Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

I hate it when the bill is shared in a large group - especially when you have heavy drinkers and those who eat a lot. It is unfair on those who don't drink, don't eat much and are on a budget. - but who want to share the atmosphere. Good friends should be aware of this - luckily my friends are.
It's easy to forget some people struggle for money.

But it is wrong to use the tip to pay your share of the bill. I have had that happen once when we were out and that really annoyed me.

This morning I was thinking back to something similar that happened on a night out... (we are going out with these friends in a couple of weeks which prompted the thoughts).

It was a big birthday meal of our friends (the DH). They invited us, some other friends and family on the understanding we all paid for ourselves (fair do's). There were about 25 in total, 5 of them being her, DH and three older teens.

DH and I had 2 courses (bought own drinks), they all had three courses. Bill came and she said it was x amount. DH put £60 in for us which was over what our actual total was, but he thought the extra would go towards a tip.

Everyone else put theirs in which left a balance of £40 before the birthday family had put any money in. She was sat next to me, so I heard the convo between herself and her DH. She just lobbed the £40 in and that was it - for five of them . The waiting staff got nothing.

That is awful! I agree with the sending of a group email.

We often go out with friends and nearly always split the bill equally (I am a veggie which in general, pricewise makes up for dp liking steak), the exception has been when I was a veggie non-drinker when pregnant then our friends tended to allow for this when splitting the bill.

Out of interest, why do you think your friend told you that this other couple were horrified at the level of the bill. Was she trying to be helpful? It sounds a bit gossipy to me and she seems to have stirred up trouble

The person taking the money at the cash desk was the teen (older teen, about 17 - last year of sixth year) who had said to me, albeit in a joking tone "you lot were a bit miserable not leaving a tip, weren't you happy with us". we know her well so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable saying this. It was about ten days after the meal I saw the teen, so it had obviously been discussed and was remembered - this makes me feel embarrassed as we often go there.

Of course, I am only guessing what happened, it just seems a coincidence that the person who complained made sure they were last paying the bill..... however I am going up there later to give them the £20, so might ask the owner to clarify for me, so that I can make sure the waiting staff get their tip.

Yes they may be skint despite earning more,and I wouldn't have minded at all if they had wanted to settle up for exactly what they had (Plus a tip!) and then the rest of us split the amount left.

doesn't that make it theft? She effectively stole the other guests money they had set-aside for as a tip. Does £44 even cover what they ate/drank if it was worked out separately?

It sounds to me that she may well have been 'aghast' at the bill before it was paid, but took advantage when it was their turn to pay thinking no one would ever know the tip wasn't paid. Did they know you knew the waiting staff? Bang out of order IMO and I think you should let her know that. Up to you how you do that though.

Your friend should be dumped forthwith.

I tend to not split the bill as I rarely have a starter and don't drink, except for maybe one soft drink (I don't like soft drinks and don't drink wine). The exception is if I am out for a friends birthday. I wouldn't want the birthday person paying more so think of as an extra bit of the birthday present.

My other friend had said it in a bit of a jokey way, like "you should have seen her face when the bill was split, she was like a goldfish". If it was really that bad, my DH should have asked her again if she wanted to pay for what they had had. Which is why I felt bad and emailed her a couple of days later to offer some money back.

Yes it could have been gossip, although we had all had quite a bit of wine, so I saw it more of a drunken comment that she thought was funny.

SHE STOLE FROM HER FRIENDS

Need I say more?

I really dislike people who agree to an arrangement (despite having the opportunity to say "actually, we'd prefer to settle our own bill") and then bitch about it afterwards. That, alone, would make me determined never to eat out with them again.

I recognise that there may be some inequity when splitting the bill with everyone but usually it balances up - one person's steak might well be set against their partner's modest drinking - but if the group have agreed this at the outset, everyone has a choice. Once you've made that choice you stick with it, not grizzle away afterwards. You certainly don't pocket the tip! So YANBU, OP in being taken aback by this behaviour.

I worked out what they had eaten/drank once I had found out the issue, as the menu was online. It came to about £60 between them, which is why I offered to give her £20 back.

