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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To slightly envy single parents

230 replies

Nobhead · 07/06/2012 20:42

I'm not saying that being a single parent must be a walk in the park, I'm sure it's very difficult in many ways (financially, no "break" etc). My DH has been working away since Tuesday so it's just been me and DS but actually it's been quite nice, easier almost. I have been ready for work earlier in the mornings, DS has gone to bed quicker without DH getting him all giddy before bedtime, I have eaten what I want for tea when I want to, watched what I want on TV, been on MN at night. I haven't had to listen to him moan or distract me in the mornings with the "nobhead where is my football kit, keys, wallet, phone?" or spending all night on twitter and showing me every single thing he or anyone else tweets or retweets.
It's only been for 3 nights and I'm sure the novelty would wear off after a while but I have really enjoyed it. DH asked me on Monday night if I would miss him and I said "yes of course" but I must have had a look on my face that said otherwise because he said "no you won't, you can't wait until I go look at your face" Sad I felt really awful but I was secretly looking forward to it. God I'm a bad person and I probably am being totally U.

OP posts:
leighqt · 18/10/2014 22:47

Single parent since conception. has been hard ,but I wouldn't change it, and we are both happy

leighqt · 18/10/2014 22:49

Single parent since conception. has been hard ,but I wouldn't change it, and we are both happy

FloatIsRechargedNow · 18/10/2014 23:03

There's obviously all sorts of 'single parents' from the 50/50 (so only a single parent 50% of the time, but what the other 50%?) and the ones that are so every day, every evening, every night and every morning, for everything all of the time, every week, for years on end.

Which kind of single parent do you want to be?

CremeEggThief · 18/10/2014 23:12

When all of the respondibility for everything rests upon you all of the time, you really would not want to be a single parent. Trust me on this, OP.

Chippednailvarnish · 18/10/2014 23:12

Zombie...

happyandsingle · 18/10/2014 23:19

Been a single parent since my daughter was born nearly seven years ago......
So have no experience of parenting her as part of a mum and dad unit. Find it hard to imagine a man being part of our unit now to be honest.
Didn't take offence op because I think marriage can be really hard work,especially if your with a twat.

starlight1234 · 18/10/2014 23:22

Been a single parent is like been a married couple...All different. You had a few days of doing your own thing.

I told my son a few months ago I wasn't working as I was on holiday. He replied you are never on holiday you have to look after me. He is 7.

You live with what you have. I certainly never planned to be a LP. I am happier without Ex that doesn't mean it is ideal. Doesn't mean it wouldn't be easier with a loving supportive partner. however I don't do what if I make the best of what I do have and enjoy it.

WilburIsSomePig · 18/10/2014 23:39

DH works away Monday to Friday. I do everything at home with the DC's and their never ending clubs, I work etc. I don't believe my life is in any way like a single parents. DH earns decent money for a start and when he's home at the weekends he does loads with the DC's. Today he took them out all day because I felt shit and desperately wanted to sleep so I went back to bed for a few hours. Just like that.

FrontForward · 18/10/2014 23:43

Zombie...

whatever5 · 18/10/2014 23:44

Being a single parent would obviously be preferable for some people. It depends on how good your relationship is.

superstarheartbreaker · 18/10/2014 23:47

Yabu. Single parenthood is tough. I'd love to have some support. Plus the prejudice from society dosnt make it easier.

DragonMamma · 18/10/2014 23:47

I was a SP for 2 years and honestly didn't mind it at all. I worked part time and then full time and coped Ok. Reasons the OP has stated are why I liked being on my own with DD, I liked not being resentful if I felt somebody wasnt pulling their weight at all.

As it happened, I met my now DH who worked away full time for the first 18mo after us getting together which was a nice transition period befor living together full time. Now, he's the best and we pull together so on balance, I'd rather be with him than alone.

I felt the middle period hardest as it was SP during the week, whilst working FT and latterly being pregnant, with the added pressure of trying to free the weekend up for fun things and family time.

alicemalice · 18/10/2014 23:50

Well I'm a single parent and am not offended by the OP. She may be going through a phase before separating.

