To slightly envy single parents

[Nobhead]

I'm not saying that being a single parent must be a walk in the park, I'm sure it's very difficult in many ways (financially, no "break" etc). My DH has been working away since Tuesday so it's just been me and DS but actually it's been quite nice, easier almost. I have been ready for work earlier in the mornings, DS has gone to bed quicker without DH getting him all giddy before bedtime, I have eaten what I want for tea when I want to, watched what I want on TV, been on MN at night. I haven't had to listen to him moan or distract me in the mornings with the "nobhead where is my football kit, keys, wallet, phone?" or spending all night on twitter and showing me every single thing he or anyone else tweets or retweets.
It's only been for 3 nights and I'm sure the novelty would wear off after a while but I have really enjoyed it. DH asked me on Monday night if I would miss him and I said "yes of course" but I must have had a look on my face that said otherwise because he said "no you won't, you can't wait until I go look at your face" I felt really awful but I was secretly looking forward to it. God I'm a bad person and I probably am being totally U.

Been single widowed now for just over 7 years since 3 months before my 3rd daughter was born ,all thanks to a drunk copper. I wouldn't say it's been easy that's for sure,especially as my last daughter has a number of behavioural issues.
If you call it lucky I paid insurance for us both been I was the main earner.
So I guess financially I'm not in as bad a situation I could have been but that dosent replace a physical person and the things you share together.
As most single mums there is no time for yourself ever. Let alone time to look out someone new.
All I suggest is you don't sound over happy with your relationship anyway and maybe it's that you need address you issues with him before if gets too bad.been single is not all fun.you work 24/7 365. You can't be sick you can't be late you deal and decide everything good or bad.
Good luck I hope you sort your issues out.

Now my children are older it's much easier than when I was married (for almost 20 years) but that is because we didn't get on. If we had then being together would be fine.

For me every day is Christmas as he is not there and I can do the things you say too - eat whenever I want - not hungry? No dinner. Want a big meal at 3pm fine just do it. No disputes ever over children. House can be as hot as I like (I pay for everything).

Life is so peaceful despite living with 2 teenagers (3 sons). It is like heaven. It's wonderful.

However it is all underpinned by the fact I've worked for 30 years and earn quite a bit (I paid the ex on the divorce) so at the moment after a lot of decades of paying a mortgage etc we actually have enough money. When I was first divorced with £1.3m of debt and no savings and over drawn and their father choosing not to have the children even a night a year neve rmind 50/50 it was pretty hard.

A good friend of mine has just lost her lovely husband, who died of cancer at 40, days ago. She is now on her own with 3 wonderful dc, want to swop with her? Or my friend who has been a widow for10 years now, bringing up her now teenage son on her own?

I know that it is great not to have to consider anyone else but yourself and your dc , for a while, but the novelty will soon wear off

I am on my own in the week, and I agree it is lovely.... until something goes wrong. When I cut my head open I had no childcare so had to look after small dcs when I had concussion. When ds had a severe allergic reaction as a baby I had to do an emergency run to A&E at 3am, on my own, with a toddler in tow as well. Stuff like that would be s much more manageable with a second adult.

I don't envy single parents, I try (hopefully without being patronising) to offer emergency childcare etc should they ever need back up.

ZOMBIE THREAD

I haven't read the whole thread but I totally get what you mean OP, and I'm not insulted by the comparison or anything daft like that.

It is MILES better, even though I have no back up, have to pay for every single bit of childcare except for one really cool mate (she is gold) who lets me dump the dc on her whenever.

I live miles away from my family (my bad), and the dc's father is an unbridled cunt, he refuses to see them and blames me, pays £6 a week for both because he's forced to, and his family, who are nearby, are all twats as well!!

Even so, I love my life. It's a hard slog at times, and the Groundhog Day element gets to me sometimes (but doesn't it to everyone?), but I love being single, and a parent. The utter joy they bring to me is unprecedented, and the fact that we are not walking on eggshells and enjoying our life together is worth its weight in gold.

Oh bugger!!

Ooh I've popped my zombie thread cherry

YABVU unless your DH is an abusive arsehole?!

I was a single Mum and I had no support and hardly any money but it was a walk in the park for me because my ex Husband did nothing for me and the DC apart from run up thousands of pounds worth of debt and put me through over 8 years worth of abuse.

So I came into my own when I became a single parent as a woman,an adult and a parent.

Just resurrecting this thread Whyyyyyy?! Start a new one!

I imagine being a single parent is better than a rubbish relationship as that's how lots of people end up single...They can't stand their partner. But if you like your partner and they are the first person you would call in a crisis, that must be incredibly hard to go without. My husband regularly works away from home for weeks on end in awkward timezones so no phonecalls , and yes the day to day life is easier but the children miss him and that is hard and he's the only person in the world that loves the children as much as I do and just that fact is a huge safety net even when he's away. And he always comes back -we do have to get used to each other again each time but I am glad to.

Even when I was married I was a single parent, I'm sure I'm not the first to say that.

It does have its advantages, for the first time, he actually pays something towards his kids, buys them clothes etc too and spends time with them, which never happened when we were married.

YABTU I'm afraid.

As a widowed father of two boys I am 100% responsible for every single decision from the most trivial to the most momentous. Absolutely nothing happens unless I make it happen, again from the most trivial to the most momentous. I have no family to provide support. And I don't even get the 'with the ex every other weekend and half the holidays' break.

OH being away for few days doesn't give you any insight into single parenthood.

Considering this morning I had to save pictures of my DS's dad to the computer to show him when he asks who his dad is. Because he has no idea. YABU.

