on our March meal out and she insisted that we still split the bill but I paid less because I wasn't drinking.
I told her I honestly didn't give two hoots and the non alcohol drinks weren't that much cheaper than the alcohol ones that everyone else was having. She went on and on about it but it was a pain.

I could put up with someone being a nuisacance but trying to be kind like that. I couldn't however put up with your rubbish friend.

I do, Mary

Haven't read all the replies, but this is a very common problem to which there is no solution.

It is a truism that money collect is never enough to settle the bill.

A lot of non-drinkers will ask to pay less but their soft drinks and cappuccinos add up.

At my stage in life (late 40s), we always agree up front to divide the bill equally, regardless of who has had starters/puddings/wine/cocktails. I think it all evens out. I will drink a fair bit of wine, but don't have a pudding or coffee.

Tips are usually added onto the bill for large parties.

My group of friends always just pays for what they have. It never takes more than two mins to give a rough idea of what everyone owes. No calculator needed, just 'yours is about 20 quid, yours is about 24 etc'.

Everyone then shoves a few quid onto the plate and bobs your uncle. I feel sorry for those with tightarse friends. :(

It's rude and embarrassing to be working out exactly how much each of you has eaten.

Is it bollocks. It's fair and necessary for some people. My group of friends includes those who are long-term ill and on benefits, skint students, and overpaid lucky rich people. No way do some of us want to feel that we shouldn't have the steak because our friends will have to subsidise it. No way do people limiting themselves to a single veggie course and soft drinks want to have to worry about how much the rest are eating/drinking, or feel that they can't come at all.

It might not be what your social circle does, but that doesn't make it rude. Honestly.

See - this is the kind of thing you never get taught at school.

The diplomacy, fairness and maths of splitting the bill. :)

hermioneE

Totally agree - it's not rude to work out what you should pay. Why is it embarassing?

It is obviously massively easier to simply split the bill like this but when some people are clearly not paying their fair share and others are paying significantly more that there needs to be some kind of approximate adjustment unless everyone is happy with the difference.
I've been out recently and paid more than double my 'fair share' as I only had a main and wasn't drinking. Happy to do so as at the moment I can afford to do that. There is no way I would be happy splitting the bill if I knew I had consumed significantly more than someone else though - last time this happened I told the person next to me (who I knew had not had as much) that I was putting in an extra tenner and suggested that she put in £10 less. I got a grateful look and a thank for that. The person who suggested the straight split had had more than me and definitely had a very healty income compared to some of the people on the table - I think that is more mean!

And agree with cakessaviour as well.

You don't need a calculator, Just estimate.

Agreed hermioneE. Every word.

Its not it's more embarrassing who ever paid less without saying. Being honest about your budget shouldn't be embarrassing or you have the wrong friends imo.

I agree Mary, family friend or not, that was rather indiscreet.

Fair play, honesty and transparency.

As adults we can agree to split the bill; put in around what was have spent; keep your own bill separately. There are lots of fair and easy ways to agree upon.

In my case one family used the tip to supplement there part of the bill. They are unsocial, mooching, duplicitous tight arses and will not be invited again. They are not canny wheeler dealers.

But the point isn't whether it's tight to split the bill. The point is that everyone had the opportunity to say, "actually I'd sooner pay for my own", nobody took that opportunity and as a result someone lied to their friends and undermined their agreement re the tip.

Paying for your own is fine, splitting the bill evenly is fine, as long as everyone agrees and abides by what's agreed. Someone in your party has seriously done the dirty.

The person who suggested the straight split had had more than me and definitely had a very healty income compared to some of the people on the table - I think that is more mean!

It's easy to suggest to split if money is not an object. Remember people may not have as much money as you but still want to be there.