I know I certainly felt the same as she did when my ex went away for a few days - just the relief of not having him around. Life is much harder now in lots of ways, but in other ways, it's also easier and it feels like a burden has lifted.

superstarheartbreaker · 18/10/2014 23:56

I think it would be better if so item wasn't so undermining towards single mums. About 50 years ago most of us would have been down the work house.

I'd like to see society praise the parents of either gender that stayed and question the parents of either gender that leave. Parenting is tough ... Get over it. Relationships are tough after children... Get used to it. Full respect to the parent who stays.... Regardless of gender.

ThAt said full respect to couples who can see that being together is NOT best for the kids. Maybe society needs to rethink the nuclear family " ideal".

Sparklypants · 18/10/2014 23:57

I'm a single parent to a 17yr old and 3 yr old.

I do love having my bed to myself (though no lie ins, ever) but that's about it. It's hard work and lonely. It breaks my heart when I have a proud moment and don't have the other parent to share it with (I never have). I always seem to be the only one at school things and regularly feel like a failure for not being able to provide what every other child that I know has, a mother and a father.

Financially, it's a constant juggling act (I don't even get a fiver a week since DS (3) waste of space father has disapeared).

As for being ill (which I always seem to be because I'm so run down), it's not much fun still getting up at 5am everyday and having to function because there's no one else to take up the slack.

superstarheartbreaker · 18/10/2014 23:58

Would like to add that although I'm finding single parenthood tough , I'm so glad I'm not with dds father now. I just wish I'd found decent men whilst young.

superstarheartbreaker · 19/10/2014 00:00

In our area sparkly pants not every child has a mum and dad. I know what you mean but really... If he's a shit dad he's best off out. Xx

Sparklypants · 19/10/2014 00:03

alice
I totally agree with what you said. Even though life is sometimes incredibly hard as a single parent it's also preferable to being in an unhappy relationship (been there, done that!)

Also not offended.

I just want a bloody lie in!...maybe in 10 years :-(

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 19/10/2014 00:05

I haven't yet read the full thread but I'm sure a lot of people are offended at your OP. Personally, as a single parent, I love it! Wish I'd done it years ago. However, I know I'm one of the lucky ones who does get maintenance paid by XH and I do get a night a week to myself.

I'm also lucky enough to have a wonderful boyfriend who has restored my faith in men, is loving and affectionate and makes my child free time a total joy.

Without him I suspect the loneliness of my child free nights might have taken the shine off it a little, although I am still in a much better position work/finance-wise than I was with XH here. I work at home part time and I'm happy pottering on my own most of the time, so actually having the TV to myself and a bit of peace is nothing new.

Trick0rTreatSmellMyFeet · 19/10/2014 00:07

I think people in unhappy marriages probably do envy single mothers, not the ones who are recently single because it's hard getting back on your feet. But I don't find the idea that somebody in an unhappy marriage with an annoying husband envying me offensive or incomprehensible. I'd think, uh yeh! I had some really tough years though, a good while back now though.

Sparklypants · 19/10/2014 00:07

superstar oh god I know! I often wonder what our lives would be like with DS father still around and it makes my blood run cold! Doesn't mean I dont wish he had been different.

if wishes were fishes I'd have an entire ocean full

Trick0rTreatSmellMyFeet · 19/10/2014 00:08

oh good, I'm glad I'm not the only one who is far from offended that people in bad relationships envy us. sure why wouldn't they?

JeanSeberg · 19/10/2014 00:08

This thread is 2 years old...

superstarheartbreaker · 19/10/2014 00:09

I just wish I'd had dd with one of those nice, kind , loving and yet hot men that my friends seem to have had!

MrsRaegan · 19/10/2014 00:15

Which part is it that you envy OP? The working full time, so seeing less of DS than I would like? The fact that even at 14 months old I haven't had a full nights sleep since the day he was born because he still doesn't sleep through? Or maybe it's the constant worry that I'm making the wrong decision, and having no one to discuss it with.

YABU.