Also in the last 7 days my son asked another male relative in my family if he was DS's dad. So YABVU being a single parent isn't 'fun'

I really like being a single parent and I would never want to live with another man ever again. I value my freedom too much.

There are bad things about being single parent though. The biggest problem is probably the stigma, which still exists. Second is that there is no-one to help when you or your children are sick. Third is the lack of a second income. Fourth is the lack of the extra holiday allowance from a partner's work to help cover some of the school holidays. Going on holiday alone can be a bit rubbish too.

Overall though, I prefer being single. I like making all the decisions myself. Doing what I want when I want. Not having to put up with all kinds of annoying habits, bad moods etc.

I don't think YABU at all.

Well folks y'all 4.5 years too late. Think OP's husband must be back by now

Or not 😆

Then OP got her wish come true

I much prefer being a single parent as I relish my independence and space and am all the stronger emotionally for it. I enjoy deciding how to spend my hard earned income and am good at budgeting.

The only strain is dealing with the male aspects of running a home i.e. the diy and car issues decorating etc. I pay hired help for these.

Luckily my childminder is very cheap but yes the summer school holidays is very pricey. It does add up then and I get down about it when I perceive that everybody else is coupled up and enjoying endless foreign holidays. Where I live about 80 per cent of people go abroad at least twice a year the quality of life is very high.

I don't feel lonely whatsoever though and am very good at being in my own company.

I agree with somebody further up the thread who said that the biggest drawback is the social stigma. There are a great deal of inaccurate assumptions and prejudices about being a single parent e.g. lacking qualifications, much need an urgent rescue by a man etc, live in a council house, loose woman etc.

I would just like to point out that not all single parents get alternative weekends to themselves. I certainly never have. Whereas I did used to get lots of access up until ds was 9 I had to stop access as his dad got violent towards him. So we now only see him twice a year when we have a mini break back in London where he lives and see him for an hour a day.

I feel better for the lack of access to be frank. The lack of me time is a bit crap however. Ds is very used to it just being me and him and I am his brother and sister. Every evening I am endlessly interrupted. It does get easier every year though.

I have no man to answer to and there are still many advantages to being single. I am grateful I have a child and grateful I have learned to become a much stronger person. I just lack single parent friends as I work from home. I don't tend to attract many where I live I only know just two of them but I do see them regularly so that is helpful.

I don't feel at all lonely just sometimes swamped with too many duties that is all.

For anybody reading this do take heart in that every year your children get easier to cope with and every year you have a little more time for you to get on with your own needs e.g. more me time, hobbies, social life and finding friends to mix with. Now ds is nearly 12 I will start going out two evenings a month for 3 hours and join an evening zumba class once a week. Things are picking up somewhat!

I'm tired, so don't know where to begin.

I hear this from time to time. Some married and clueless says in a chipper voice "hubby is away - I'm a single parent like you!"

Er, no, you're not. You're not lonely because there's no-one to chat to, no-one to cuddle, no-one to run things past. You're not knackered from working full-time then doing all the shopping, cleaning, laundry, bill-paying and - at this time of year - all the sodding present shopping.

You're on a little holiday from sharing decisions. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Plenty of people are in marriages like that lizzieoak. But as PollyPelargonium52 says it does get easier and harder in some ways too. Eldest starts driving lessons next month, I'm shitting myself

Sisy, I am sorry about your late wife, but at least you haven't had to make a massive pay out to a spouse as I had. In some senses those who lose a spouse to death are better off than those of us who divorce and then have massive payments to make to an ex wife or husband whilst also being financially and personally responsible for everything or may be my unique position as divorced wife who paid large settlement to husband who chooses not to see or pay for the children is very unusual. I look at the widowed men I know who received a life insurance pay out etc and although nothing makes up for losing someone you love at least they aren't left with massive divorce debt and pay outs to the other spouse. I am not sure they are worse off financially than people in my position.

For those of us who were unhappily married however there is nothing lonelier than being in a bad marriage - loneliest position there is.

(Newb, it will be fine. My youngest 2 passed their tests at 17 this year (100% paid for by me of course and 100% driving practice with me... their father chooses to do nothing.... and I just paid the extra £1k on my car insurance now they are on it, ouch ouch......)

I've not rtft so this has probably been said further up. Yabu!
Being a lone parent sucks. It's being completely alone, financially and emotionally. Knowing that everything is your responsibility. There's no let up ever.
If you're ill then it's just tough shit, you have to suck it up and carry on.
It's always going to school functions alone, having no one to talk things through with. Doing everything alone. (I have friends and family but it's not the same as having a partner/equal).

Being able to watch/eat/do what I want is great but that's where the good stuff ends.
It's exhausting, upsetting, worrying, and thankless.

Ive been both and would rather be a single parent than have the kind of relationship the op describes.

Newbrummie, thing is, people who say they're envious of single parents or who tell me they're "single parents for a week" aren't the ones in terrible, lonely, unbalanced relationships. They just fancy a change because they know that w a snap of the fingers they can have their partner restored. It's just a way of having a little moan from the safety of their married person castle.

Well, this single parent is tired of it. Tired of going to every school event alone, tired of having no-one to share the kids' triumphs and woes with, tired of being their only one to lean on.

Yes, I'd far rather be single than married to the abusive exh. But I'd prefer to be partnered w your run of the mill imperfect person.

Christmas hols can be doubly depressing when you're a single parent.

Lizzie I know, I hate single parenting is rather have not had kids at tbh than this. It's absolutely the worst of both worlds.
But I think there's plenty of miserable married too