Very mean of your friend to do that if it was already agreed you would split the bill.

But personally I hate splitting the bill - went out recently, had £15 worth of food as we'd already bought our wine before everyone else got there and was then told it was £30 a head :( Therefore paying for everyone else's drinks and more expensive meals. That's just not fair either.

^ thinking she had paid £80.....

In your case, I would email/call to check what happened. £80 for a night out with overnight accommodation (and breakfast) is a bargain.

This happened to me and I was especially as one of the couple's DC was a holy terror and made a terrible mess. Three families went out, we have one DC they each have two. We agreed to split the and mooching couple ordered extra drinks and desserts . Only DC had them otherwise; they definitely ordered extras to take advantage of splitting the bill. . Two families paid cash and the moochers went to the register to pay the balance on their card. The other couple heard them talking about it walking back to the car. They are the parents of my DS's best friend and we are in the same social circle. We see them every few weeks and I haven't YET said anything. It is very anti-social and acting as they do, their invitations are getting sparce. I will never go out to eat with them again.

I have been on the other side. I arrived late, paid for a large wine at the bar and ordered a bread starter. Others (that left before the bill arrived) had ordered margaritas on the bill. They tried to split the bill between whomever was left and wanted £50 - erm no. It should be swings and roundabouts and if it isn't life is too short to subside people I don't like.

We worked out the average to be £36 each splitting the bill, rounded up to £40 for a tip. So they would have paid £12 more than they should have (not allowing tor a tip - £20 with the tip).

So yes it THEFT, in more than one way as well :(

(as well as not drinking or having startes my main meal is normally cheaper than others as it is a veggie meal, although when/if money isn't a issue I would also split evenly) I would at least keep track of my own costs though, what a cheeky rude cow.

If you've only had a main course, pudding and one glass of wine £40 IS extortionate.

We round up to the nearest £1 what everyone thinks they owe on food, then what every thinks they owe on drinks, there's always enough left over for e tip and no one feels ripped off.

Money is tight for a lot of people, if I'd come to your birthday bash I'd probably have intentionally not had a starter or pudding, and limited my drink because of cost... I wouldn't have felt I should have to SAY I was skint, but to be presented with a £40 bill would have horrified me (because actually I'd have been unable to pay it!).

She was very U not to feel confident enough to say something, and she was sneaky, but I think your 'fair' way of splitting a bill isn't actually fair at all unless you all had roughly the same think and drank similar amounts. Sorry I may be against the grain but I feel you were presumptuous and u.

I am aware of the perils of splitting a bill, I have a couple I am friends with who always have 3 courses, usually have fillet steak, and also cheeseboard! On those occassions I don't mind saying "we will pay for our own", and they are quite happy to accept that.

On this occassion we asked before we looked at menus, and then when the waitress came to take the menus away, my DH reiterated "are we sure we are going to split the bill or do we want a menu left", and they said nothing.

Also a tip isn't a given. I've often eaten out not left a tip... its very Americanised. I've also been a waitress, and didn't always expect a tip. Its was nice when it happened, seeing as I was on minimum wage it was never expected.

(I do still think your friend is cheeky and incredibly rude for being so sneaky, if indeed she is guilty - but I can empathise with her).

Ah I understand now. I think £4 each tip is a bit extravagant if the meal was quite expensive anyway. But it was totally out of order, if it was all agreed, for the others to just pay £40 between them and leave no tip. I'd have been a bit horrified at an £80 bill for two people. But I realise restaurants vary in different parts of the country.

Yeh I get that, but one person's idea of bill splitting and another's can be the difference of £20-£40 per head.

I'm uber careful, I know far too many tee totallers who'd be aghast at paying for my copious wine consumption.

I guess it boils down to "how much do you value your friend?" if you take that as a start point it may help you resolve this... if you value her highly, and you were me, I'd leave it, pay the restaurant a tip, and laugh in a shocked manner about it with my husband for the next 40 years... and never allow it to happen again. If you don't value your friendship, wade in, call her a thief, run the risk of getting it very wrong!

One of the upsides of being skint is that we've become VERY vocal in what we're prepared/are able to pay!