To slightly envy single parents

[Nobhead]

I'm not saying that being a single parent must be a walk in the park, I'm sure it's very difficult in many ways (financially, no "break" etc). My DH has been working away since Tuesday so it's just been me and DS but actually it's been quite nice, easier almost. I have been ready for work earlier in the mornings, DS has gone to bed quicker without DH getting him all giddy before bedtime, I have eaten what I want for tea when I want to, watched what I want on TV, been on MN at night. I haven't had to listen to him moan or distract me in the mornings with the "nobhead where is my football kit, keys, wallet, phone?" or spending all night on twitter and showing me every single thing he or anyone else tweets or retweets.
It's only been for 3 nights and I'm sure the novelty would wear off after a while but I have really enjoyed it. DH asked me on Monday night if I would miss him and I said "yes of course" but I must have had a look on my face that said otherwise because he said "no you won't, you can't wait until I go look at your face" I felt really awful but I was secretly looking forward to it. God I'm a bad person and I probably am being totally U.

I've been a single parent for over two years now, and I would NOT go back, not for anything. I am solely responsible financially, I too have no safety net to speak of, but I'd much rather that than be back where I was.

hatesponge - if your ex is such a feckless twat, surely you are better off being a single parent?

I'm not insulted. I love being a single parent, it's great.

Obviously I am lucky in many ways, supportive family, fantastic friends, XH is not a bad person, we just weren't suited (we've had ups and downs but manage well at the moment.) I have work, never wanted much in the way of material stuff anyway so I'm perfectly happy.

What's more, the kids are happier too.

I've been on my own for 3 years, Mum was a single parent and tells me that loneliness will kick in sooner or later, but I can't see that happening any time soon. Obviously it wasn't all rosy from day one, the first eighteen months were pretty shit, but it's all good now.

I didn't mean to stamp my feet so dramatically but yes that text was sent.....The reality is if you rear your children alone .....the day to day process will turn you into a hag (ok- turned me into a hag). At the end of the rearing phase and your kids turn into socially responsible millionaires......it was all your fine work .....However, if they mug grannies.....that's your fault for being a shit parent! .

Kind of similar to the stock market, the rewards are huge but the losses could cripple you!

YABU!!! I am a single parent, dd is 3, been single since she was 16 weeks old!! My ex was absent until last year and has her a max of 6 hours a week. I have no support, no financial support, no babysitter, no free time, work/childcare to juggle alone....plus the crippling loneliness!!The novelty will wear off when its day in day out. And yes, it has its plus points and I'm sure 'playing' single parent is fun but when you have the day to day stuff to deal with alone its damn hard!! Lets hope it doesn't become a reality for you OP, if you want further insight check out the Lone Parents topic!

I didn't get weekends off when I was single parent either!

Behind every single parent I know there is a sad and painful story of a relationship break up. I suffered debilitating heartbreak and loneliness at being left for another woman which took me at least 18 months to get over. I used to get annoyed at married friends saying "god I feel like a single mother" because they'd been on their own for a week. It's so much more than just being the only grown up in the house and getting the remote control to yourself. It's the thinking you might be alone forever and every parenting decision and emotional and financial responsibility being on your shoulders - as well as fearing there might be a negative impact on your DC of never having a decent SF/ DF.

Chunkythighs - so sorry for your loss

YABU. That's all I will say

I don't get weekends off. My last night off was over 2 years ago, I am getting my second one this August . So 2.6yrs between good night sleeps.

I am always terrified I will die and the DC's will be on their own.

But, it's better than being in an abusive relationship.

YABU - I haven't had a weekend off in 13 years!

I love the bones of my children but being solely responsible for them (as well as my elderly mother) has worn me down. Your idea of life as a single parent is a fantasy which I hope you never have to experience for real - it's no fun .

Giraffe

Every day I make a mental note not to fuck my son up. Honestly that really is the worst part for me. My husband was the sane one- I was the one with womb that's all!

Yabu

I was a single parent for several years and I can honestly say I loved it. I loved the financial independence, that my wage was mine and didn't have to go beyond me and the kids and the house, that I didn't have to justify my expenditure, or where I was going of a day, or have to conflict over parenting styles. I could have my friends over without anyone whinging they were round too long and I didn't have to share my bed with a farting snorting snoring oaf of a man.

Then I met DP and I love him, I love being in a relationship, I love raising the children together, I love sharing the load, I love having that farting snorting snoring oaf of a man in my bed because he gives awesome cuddles and in all honesty it was cuddles that I missed the most when I was on my own. Yes the kids cuddle you but it's not the same, not the same as the bear hug your partner gives you that tells you you're loved without having to say it.

