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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by the amount of Stepford wives on Mumsnet

289 replies

LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 05/06/2012 13:09

So many women on here either this it's fine to do everything in the house and with the children, or don't think it's fine yet put up with it. I simply could not live with an adult who thought they were more important and more deserving of leisure time than me. Why do they all put up with it?

OP posts:
PerryCombover · 05/06/2012 13:10

I don't know, I'll ask my husband what he thinks when he gets back from golf

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 05/06/2012 13:11

No idea.

I was the ultimate Stepford wife when married and then he left me for a 21 year old. So if I ever settle down again, I will not be doing the same. I was also heavily co dependant though, but I didn't realise at the time. It wasn't healthy.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 05/06/2012 13:13

Kind of agree, but the crux is about equal leisure time, not equal amounts of housework, so I think if one person WOH for 60 hrs per week, and the other is a SAHP with both kids in school, then the SAHP should be doing more housework. However, I sense you are not talking about those sort of situations.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 13:14

Some people are just like that...they're happy in what they see as traditional roles.

My Mum and Dad were very happily married for nearly 50yrs before my Mum died and they had very traditional roles.

It worked for them and made them happy.

It wouldn't work for me and my DH because that's just not how we are.

MyRoyalLentillyness · 05/06/2012 13:16

Precisely worra - don't quite get what the OP's getting all aerated about. Unless one party is unhappy with a particular arrangement then it's piss all to do with anyone else - isn't it? You just find what works for you and go with it - I'm not sure it should be up for judgement.

thestringcheesemassacre · 05/06/2012 13:19

Well my husband has been away 5 days for a stag to Asia. (does he win?)
Seriously though, we both have time apart, and very much are in agreement about work/life/home balance.

I cant stand men that don't Help around the home or with their OWN children.

LadyTeeAndBiscuits · 05/06/2012 13:20

Also agree with worra.

It's not your marriage. It's none of your business.

And if they come on here to moan, perhaps that's all it is; a moan. Just like we moan about our children but wouldn't give them away for the world. Well, maybe lend them out for a bit, but never give them away.

I am in a very traditional marriage and I am very happy with it. I cook, clean, look after our son and run my freelance company part time. My husband does some household stuff, but not nearly as much as I do. I do it so he can concentrate on flunking first years. Grin

JoanOfNark · 05/06/2012 13:21

If they think its fine to do everything in the house and with the children, who are you tell them they are wrong?

If thats the life they have chosen, its none of your business. Wouldn't work for me, but its not my business either.

JoannaFight · 05/06/2012 13:22

I've said it many times on mn. Who cares how other people choose to live? The dynamics within a family are the concern only of those living in it surely?

MrGin · 05/06/2012 13:22

I'd echo what Worra said. My parents have been married for over 50 years, also with traditional roles. They're still happy with each other, they have their ups and downs, but it works for them.

CurrySpice · 05/06/2012 13:25

MN never ceases to amaze me Grin

Whatmeworry · 05/06/2012 13:27

So many women on here either this it's fine to do everything in the house and with the children, or don't think it's fine yet put up with it. I simply could not live with an adult who thought they were more important and more deserving of leisure time than me. Why do they all put up with it?

Zealot 101 - Assume that as you don't like, 100% of other people therefore shouldn't like it either - and those that do are just wrong, the blind fools.

Cassettetapeandpencil · 05/06/2012 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 05/06/2012 13:28

You are accusing MNers of being robots?

I think we would have heard if someone had managed to pass the Turing test.

MrsCampbellBlack · 05/06/2012 13:28

Well I do pretty much all domestic/childcare stuff but I get leisure time - probably considerably more than my DH does and I also have an awful lot less stress in my life.

But do judge away Smile

knowitallstrikesagain · 05/06/2012 13:29

YABU

morethanpotatoprints · 05/06/2012 13:30

Aren't stepford wives all supposed to be the same, like clones. They certainly were on the film. As now there is so much diversity in the arrangement of womens lives, I can't see there being a typical stepford wife.

Teeb · 05/06/2012 13:30

Agreeing with Worra also, people shouldn't be judged for what they do within their own marriage.

tinkerbel72 · 05/06/2012 13:33

Agree with what richmanpoorman says. Some couples choose to have a set up where the wife stays at home or at least really let's her career take a back seat, while the husband takes on the earning role singlehandedly. It wouldn't suit a lot of couples, particularly in this day and age when women have access to the same education and career options as men. But if it suits certain couples, and they've really thought through the long term implications then its their business. IME many women don't really look at the knock ons long term though. It might suit them for a few years but then they can feel left behind and frustrated later on

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 13:33

MN can be quite extreme at times though and a few people just assume a relationship is one sided without asking any questions.

Mention ironing your DH's work shirts and you (depending on whose around) are quite likely to be his with a barrages of "Why on earth doesn't he iron them himself? Is he some kind of Mummy's boy? It's not your job" etc...

Before the OP may come back and say "Errr..because he's just done the shopping, bathed the kids, mopped the floor and is now cooking dinner" Confused

knowitallstrikesagain · 05/06/2012 13:33

Aren't stepford wives all supposed to be the same, like clones

We all agree with Worra

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 13:34

*hit with a barrage of...

AliceInSandwichLand · 05/06/2012 13:35

If they don't think it's fine but put up with it, they have a problem. If (like me) they do think it's fine and are perfectly happy with it (and so are their partners!), then that's up to them, unless they are trying to impose their views on others and think everyone else should have the same sort of relationship that they do!

Sootikin · 05/06/2012 13:35

What Mrs C-B said.

I do all the house stuff but get far more leisure time than him as I don't work and my kids are in school.

Can't imagine much worse than sharig it all 50:50 and having to go to work! Shock

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 13:35

We all agree with Worra

You're all fucking mad and need to get out more Grin