Splitting Bill in Restaurant - AIBU / WWYD?

[Shiftinglard]

A couple of weeks ago 9 of us went out for a meal for my birthday. We went to a local restaurant, and had (I thought!) a really good time.

The bill came to £360 including all the drinks, so DH split it so we all paid £40 each leaving a £36 tip. We normally do it this way rather than getting the menu and splitting up the bill, we had said first and everyone was ok with this. We had really good service and food, and a couple of the waiting staff were teens that we know. DH was paying for mine, so whilst the they went to pay, I went off the loo then through to the bar. The others joined us,and we had a really good fun evening.

However, the next day one of my friends said that a guest (a friend I used to work with, I work in the same company but have moved base so still have contact with her) had looked aghast at the bill, literally jaw dropped, and said that as she hadn't had a starter or drank as much as us she thought it was "extortionate" (her husband had drank quite a bit).

I felt really bad at this, the friend in question and her DH had stayed at our house, but had left before we got up the next day (10am) however did send a text saying thanks for a good evening, and will see me soon. I thought about it for a bit, then emailed her and offered to reimburse her £20 as I didn't want her to feel she had been subsidising our food/wine, that I really enjoyed their company and thanked them for coming, and didn't want her to be put off coming again if she found it too expensive. I haven't heard back from her since.

Since then, I saw one of the teens who was on the waiting staff , who I know through my kids. She said we were a "bit miserable not leaving a tip", which I felt upset about. I then realised that the friend who was against paying waited until everyone had paid their £40, then stepped up and made up the difference to the bill, paying £44 for them both, so that no tip was left at all.

Should I just leave it? I find it odd I haven't heard back from her after offering to reimburse her some of the bill. It could also be awkward if I see her at work.

I used to be friends with someone who did this all the time. She'd always steal the tip money to pay her share in exactly the same way, by going up last. I don't see her anymore, amongst other things I got sick of her tightwad ways.

Every time we've ate out we just work out how much each one of us has eaten and what the prices are so it's fair, then add the tip at the end

Some places, Chiquitos for instance, has a table service fee which you have to pay so she would have had no choice.

Bloody sly tight arse she is

I would be happy to spend part of the evening with you peaceful.

Taking the tip is stealing.

Either speak up at the time or say something later and act differently next time.

I have another friend that pays for herself when not drinking and likes to share the bill when she is having buckets full of cocktails. She is very generous in other ways and so it doesn't call an atmosphere. Ex Bil would ask if we were splitting the bill before eating and ordered extra is that was the case. I always paid separately if we ate together in a group.

Is it possible that if they were the last to pay - and they put it on card - that there was a misunderstanding ? For example, they hand over the card saying "we pay the rest" (or some such), not having understood that the total from the restaurant's point of view was 324, not 360 ?

IME people who eat the most and drink the most are normally the ones who want to spilt the bill equally :)

Kirsty, but wouldn't they then come back and say "How come we paid less than everyone else?"

I'm a weirdo and I don't drink.

Whenever I've been on a works nightout the food bill/soft drink bill is split seperately from the drinks bill. Saves me and any drivers feeling hard done by as we don't pay any of the drinks bill.

How much or not you drink really adds up so this is a good way of doing it to save that particular argument...

Best option - go for an all you can eat restaurant :)

Pay your own drinks.

Like your reasoning enimead

We used to just split the bill, but some of my friends are heavy drinkers and DH and I barely drink these days, I found it was getting too expensive to go out.

So what we do now, is we split the food bill, plus a few pound for tip and arrange with restaurant to have a cash bar, so as people order drinks they pay for them, this works much better for us as food tends to be the least pricey part of going out.

There is no grumbling etc.

you can refuse to pay the service fee btw, I do on principle.

When we go out from work (as a big group) we split into drinkers and non-drinkers. There's always someone who says they're not drinking, then says "Oh go on then" when offered a drink. They always look startled when they're told that after a few of them they're in the drinking category. "But he asked if I wanted a glass!" etc ensues.

@Imperialblether - probably, I'm trying to be generous...

My thinking is that if you're paying by card and having a conversation you might just key your number in without noticing what the total was.

I could drink water all night and still be willing to pay equal shares once the bill comes in. I cannot abide tightness and I have actually been in a restaurant with people who have got their calculator out. I was mortified.

Put it down to experience. I wouldn't go out with them again. I would always be willing to pay equally, and if I was skint and couldn't afford the meal, I wouldn't go out.

Unless you've had shocking service, I think it's damn mean to not pay the service charge or to tip. Restaurants get around the minimum wage by staff making it up in tips.

Tipping has become the 'done' thing, for any kind of restaurant service at whatever level - great, poor or indifferent. Personally, I'd rather pay more and patronise restaurants that pay their staff properly, rather than expect their staff costs to be propped up by a customer who might prefer not to reward somebody for a basic level of service.

We buy into the 'tipping for mediocrity'. I'd rather tip really, really well - but seldom - and for exceptional service rather than grudgingly hand over a few pounds.

I don't understand why people think it's tight to pay what you spent rather than paying much more to subsidise those who indulged.

Why are people so keen to say they would pay their equal share no matter how much they had?

I have no problem with someone who is on a tight budget paying their fair share and would never expect someone to subsidise my meal and drinks.

But then I've never had much money so maybe I'm careful with what I spend and don't feel the need to flash the cash.

I hate this. If you have a problem, speak up at the time, this is underhand and creates more bad feeling

eni - it's extremely underhand to go out in a group and then steal the amount everyone else has put in for the tip, as this 'friend' did.

Unless you are genuinely strapped for cash, it is tight to argue about every last penny on a bill for a large group of people. You are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the occasion, not delaying everyone at the end of the night because you want to argue about who had the lobster. Speaking as a vegetarian I'm always subsidising everyone else, because veggie food is so much cheaper. I just drink more to make up the difference!

That's absolutely tight as bloody fuck.

I always split the bill but I have been ripped off by people like this before, and I don't eat with them again!

So now people who are willing to split the bill are flashing the cash? How ridiculous. If I was broke I wouldn't go for the meal at all, so it's not about that.

Mind you, I'd rather flash the cash than be a tight arse. Any day of the week.

It's rude and embarrassing to be working out exactly how much each of you has eaten. "I didn't have a starter and you did" lark. awful.

We do have one family member that drinks 2 bottles of wine to everyone else's 1, and be always puts his hand up and puts more money in as a gesture. That's a nice thing to do but I wouldn't care if he didn't.

Of course this person should not steal the tip - that's not what I'm talking about.

It's also tight to argue to the nearest penny - obviously.

I have a friend who is a single mum, vegetarian and non-drinker. She struggles for cash and rarely goes out for work dos or dos with her friends who are doing fine thankyou and they split the bill. That's grossly unfair - and her friends do not even think about her situation before saying "Let's split the bill". Her actual cost is often £15 to £20 less than what she has been asked to pay.

So - people should not be paying to the nearest penny but I do think people have a right to pay what they spent, give or take, without being accused of tightness.

So - if you're on a budget, you shouldn't be able to spend £5 on a meal out with friends or work colleagues?

Because you're a tight arse?

Luckily my friends are a lot more understanding than that. And no one feels uncomfortable. It's just the culture my friends have.

I got no problem in that situation em, as long as they say from the word go. People like this woman & her husband only start complaining at the end is annoying and he sounds like he drank plenty.