to be annoyed with in laws when they are nice

[telvg]

What are your stories about your in laws? Mine are lovely but since my baby was born 10 months ago they are always doing things that annoy me (though are much better now). If I hear what others have done it will help me put mine in perspective.
Here are a fewof the annoying things:
Turning up at the hospital when I was in labour. Why?
Turning up again after I had given birth. I had a very traumatic labour followed by an op and the hospital let them in when I was in recovery. I took my baby off from her first feed so they could hold her and it meant my fil was there for the first breastfeed.
Since she was born, smothering my baby with excessive love, like she is their baby.
Constantly saying "she can't be hungry? when she was or is.
MIL walking off with my baby when she is crying and obviously wants feeding (I am breastfeeding).
MIL Shortening my babys name even though have expressed my desire not to. FIL calling MIL my babys Mum.
Arguing against simple requests I make for my baby or ignoring them and doing their own thing.
When my baby is crying for me and FIl passing her to me, MIl stepping in between us and grabbing her.
Watching me breastfeed.
Commenting that she fed a lot.
When they arrive 30 mins early, commenting that am in the shower, good afternoon, even though I have been up for hours, since 5am feeding etc.
Like said, they are decent people and I am very lucky. My MIL is going to look after my baby 2 days a week when I go back to work, which is great though it would be slightly better if I knew she wouldn't try and pretend to be my baby`s mum. My own Mum is not alive so I am not sure how I would feel towards her.

lol

Not read the other replies, but they sound well meaning, BUT very smothering. Your dp/dh needs to ask them to back off a bit. I think they will be fab carers for your baby when you go back to work. The baby won't mind being smothered with love and attention. :) But they do need to be asked to back off a bit for the sake of your mental health. Maybe when they get to have your baby 2 days a week it will satisfy their desire to be close to her. They may even be tired out by it and they will naturally back off a bit.

Interesting to see the gps on this thread unable to see beyond their own needs and sloping off instead.

Who's sloped off?
I don't think I was unable to see beyond my needs - I did try to see the other side whilst explaining my feelings.
And do bear in mind that all of the grandparents have been parents and we're not that old that we can't remember what it was like - so we can see more than one perspective,

I'd just like to repost the OP's opening -
What are your stories about your in laws? Mine are lovely but since my baby was born 10 months ago they are always doing things that annoy me (though are much better now). If I hear what others have done it will help me put mine in perspective.

Doesn't sound like it's a current horror story on re-reading, does it?

nannyogg - what's interesting to note are the amount of gps who have been parents themselves and then for some reason totally forget or dont bother to treat their daughter in laws with compassion and sensitivity when she's just given birth! I dont get that I'm sorry.

Amused - you're not wrong, there are hideous GPs out there (and parents, children etc) I was referring to the ones on this thread, who, imo, weren't that unreasonable.

Read back at some previous vile language and irrelevant comments and you'll see some unreasonable behaviour. I got told to fuck off earlier by usual suspect who is apparently a gp.

I just finshed reading "The Little House" by Philippa Gregory and am very thankfui for not having interfering family. The worst it gets is my nan sending M&S pants and white socks for dd in the post....

I'm off to bed now. Hope the op can sort through the advice on here and get out of this current situation. much love op. nite peeps.

Iamnot yes I have received treatment for PND. I'm also a psych nurse so i know quite a lot about it and have cared for many mothers with both antenatal and PND .Hope that answers your question.

There has been some good advice about being assertive and communicating with the in laws which will hopefully help.

I wouldn't be inviting them over. Does your dp not stand up for you? He should be,

that is not normal....
she should not be reffered to as "mum"
she should not be walking away with your baby
they should not be shortening your babys name
Make a stand now or this will be seen as the way things are and they can do as they please.Or you will be posting in 5 years time saying the same things but on a worse scale.
noone should feel pushed out of their babys life in favour of someone else.
tell your dh to satnd up for you. NOW
i hope everyting works out for you

Well fuck me I missed a good one here!

(See how I swore at myself to avoid deletion)

Seriously it does sound like notamused has a few too many issues to be subjective on this one.

Op it sounds like your pil just really love your baby and maybe are not aware of how they seem to be overstepping the line slightly, have you or dh said anything to them?

My mum was a bit like this with Dd1 and it did piss Dp off a bit to begin with but he soon realised she was just totally in love :)

Oh I forgot to say, Usual all this time and you never told me you were a troll!

Agree that they're just in love.

Agree that it is more than annoying when your MIL is trying to helpfully stop the baby crying when you and your squirty boobs all know he needs feeding.

