Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

If my dinner came to 36 then I wouldnt hesitate in giving 40, even though I am by no means well off. Therefore you dh was not bu to round up to 40.

However, one thing we ALWAYS do is order drinks indivually at the bar. Teeny bit more hassle but the differences in drinks prices can be vast. I may have a whole bottle of wine (lush) at £20 but my friend may be driving and only have two cokes.

Drinks separate, split food equally.

custardo its not difficult to add up what you owe. It actually takes LESS time if people pay what they think they owe and one person counts it (or writes the card payments down) than it does for some bloody administrator to start pointing at people saying "You owe approximately £12, so that'll be £44 please".

(I'm an administrator, I also believe that if you make people responsible for what they owe, they will mostly pay it).

If people ARE 'tight' and after each has paid what they 'think' they owe, then I'd ask for £2ish of each person to pay of the tip/olives.

Oh and she is a sly old fox using up the hard working waiters tip to pay her share.

She paid £44 and the cost of her food came to £60?

I don't think agreeing to a 10% tip is heavy handed.

My very best friends in the whole world don't tip - not even when in the US. I lsay up front we are going here and if you don't want to leave a tip fine, we can split the bill and you can just pay the menu price.

I am a bit confused though, as you said 9 of you should have paid £40 each which = £360 and would leave no tip on a £360 bill.

Well perhaps, if you do this again, do what they used to do in my old office:

1. Arrange night out
2. Get menu of restaurant
3. Everyone works out what they're having
4. Everyone pays upfront to a 'banker' for what they're having
5. People who want to drink pay into a kitty - non-drinkers order and pay for their own drinks at the bar

Everybody happy.

OP-are you sure it was her?

Is there a chance that a couple accidentally paid for just one instead of two?

Surely, as a poster put previously-people would just pay 40/80GBP off the bill?

Or one person could have even forgotten to pay and then it would be a complete misunderstanding. If there was nine then it wasn't just couples. Gosh this is becoming quite a riddle. But thinking it over, is it wise to assume that your friend actually didn't even cover the cost of the food they had.

narked - sorry, I mentioned further up I had messed up the OP,the bill came to £324, which was rounded up to £360 divided by nine.

I can't be sure it was her, which is what I might find out later - the other two couples and the single friend we know really well and have eaten there a few times, so they know how much it costs.

I suppose with the "aghastness", along with the ignorning of my email offering £20 has made me pretty sure it was her, however you are right, I won't make assumptions. I should know later anyway.

If only 8 people had paid the bill would have been £4.00 short, so the restaurant would have said something to us?

Can you ask the teenager who made the comment about the tip?

Enimmead - I meant that if you agree to go to a group meal at a restaurant - you undertake to cope like an adult with paying your bill - i.e. you either accept graciously that the bill will be split and you may pay for more than you had, but you do so in the spirit of the gathering - or you have the balls to pipe up and say confidently and in good humour without ruining the bonhomie, 'I hope you don't mind, but we only had mains / no booze, so here is ours' - what you don't do is steal!

Generally, I think it is a pretty good rule that if you can't afford something you shouldn't do it!

I have got to go now, but will come and report back once we get back later.

I must read the whole thread before commenting
I must read the whole thread before commenting
I must read the whole thread before commenting

Totally agree with Znaika on previous page. People who "don't drink" often self-righteously say they will pay a reduced amount when their drinks are the same price as the alcoholic ones - or they've had the £5.95 tarte aux pommes and the side salad which nobody else had. Grrrrrrrr.

I've had experience of the OP's situation. I saw with my own eyes sil collect up the contributions at a family gathering - including tips - and then pay less herself. I also saw her carefully put the receipt in her bag and overheard her telling her dh she could claim the dinner as a business expense.

This happened to me once. A group of 10 of us had had a weekend in Dublin (my dsis and friends of hers 40th birthday).

The restaurant we went to was great. Food and service great. We had not booked, and they fitted us in.

Got the bill, it was £30 each (service charge had been put on because of our large group). Everyone put money in and the saucer with all the money in was left on the table.

Most of the group then ran out. I was a bit slow, putting on coat etc. I noticed the waiters counting the money out 2-3 times. I went over and asked if anything was wrong and the money was minus the service charge. So a few people had put in quite a bit less.

I apologised and made up the money (was very embarrassed). Found out that 3 of the ladies had deliberately put less in and not told anyone. Even had the cheek to say you did not have to pay service charge (service was impeccable). They were just being mean tightwads. Who does something like that?

Did get my money back as the other honest ladies thought it was disgusting.

If the bill was 324 & she paid 44-280 had been paid up until then-that´s only 7 lots of 40?

A 'relative' of mine pulls some sort of trick everytime we go out. Either collects up the money and pays the rest on his card, splits the bill in drinks equally (one time I paid £7 for a diet coke) or waits till everyone has gone and demands a refund of the service charge. I wont be going out with.y own close family again as a result.

I absolutely hate bill arguments. I think the worst was a trip to wagas with three other couples. Bill came to something like £89 so we agreed £25 a couple to include tip. The couple who'd eaten the most (their bill came to around £27 without tip) complained it was too much because of one of the two puddings they'd ordered had been slow to arrive. We left quickly after that as we'd found a 'prior engagement' last minute we needed to be at!

I remember an incident where someone ordered a starter, an expensive main course and drank lots of wine and when the bill came kept shrieking but I didn't have a pudding while glaring at someone who'd only had 2 starters instead of a main course and a pudding, and drank 2 glasses of wine then water the rest of the time.

Some people want to have their cake and eat it. I wouldn't invite them again if that was the case.

I agree with marriedinwhite'.

Sorry-just realised she should have been paying for two.

There are always one or two in a large group meal who behave like this (or the alternative - order the most expensive things), the only thing to do is not invite them again (or watch them like a hawk the next time if their company is unavoidable)

We also had acqauntances where the woman used to be teetotal and always said she shouldn't pay for drink, but her partner drank like a fish. They didn't last, I think people overall know who is taking the piss and after a few commenst they dropped out.

I'd tip the £20 back to the staff fwiw.

This is a good one! I'm with Eggs, and although generally easy-going about bill splitting, would like to think that I have the kind of circle of friends where we feel OK about 'piping up' and saying whether we're able to participate in a split or not, trusting that nobody will think anyone else a tight spoil sport, just wise to what personal circumstances will allow. I'd be so upset if anyone stayed at home because they worried about splitting a bill. I have very gorgeous colleagues and have put in a few brief, flying attendances at staff dos (where bill splitting is the norm) since DD was born, and it has been great to be able to explain that I won't be staying long, order a main while the others are having their starter, leave what I owe (+ tip) with someone and then shoot off home again an hour later, knowing everyone was just really pleased I came and think nothing of my alternative arrangement. And, can I just say that not all non-drinkers do sneaky underhand things with juices and expensive sides...

What a shocker!

When I/we go out with friends, we just split the bill regardless of who has had what. If it's a meal out with people who want to pay for what they had, I always worry if I have paid the right amount, and if the money is under for the bill will always put in extra, even if I haven't been drinking.

If your suspicions are right about her not paying her share, then you should let her and the others know that you know (in the best possible taste, of course) and that the poor waiting staff lost out on a tip.