to be annoyed with in laws when they are nice

[telvg]

What are your stories about your in laws? Mine are lovely but since my baby was born 10 months ago they are always doing things that annoy me (though are much better now). If I hear what others have done it will help me put mine in perspective.
Here are a fewof the annoying things:
Turning up at the hospital when I was in labour. Why?
Turning up again after I had given birth. I had a very traumatic labour followed by an op and the hospital let them in when I was in recovery. I took my baby off from her first feed so they could hold her and it meant my fil was there for the first breastfeed.
Since she was born, smothering my baby with excessive love, like she is their baby.
Constantly saying "she can't be hungry? when she was or is.
MIL walking off with my baby when she is crying and obviously wants feeding (I am breastfeeding).
MIL Shortening my babys name even though have expressed my desire not to. FIL calling MIL my babys Mum.
Arguing against simple requests I make for my baby or ignoring them and doing their own thing.
When my baby is crying for me and FIl passing her to me, MIl stepping in between us and grabbing her.
Watching me breastfeed.
Commenting that she fed a lot.
When they arrive 30 mins early, commenting that am in the shower, good afternoon, even though I have been up for hours, since 5am feeding etc.
Like said, they are decent people and I am very lucky. My MIL is going to look after my baby 2 days a week when I go back to work, which is great though it would be slightly better if I knew she wouldn't try and pretend to be my baby`s mum. My own Mum is not alive so I am not sure how I would feel towards her.

are you taking the piss op?

carry on like this and you will end up with severe post natal depression. This sort of interference from in laws can be a trigger. Believe me, I've had it and I know about in laws, and they need to be kept at arms length until you are ready.

Sorry to sound harsh op and I really want to give you the utmost support here, but grow a backbone and tell them nicely to back the fuck off. It's a disgrace when you are trying to bond and the inteference you mention on here is not only appalling but totally abnormal. You sound like you have been through a lot in life especially what with your mum not being here, and I think you and your darling baby need mummy and baby time.

they need to stay the hell away. Please put your foot down, now.

First Grand child?

Some of it sounds as though they're being OTT, some of it sounds 'normal' for such a loved family member and a bit of it sounds as though you're BU.

But throughout all of it, your baby is surrounded by so much love.

So that's not a bad thing...though I can see how it can be annoying at times.

The first thing you learn as a parent is how to be assertive...that'll come in time.

telvg - sorry for the harsh post, just read it properly. I'm just shocked and disgusted that they watch you breastfeed and stuff, I actually feel livid for you and quite upset for you, strange as that may sound. When my son was born I hated his grandparents touching him, only his dad and my own mum I allowed and I had this very strong tiger-mother instinct which freaked me out in terms of people going near him, kissing him and touching him. :(

What does your DH say when all this is happening?

worraliberty - I know its pretty normal in terms of the ott behaviour but that's no excuse for being this way at all. It never ceases to amaze me how people, just because they are relatives, think they can intrude so nonchalanty into those first precious weeks between mum and baby.

everlong - are you serious? or just horribly insensitive?

I don't see your problem tbh.

They sound like normal Grandparents to me.

Your IL's sound awful. If I were you I'd be looking for a good childminder/nursery and keeping your Dd's grandparents safely in their grandparenting role. Where they belong.

You do need to stick up for yourself and your daughter. Correct them when they call mil 'mummy', take DD from her if mil tries to take her away when you dont want her to. Where on earth is your DH in all this? They're his parents so he should be dealing with the and letting them know what is and is not acceptable behaviour from grandparents. They seem to need done serious guidance with that.

you implied the problem lies with the op

use your brain. If you had in laws watching you breastfeed, interuppting it, making useless and hurtful comments, coming over at inappropriate times and making strange references to baby being the mother in law's, you don't think that oversteps the mark?

have you been in this situation before? Thought not.

There are a few things that jump out as being completely out of order (calling MIL the baby's mum?) but mostly seems like normal IL behaviour to me. Are you sure you want your MiL to look after your baby 2 days a week?

So you only allowed your own mother to touch your baby and not your DPs Mother

That is wrong on so many levels.

everlong - this is not normal grandparent behaviour. period.

usualsuspect - SHOCK HORROR!!! yes I only wanted MY mum to touch my baby. I was not close to baby's grandmother for certain reasons, had been through a traumatic birth and suffered from pnd.

Until you have been through any of that, you can't possibly understand.

The amount of self righteous people on here that think this behaviour is ok lol. wow.

Erm sorry but anyone coming between mother and crying baby is a massive problem. And walking off with the new baby is also a problem. And calling someone else who is not the child's mother "mum" is a problem.

It's not normal at all. It sounds like these gps are very keen to muscle in waaaaay beyond normal boundaries of GP-hood.

I would be very keen to establish boundaries quickly. They sound domineering and very needy.

IAmNotAmused-you're coming across a bit bonkers TBH. I really can't grasp the fact that your mum could touch your baby but your DH's mum couldn't Glad I'm not your MIL. Feel sorry for the poor lady.

Unbelievable

And I would ignore usual suspect. She ALWAYS takes the part of the gps whatever they do and shows zero regard for the fragile state of a new mother.

the op, with all respect to her, sounds like someone who doesnt actually see the situation she is in for what it is.

Its not normal.

I just hope you don't have grandchildren and think it's ok to display ridiculous and suffocating behaviour towards them and their mother. People such as you who condone this and think its 'ok' are the ones who set off a trigger for pnd and serious psychological issues because you don't know when to back off.

Please don't talk to me anymore thanks.

I have 3 grandchildren