My DP is an arse, but he's my arse, and I love him to bits. But by god do I appreciate it when he's away and I get some time out!!

YABU to envy single parents, YANBU to enjoy your peace and quiet.

Sometimes I wonder.
My dp is a useless git, so is often easier when he's away with work or whatever, one less person to look after and then I sometimes think that if we were separated, I'd get a decent break from the kids because he would have them at some point on a weekend and I could get some peace.
I think I am very disillusioned though and that's not how it'd be, but I kind of kwym OP.

I'm a single mum.
Don't really see what the big deal is about being by myself.

I happy to make all the parenting decisions by myself, to shoulder the emotional financial responsibilities. I'm perfectly able to look after DD. And I agree that at times it's easier by yourself.

It would be nice however to have someone to share holidays with or weekends away. And I miss sex. Thats what I miss most!

And not all single parents get weekends/holidays off, some of us do it on our own 365 days a year.

I don't think you ABU. I don't think feeling the way you do means your relationship is poor. I think you're human and you're enjoying you own space.

do feel free to file for divorce op, if you think it's so fab
single parenthood's an option for everyone, not just the priveleged few

Bit of a silly thread in a way due to the diversity of happily married versus happily single and unhappy ditto

For myself love being single with 2 teen DC , bit of a well kept secret as in you only ever hear about negatives but actually its a peaceful happy existence

I haven't read all the replies, but I would say no, not unreasonable. I've been a single mum for about 8 months and it is a hell of a lot easier than being with my ex!
My children are calmer and easier to get to bed. Things get done as I'm not waiting for him to 'help' and then being let down. I get to please myself once they are in bed..
The lack of a break is bloody small fry compared to the crap I endured in my marriage. I'm even better off financially as he's not pissing away all the cash!

I'm sure there are downsides, but I have yet to notice any..
So, no. I know what you mean. It's not really the single parent bit I think you envy, it's the having a bit of space to yourself. Can you work that into your relationship on a more regular basis?

I think part of my feeling like this is that my DH can be a bit of a man child at times and he can't make decisions and constantly needs reassurance that what he is wearing or his hair looks good, what he is writing on twitter is ok and won't offend anyone. Even when I reassure him he looks good, smart, hot etc. he keeps asking again and again but puts it a different way like saying " are you sure you can't see my love handles in this? are my jeans too tight? are you sure? I think he's insecure and it can be draining and frustrating at times I think it's all that I don't miss.
We were in a shop the other day and DH wanted to try some shoes on in his size. I said "there's an assistant over there" and I went off to find DS who was dancing to the music in the corner of the shop After a couple of mins I said to DH "has she gone getting them?" he said "She walked past me so I'm waiting for her to come back to ask her" I replied "but she might not come back past you" there were 3 other assistants working in the shop he could have asked them. He obviously couldn't be arsed to walk over to another person to ask them . I took the shoes and asked someone for them.
He has confidence when talking to others and can happily talk to strangers at weddings etc so it's not that he has problems communicating he is just bone idle I think.

i am very happy with my life and i am a single parent

but i am in a good position no issues with ex seeing ds every weekend staying most saturdays, i have a good relationship with my ex (though 2 years were terrible), we make decisions over ds together and no real money worries. i have my time to myself which i enjoy

but saying all this it can be very lonely too, i would rather be sharing fulll responsibility of bringing up ds as i do all the hard work, i would like the emotional support and most of all i really want ds to have a family life i feel he does miss out :(

Well, your username is certainly apt.

Redbushed that sounds like my DH, things don't get done, I ask for help says he will but takes an age to do it until I remind him again and he tells me to stop being so bossy and stop "managing" him like he's someone in my team (I am a manager in my job). I have just got on with what needs doing this week without procrastinating and in that sense it's been easier.

Sigh.

I certainly don't miss my Ex. If I'd been afraid of being a single parent I wouldn't have ended it with him 4 years ago. I have never regretted that decision for one moment.

What I miss is something I never had with him - a mutually supportive, non abusive relationship. I appreciate that no-one's relationship is perfect, but when you've been hit, stolen from, you and your children been belittled and bullied, when you've been told you're a nothing a million times, little day to day squabbles over who's watching what on TV seem somewhat insignficant to worry about.

I would love to have had a relationship where those were the worst kind of issues.

chunky

Have this . And go easy on yourself. I bet you're not fucking him up.

It is just a novelty- I love a few days and nights to myself -but it is only because I am happily married- being a widow and responsible for everything was quite different.