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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To slightly envy single parents

230 replies

Nobhead · 07/06/2012 20:42

I'm not saying that being a single parent must be a walk in the park, I'm sure it's very difficult in many ways (financially, no "break" etc). My DH has been working away since Tuesday so it's just been me and DS but actually it's been quite nice, easier almost. I have been ready for work earlier in the mornings, DS has gone to bed quicker without DH getting him all giddy before bedtime, I have eaten what I want for tea when I want to, watched what I want on TV, been on MN at night. I haven't had to listen to him moan or distract me in the mornings with the "nobhead where is my football kit, keys, wallet, phone?" or spending all night on twitter and showing me every single thing he or anyone else tweets or retweets.
It's only been for 3 nights and I'm sure the novelty would wear off after a while but I have really enjoyed it. DH asked me on Monday night if I would miss him and I said "yes of course" but I must have had a look on my face that said otherwise because he said "no you won't, you can't wait until I go look at your face" Sad I felt really awful but I was secretly looking forward to it. God I'm a bad person and I probably am being totally U.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 08/06/2012 00:00

But you have not had to deal with 2 children at softplay, where one got badly hurt by another, and you had to deal with both your childrens needs, consoling one and keeping the other cheerful, while also deal with management, go home, alone, ponder it all, and put them both to bed, and get up next day on your own, get ready for work, take kids to school, go to work, pick up kids, take them swimming, come home, make dinner, do homework with them, get on with housework, do the laundry, while they have supper, put them to bed..... And start all over again the next day all on your own?

You have had a few days on your own. So have I, as dh has been away since last Thursday morning, due home Saturday night. I cant wait for him to come home and I can have a lie in on monday morning.

wild · 08/06/2012 00:04

If you seriously want a lp lifestyle go for it op. No one's stopping ya
ffs

Moominsarescary · 08/06/2012 00:11

Yes its great being on your own when their ill, or your ill. Or when the baby just won't sleep and all you want is a coffee in peace.

A couple of days lovely, all the time is hard

strictlycomedancingdiva · 08/06/2012 00:20

YABU

3 nights is nothing, and I used to enjoy that sort of break when married, until I found out about an OW he met up with whilst he was working away! Sad

3DC and a stressful job for me is no walk in the park, I can assure you!

Morloth · 08/06/2012 00:24

I think YABU.

I do enjoy it when DH is travelling for work, as does he. But this because it is different and novel.

I wouldn't want to have to do everything myself, I wouldn't want to have to work really hard to support my boys by myself. I wouldn't want to have no-one to snuggle every night etc.

I think if the choice is a crap man or no man, then definitely would go for the 'no man' option, but that isn't my choice.

My dad died when I was still a child and my mum had to hold it together for us, my life is about a million times easier than hers was just due to the presence of my DH.

scuzy · 08/06/2012 00:34

in my own circumstances it is worse actually being a single parent but keeping up a pretence and showing the world am in a happy loving relationship. have often dreamt of being a single mum.

exoticfruits · 08/06/2012 08:07

It is such a shame, LucieMay- I don't think that people realise, when they open it up to others, how much it rubs in the situation to the child.
I think people are viewing it from whether they were happily married or not but even then - sitting on a beach, watching everyone playing 'happy families' is hard - even if you were pleased to get out of a bad relationship.

invicta · 08/06/2012 08:15

Why ha s this post received so many negative views. The poster states that being a single parent is not always a bed of roses in her opening sentence. She just happen to state that she sometimes enjoys the 'freedom' of doing what she likes when she likes when her hubby is away. She wasn't wasn't trying to be offensive, but was obviously surprised how she felt. I know many mums who enjoy being in this situation.

youarekidding · 08/06/2012 08:22

All the points you made about watching and eating what you want and doing what you want are the positives to being a LP. There does have to be some. Wink

It gets very tedious and boring though and you do start to wish there was someone to curl up on the sofa with, someone to do the cooking, someone to discuss the TV programmes with.

exoticfruits · 08/06/2012 08:25

She is getting negative views because we can all enjoy a few days on her own- it is nothing like having to cope alone with DCs who are managing life without a father.

civilfawlty · 08/06/2012 08:27

I find this hugely offensive. You have no freakin idea what it's like. No idea at all.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 08/06/2012 08:32

I enjoyed it for about a week, then I found it lonely and isolating. I am so much happier with DP here, I sleep better and wake up with a smile more often knowing he'll be home in the evening. :)

CrunchyFrog · 08/06/2012 08:59

Maybe the OP should have said she envies some single parents.

