Was I unreasonable here.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I was going to name change for this but don't think it is necessery. Anyway here goes.

My DP, me and our DS1 live in quite a nice area. We are on first name terms with the three neighbours to the left of us and are quite friendly you know the sort of thing popping in for a cuppa, and neighbourhoog get togethers as well as lists of contact number and spare keys to one anothers homes.

Anyway to the right hand side there are how do I put this delicately?? a couple of properties where the famliy's/tenants are less then salubrious police visits are numerous and their genral behaviour is frightful for example their children seem to think it is more than acceptable to trespass on private property by climbing over the wrought iron work and playing chase across the four front gardens.

So today my DP and his father popped out for an hour whilst I stayed in with our DS1 whist he napped. Anway the door bell went and as bold as brass a member of the family to the right had the audacity to knock on the scrounge. We had just had a delivery of baby related items a new supply of nappies and formula you know the sort of thing. She stood on the doorstep and asked if I had some spare baby formula and nappies as they were sort this week. I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them. Ha what a nerve I think she has that very wrong and how we would help the people to the left (which I would as they put their famlies and children first).

The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky

under normal circumstances not an issue but if you can not afford to look after your child then some if not all the above are not needed, and surely any parent would put their child first before luxury items.

Was I unreasonable to turn her down based on the above grounds or should I have helped?

Thanks xx

I had a similiar issue this last weekend when we were on the train. We were sat at a table and had items plugged into the sockets under the table. After about 20 minutes a woman said "Come on now, you've had it for 20 minutes let some-else have a go." Not even a question or a please in the mix so of course we didn't offer to unplug our items as they were still in use.

At the one hour mark she started swearing at us (and she had 2 young children with her) because we were still using the sockets. This did not help her cause, she then went to complain to the train manager who I assume told her unless she was sitting at the table she had no right to plug in and trail items across the people who were there and she continued to mutter "selfish b#tch" and similiar until she got off the train

I am glad we declined her request and I would do so again. If I were asked in a nicer manner or given the circumstances (emergency and needed a phone charge) I might re-consider. The same principles apply in this case and I think the OP has the right to say no.

I can't seem to leave this thread alone.

I need someone to drag me off it.

Yummy mummy ( I can't type that without wanting to die) that doesn't mean that you're never going to be in a position where you need help. Think about that next time you deny a child a nappy.

reblecket have you posted in the right thread? Because I don't see how you can compare the two

OP have you ever been in a situation where even £2.75 for Aldi nappies and wipes is more than you can afford until you get paid? It doesn't sound like it.

It also sounds as if you did not give this woman time to explain if she intended to reimburse you for the items.

The more you explain, the bigger the hole you have dug yourself into becomes. Just accept that the majority of people on here think you were BU, and maybe take comfort in the few that feel YWNBU. And for the future remember; karma is a BITCH.

Magneto a RP accent? I am unsure what this is.

rebecklet thank you I am sure that manners don't cost anything although I might be wrong.

xx

The more I see UsualSuspect, the more I love her. Always there fighting for the underdog

Listen to the ady, she talks perfect sense!

MOOT!!!

I agree rebecklet if you were genuinely in need you wohld give a polite explaination if anything i would be overly polite as i would know i was asking for a favour.

We once had to ask the most "shameless" like family on the street if they had any spare electricity tokens. It was 7pm on a Sunday and there wasn't a shop open for miles around. This family regularly had visits from the police, vandalised cars and stole other kids bikes etc to name but a few things.

But they offered us a £10 electricity token without a second thought. Sometimes people surprise you and a little kindness can go a long way.

RP

The OP is not obligated to help out a neighbour who has basically ignored her since she moved in but then comes knocking for a favour.

And it's ok to say no. You don't have to give simply because someone asked. The neighbour didn't take the no with much grace, which would have had me thinking, glad I didn't give!

Besides, before you beg from your neighbours don't you first find out what other means of support/hand-outs may be available to you, like church, charities or social services?

I've been in dire circumstances myself but would never have the gall to go banging on my neighbour's door and still question their response because it's not the one I want. But then, I have more pride than that.

Cheeky, cheeky, cheeky mare!

BellaOfTheBalls I have never been in that situation so perhaps don't fully understand the situation in question. She didn't say anything much other than to ask for the items and then question the response before stomping down the front path and slamming the gate. If she had any intention would she not have mentioned this before storming off. Oddly enough Karma is a bitch (my friends puppy)

xx

I hear ya Usual this thread is very moreish

That's great that YOU would do that angelicstar, frankly I don't need people to arselick me before I do them a favour.

Yellowraincoat. Since when is asking for something politely arselicking????

Magneto thank you for the link.

MeCookGoodSock thank you perhaps if she was a little more graceful then I wouldn't have stood my ground as much as I have done. Also basically ignoring us until they needed something does make me ???? her motives.

xx

mecook I weren't aware that if I rang the social services they'll come zipping around with some nappies for me.

This was obviously a case of them running out and needing some then and there

Is that too hard for you to grasp??

Some people just love the power trip yellowraincoat they love the power they have over the little person practically begging for their help.

This thread is hilarious.

It's also a wind up

WhiteWidow, I hear they give out emergency loans? Besides, surely they would have contacts to charities who could/would help?

from round these ere parts saying 'love' after a request is more polite than saying please, believe or or not

oh FGS when will people realise that the OP was not under any obligation to give the neighbour anything. She didn't deny the baby milk and formula it was the bad organisation (or whatever it was) of the parents - its not her responsibility at all and she's totally entitled to say no.

If I went out for the day and forgot nappies/wipes and asked a stranger for some and they said no I would not then say it was their fault that my baby was left in a dirty nappy - no it would be my fault and my responsibility to sort it out.

If someone came up to you and asked for £5 (the price of a pack of nappies) would you just give it to them?

angelicstar I agree manners don't cost a thing and a well placed please is never the wrong thing to do.

WhiteWidow it has nothing to do power at all.

usualsuspect It is't a wind up as I have stated time and time again.

xx

WhiteWidow, the comparison is about the way in which you make a request, if it really were an emergency and not just someone trying it on then you would expect an explanation and then their background would make no impact on your decision but it seems the OP wasn't presented with an explanation, just an ask.

I agree angelicstar manners cost nothing.

To give another example, a few years ago we were in a villa with a very troubled family next door who got into all sorts of trouble during the holiday. On the last day, one of the girls came and asked for conditioner as they had run out and were only there for one more day so could they borrow half a cup. It didn't matter they had kept us up with loud music during the holiday as she asked nicely and it was a reasonable request so of course I gave them the conditioner.