to be annoyed with in laws when they are nice

[telvg]

What are your stories about your in laws? Mine are lovely but since my baby was born 10 months ago they are always doing things that annoy me (though are much better now). If I hear what others have done it will help me put mine in perspective.
Here are a fewof the annoying things:
Turning up at the hospital when I was in labour. Why?
Turning up again after I had given birth. I had a very traumatic labour followed by an op and the hospital let them in when I was in recovery. I took my baby off from her first feed so they could hold her and it meant my fil was there for the first breastfeed.
Since she was born, smothering my baby with excessive love, like she is their baby.
Constantly saying "she can't be hungry? when she was or is.
MIL walking off with my baby when she is crying and obviously wants feeding (I am breastfeeding).
MIL Shortening my babys name even though have expressed my desire not to. FIL calling MIL my babys Mum.
Arguing against simple requests I make for my baby or ignoring them and doing their own thing.
When my baby is crying for me and FIl passing her to me, MIl stepping in between us and grabbing her.
Watching me breastfeed.
Commenting that she fed a lot.
When they arrive 30 mins early, commenting that am in the shower, good afternoon, even though I have been up for hours, since 5am feeding etc.
Like said, they are decent people and I am very lucky. My MIL is going to look after my baby 2 days a week when I go back to work, which is great though it would be slightly better if I knew she wouldn't try and pretend to be my baby`s mum. My own Mum is not alive so I am not sure how I would feel towards her.

Lovely woman usual suspect. Just gorgeous.

Oh cross posted IAmNotAmused

I don't think there's any point in engaging with you to be honest.

I'm a troll anyway so feel free to ignore me

OP I think they are intrusive alright but maybe their intentions are otherwise good. I'm interested to know:
What your relationship was like with them before you had your baby?
What your partner thinks?

I know that my PILs are generally good, caring people; but a few days after I came home after a traumatic birth, they and extended family all descended on me. And then insisted baby, myself and DP go to theirs for the day just a week after I had an EMCS. (I refused- I was too fucked).

So even though they are normally considerate, something about the birth of their grandchild made them blind to my needs.

I don't live in London.

Great post Cromwell. Op- you feel they overstep the mark so let them be loving grandparents and not babysitters. They will then have much less say over your parenting choices and you will not be sat at work worrying they are doing things their way- choose a nursery, make a polite excuse. Life is too short to fall out and is also to short to let them take over. You are dcs mother! draw a line under previous events, move on with a new take on things. Enjoy your moments, let them enjoy theirs without them having you over a barrel.

OK taking your baby is not on. Calling mil mummy is not on. But other posters are right, you need to stand up or yourself and say something, if you don't how will they know you feel this way?

My pils used to say things about dds being hungry, but she didn't bf, gave her babies rice in their bottles at 5 weeks,gave them whiskey for teething....she did things very differently, they don't get it. She wanted a baby to sleep for hours and hours and rapidly put on weight and make things easiest for her. I saw things on a larger scale.

If you're not comfortable with the level of affection she shows your dc or how you think she intends to "parent" for lack of a better word, while you are working, I think you need to reconsider your childcare arrangements. Say you want them to be for fun, not to be used for childcare or something, butyou do need to address these issues you have with them.

As for usualsupsect or everlong being a troll... :o

Nice to see the language being used here tonight. Though I will say I think posts other than mine should have been deleted instead. Oh well :)

Formerly titled, how could anyone think those things like taking a baby from its mum, calling yourself mummy and intruding on labour be considered ok? But to some apparently it is ok. Madness.

Well maybe the 'London scum' reported your post

MNHQ i think this thread should be deleted its turning a support/advice thread into a bunfight

Yep, to some it is considered ok. It wouldn't be for me, and anyone who tried to would get an earful sharpish, but op hasn't.
Perhaps when mil had her babies she was treated the same way by her mil?Who knows. But if she's not told it's unacceptable, mil will carry on in ignorance. If she is told and ignores op's feelings, that's a whole other story

Hold on, so abusive language is acceptable but pulling someone up on it isn't? Risible.

@McHappyPants2012

MNHQ i think this thread should be deleted its turning a support/advice thread into a bunfight

Well quite. But the OP may need some support in this situation and we are reluctant to delete threads when people have taken the time to reply.
So, instead of folk throwing insults baked goods everywhere and me needing to nix every other post due to personal attacks, I refer you all to my post earlier where I remind you that we do not tolerate them or troll hunting
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
MNHQ

Come on op, this thread has some good advice- take control and reply to the ones you like before it combusts mnhq pay too much attention to 2 posters with an actual opinion --if you can't swear
On the internet where can you?--

I think theres a few trolls on this thread, but I'm not one of them.

So delete me I CBA with the idiots on here any more.

Iamnot of course babies need to bond with mothers.
But IMO it is very important for babies to bond with important family members..
As they say , it takes a community to raise a child .

PND is multi factorial.
I'm afraid that whatever your beliefs are , the reality is ,that your in laws will not have caused your PND .
They may have been one of a number of factors in maintaining your PND.
It sounds as though things are very raw for you and I wonder whether you have recovered enough to get involved in discussions such as this.

At the end of the day, OPs in laws ,although they seem misguided and need boundaries re inforcing , sound like good decent people ,and that should be at the forefront of OPs mind when decision making .
OP I think needs constructive comments about this relationship because over the years they could be an invaluable source of support for OP and her DC. And everybody's lives will be enhanced.

nannyplum - I never said they 'caused' pnd, I said that in laws in all their well meant ways, can set off a TRIGGER for it.

May I ask have you had it yourself?

And yes Im aware it's important for babies to bond with family members.
But the mum bonding comes FIRST and FOREMOST.

when she is ready, then other family members can come into things.

Well, your FIL describing MIL as the baby's Mum does sound a bit strange. It's also a bit strange that they comment on how you are feeding the baby (none of their business, really).

BUT, you describe them as 'lovely' and also as 'decent people'. So maybe there is hope for them - perhaps they just need to be told exactly what help you do or do not want?

Is your baby a first grandchild for them? It sounds as if they are so fixated on your lovely baby that they are not taking your own needs/wishes, etc. in to consideration. If they are 'lovely' people, though, maybe they just need someone to talk all this over with them. If you have a close relationship with them (or had a close relationship before your baby was born), perhaps you could explain everything to them. But the discussion might come better from your husband/partner - they are his parents, and he is your partner, so surely he could explain to them how things are?

I'm so sorry your Mum isn't around for you to talk to and share things with.

I hope that things get better for you.

I really don't appreciate the implications about my mental health either, even though some posters mean well. I did not have pnd for very long and have since had a dd without any problems at all.

I do understand however, that even though love and good intention may be at the forefront of families' minds, there is no excuse for thinking its ok to overstep the mark and cross boundaries. People need to tune in and be more sensitive to new mothers and their wishes.

Oh dear. That'll teach me read a thread, and then wander off before posting.