I do find it quite amusing that some people are so threatened and offended by the notion that other people might not think their lives are shit.

IME, being married is terrifically hard work, I wouldn't do it for all the tea in China. I feel sorry for married people, actually, they don't know what they're missing. Grin

Signed, a non-lonely, never-isolated, happy-as-a-clam single mother.

sensuallettuce · 08/06/2012 09:06

Maybe the OP. shoud have just said sometimes she enjoys a break from her husband - rather than comparing it to years of struggling to hold everything together and being the only responsible adult in her DC's lives (when that wasn't how she really wanted to bring them up).

She didn't mean to offend IMO - but it is this kind of flippant remark that happily marrieds my smug sister make.

knowitallstrikesagain · 08/06/2012 09:11

YABU

The single mothers you envy are the ones who are financially stable, receive decent child maintenance, have every other weekend free because their DC's devoted father has them and cares for them well, you have open communication with ExP so discuss all major issues which arise with a child but have complete autonomy over anything you want to, you keep to your own timetable and don't have to compromise in your own home, DCs feel loved and like they have 2 families.

The reality is often quite different!

FallenCaryatid · 08/06/2012 09:12

I enjoy having the house to myself, who wouldn't? Especially after almost 30 years of living together.
But to be single with dependent children? To know that if you were seriously ill or hospitalised there would be no consistency for them. To know if you died your children would have to take their chances with relatives or SS?
To never have anyone to back you up with parenting decisions, help with finances, be an adult you can have a conversation with.
That's very tough. Hats off to anyone who made that choice, it must have taken a lot of courage.

knowitallstrikesagain · 08/06/2012 09:13

BTW, if the situation I described above was guaranteed, I might just go for it! Grin

SoupDragon · 08/06/2012 09:21

"a few days" is chuff all like being a single parent.

elastamum · 08/06/2012 09:32

YABVU as you have probelby worked out by now. Playing at being a single parent is nothing like the real deal. I work FT, pay all the bills and constantly worry about what would happen if I lost my job, got ill, died etc etc.

Being a LP isnt just about choosing which channel to watch on TV and lying in bed eating chocolate Hmm

CrunchyFrog · 08/06/2012 09:34

Isn't it?

Wink
exoticfruits · 08/06/2012 09:43

The problem is that lots of people didn't make the choice, it was made for them.

GsyAutumn · 08/06/2012 09:57

I guess it is all down to circumstances. I have 100% responsibility for my DCs and have done since DD was 5 months old - she's now 6 and DS is 8. That is in terms of finances, childcare, decisions - everything. I have a few family members (mum, cousin) who help me juggle a fairly stressful job, plus part time work to meet the horrific mortgage costs.

I genuinely thought I needed someone else for a while, and had a DP for just under a year. We split up a few months back, right after I mc. Thought it was going to be my chance to have a "proper family", but, in light of everything that has happened, I have realised that my little unit of me and the DCs is, of course, a proper family.

It can get really, really lonely sometimes, and when I am sad about stuff I tend to talk to my dog....But I genuinely appreciate the freedom to manage my own life and that of the children. Being a single parent was never something I imagined - I was married, we planned the DCs, and I never thought I could manage all this. But, in fact, although the choice was made by exH, I think we are better off as we are. Mostly sad for my DCs though, having to find ways to explain why their dad never sends cards or phones.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 08/06/2012 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateSpade · 08/06/2012 10:29

I love being a single patent, id rather be happy on my own, than unhappy in a relationship! Smile

KateSpade · 08/06/2012 10:29

Parent, stupid IPhone!