Agree that they need to back off a bit and not argue with you about decisions you've made - so easy to feel like you were just the womb for their PFG and they probably have no idea they might be making you feel unimportant.

And especially agree that feeling fragile at this time is both normal (you're not losing it!) and needs an eye keeping on (losing it can sneak up on you).

Why is anyone surprised that nice people can be annoying?

I can totally empathise with you OP. My FIl and Mil behaved exactly the same (scaring so) from the moment DD1 was born. They weren't allowed in the maternity ward but suggested coming and sitting in the car park so they might catch a glimpse!! Then from the moment I got her home they started their weird behaviour.

I had a very traumatic birth and subsequent repair operation after delivery which led to PTSD. I have no doubt they didn't cause this at all however my obsessions and issues combined with their behaviour certainly increased my anxiety.

It's so hard to do sometimes but set boundaries ASAP e.g when MIL walks off with your crying baby, insist she hands her back. Even now with DD being over 2 my MIL tries to play Mummy but it's got easier.

I would consider a CM too, to aid role setting. Good luck!!

I agree that the gps have overstepped the mark on these occasions. I particularly understand how annoying it is for a gp to shorten your childs name as we had issues with my mil regarding this. Its so disrespectful.
Iamnot amused i understand about not wanting a mil to hold your baby. I was like this too and it is totaly normal.
What a shame the same old bullies seem to be back on this thread.

Op-YANBU!! I seriously cant believe there are people on this thread who are suggesting otherwise!

Interrupting your first attempt at bf-NOT ON
Deliberately using the wrong name-NOT ON
Walking off with crying/hungry baby-NOT ON
Wanting to be called mummy-NOT ON
Making snide remarks when they turn up at your house implying your are lazy/unfit-DEF NOT ON

Please speak to your dh about how you feel and stress to him about how important it is you present a united front. Tbh there is no way in hell I would be having mil as my babysitter as I think you will find it causes all sorts of problems but you have to decide the best course of action for yourself.

Please ignore the bunfight between the regulars.

OP, all these things are beyond infuriating but you and your DH need to turn round and tell them to stop doing the things you don't like. My in-laws and parents both drove me crazy when DD was born, telling me what to do, huffing and puffing when I did something they didn't agree with. However, I insisted on doing it my way and telling them (along with DH) to stop doing whatever was driving me crazy.
Your in laws sound like they mean well but have been set no boundaries and don't realise how irritating they are being or how much it is upsetting you. You and your DH have let their behaviour continue now for 10 months without saying anything so they probably feel that you are happy with the way they are doing things.
Now is the time, before they start doing childcare, to lay down the law. If you don't feel happy speaking to them, you DH should. If they don't understand and don't stop behaving in this manner, then you need to look for another form of childcare. In fact, it might be a good idea to put your baby in nursery/childminder for one day and only have them doing childcare for one day whatever the outcome. Good luck.

Just limit the time they spend with you and DC.

Let them be too fussing and irritating but maybe 3 times a week for an hour or so.

My mil has severe paranoid schizophrenia (she's single) and will never be allowed to be with my dc unsupervised. Therefore, no babysitting, no overwhelming love for my dcs etc. Sounds like you have it ok OP.

I understand exactly how you feel OP. My Grandmother came to 'look after' me after DS1 was born.

I can remember breaking into a gallop (complete with stitches) the first time I took him out in the pram because she wouldn't take her hand off the pram handle. I felt crowded and undermined in everything I did with him. She actually spoiled the first few weeks of our life together.

Having said all that, the rational side of my brain realises that she was only trying to help and give me the benefit of her experience.

Maybe your in-laws are trying to show support for you breastfeeding and haven't realised how uncomfortable them sitting with you makes you feel. Maybe they're trying to show you that they love and accept your baby with all their hearts.

Perhaps your husband could have a gentle word.

My inlaws sound a bit like the OPs - but although they do things that annoy me, I try to remember that everything they do they do with the best intentions.

I remember my MIL putting my pfb in the pram and telling me to go and have a bath and a nap while she took ds out in his pram. . I could hear him crying half way up the street and was raging at her, but from her pov she was helping me by allowing me to get a little time to myself.

They looked after all my children (at various times) for a couple of days a week. Despite their ideas of childcare being a little different to mine (seriously how many sweets in one day!) my children always returned safe and happy. Now they all have a lovely relationship with them (although FIL is still odd and says odd things).

They still bug me though. :)

iamnotamused- does your veto on family members interacting with the baby also extend o the babys father? does he only get to hold the baby when the mum says so as well?