Was I unreasonable here.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I was going to name change for this but don't think it is necessery. Anyway here goes.

My DP, me and our DS1 live in quite a nice area. We are on first name terms with the three neighbours to the left of us and are quite friendly you know the sort of thing popping in for a cuppa, and neighbourhoog get togethers as well as lists of contact number and spare keys to one anothers homes.

Anyway to the right hand side there are how do I put this delicately?? a couple of properties where the famliy's/tenants are less then salubrious police visits are numerous and their genral behaviour is frightful for example their children seem to think it is more than acceptable to trespass on private property by climbing over the wrought iron work and playing chase across the four front gardens.

So today my DP and his father popped out for an hour whilst I stayed in with our DS1 whist he napped. Anway the door bell went and as bold as brass a member of the family to the right had the audacity to knock on the scrounge. We had just had a delivery of baby related items a new supply of nappies and formula you know the sort of thing. She stood on the doorstep and asked if I had some spare baby formula and nappies as they were sort this week. I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them. Ha what a nerve I think she has that very wrong and how we would help the people to the left (which I would as they put their famlies and children first).

The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky

under normal circumstances not an issue but if you can not afford to look after your child then some if not all the above are not needed, and surely any parent would put their child first before luxury items.

Was I unreasonable to turn her down based on the above grounds or should I have helped?

Thanks xx

OP I don't think you were BU. You are not a charity and asking 'are you sure' was taking the piss.

20 cigarettes will buy a week's supply of nappies and formula.

I would have given her the formula and nappies but it would have been a one off.

What other circumstances?

If they were your nice neighbours who's DCs didn't play in your garden?

I honestly think a small gesture like giving them a few nappies is what life is all about, you help someone if you are able, if you need help in the future, someone might be able to help you.

It's a simple act of human kindness and you feeling so angry about that is quite sad IMHO, it's just a nice thing to do, irrelevant of whether you think these people are beneath you.

If everyone had the same attitude as you and your DP, no one would ever receive any help, support or kindness from another human being, I think that would be an awful way to live.

What Tantrums said.

How lovely that people cook for newcomers to the street. Maybe they mistakenly thought you would help out again after cooking for them?

did you cook for them op?

tantrums I will bet you a bazillion quid that i know what ops answer will be xx

And OP, maybe if you interacted with this woman, you'd find a brilliant mate.
It sounds like you judge too quickly.
Welcome her kids in your garden, when your little one is older he'll be surrounded with kids to play with.

Hairylemon, I bet we are both thinking no

After all, what do you cook for these type of people xx

So were the police there yesterday just to tell them their kids shouldn't be in other peoples gardens?

If they were, shame on whichever person reported them, bunch of busybodies with nothing better to do than waste police time.

I'm thinking no aswell, but only because it will transpire that the op moved in after they did thus avoiding said awkward question.

I'm one if these types of people. We don't eat proper food, we just pool the contents of the ashtrays and eat that washed down with a can of breaker xx

Same here, as long as we have fags and booze, who needs to eat.

We could easily get through £20 worth of nappies in 2 weeks when DD was a newborn. Formula is also hellishly expensive for a struggling family, especially if you don't live close enough to a supermarket or can't afford to run a car so depend on corner shops or local chemists with their inflated prices and find yourself in such a pickle you have to get a tin today.

However, we used to buy enough tobacco to last us a fortnight for £8 from a man my cousin knows through her local workingmens club - it wasn't great quality but it was a massive saving. You can also get cans of beer for something like 8p from Sainsburys, though I have no reviews to share on that front, as I hate beer and can't imagine cheaper stuff would be any nicer.

So actually a smoking and drinking habit can be considerably cheaper than nappies and formula, and it would not have to be through wrong priorities that they end up short of nappies and formula but still with enough tobacco and alcohol - they could have bulk bought the tobacco and alcohol and still have some left, whereas nappies and formula are just to expensive too bulk buy, meaning they're more likely to run out on weeks where, for example, there's a bank holiday weekend which means their wages come in a few days later than usual which they hadn't planned for or expected.

Introducin' y'all to my working class roots, yo.

The family in question in the OP have never bothered with us beofre this instance other than what has been stated.

they only want stuff from you, they are not neighbourly. So you are not BU to say no to the nappies etc. but i think you should try to be more friendly to them generally.

hairylemonbegan the cooking only became a thing that happened when our neighbours to the left got to know us and then it became a thing. The family in question didn't start this and they lived on the road before we moved here late last year. When we moved in they didn't say hello or anything.

LadyBeagleEyes their children are much older than DS a just over a month the houses to the left have either recently had babys or are due, so they are more agae appropriate children for our DS.

5inthebed the police were there on another matter and one of the PC's got talking to us and we mentioned it in passing.

BabylannShallFall there is a Tesco Metro just around the corner that was open over the bank holiday weekend. From what friends tell me that people on low incomes recieve milk tokens so not a real issue re having formula in.

WasabiTillyMint thank you. We are not unfriendly as such it is just our roads so to speak have yet to intertwine.

xx

How do you know they're low income, or at least, their income is low enough for them to be eligible for milk tokens? We weren't eligible for anything like that, but I'd dare anyone to say we weren't struggling to make ends meet for at least 6 months after DD was born.

My point was actually that their wages might have been delayed by a few days because of the bank holiday. Low income doesn't always = on benefits.

Babylannshallfall how can you have been struggling if you could afford to spend $8 a cweek on tobacco? I think i wouldnt be happy to lend nappies etc to someone who claimed to be struggling if they could afford to smoke. $8 is a packet of 25 nappies i think..

Fair enough OP, sounds like your street has a fair amount of movers and shakers. I cant imagine why people must want to move away all the time.

But can I just comment on this because Im bored and cba watching Emmerdale

"BabylannShallFall there is a Tesco Metro just around the corner that was open over the bank holiday weekend. From what friends tell me that people on low incomes recieve milk tokens so not a real issue re having formula in. "

If the formula and nappies weren't for the scummers due to them having a toddler, it is possible that they are friends with people who dont necessarily qualify for milk tokens (people on benefits / low incomes do sometimes mix and are friends with people who work) and might have just got caught short. When I go to my mates to compare scrounging success stories I dont always take my purse so it might not have just been a case of nipping to Tesco Metro.

angelicstar that is my thinking. It was also mentioned by another neighbour that Aldi does a pack of nappies for under £2 and wipes for 79p so not expensive in the scheme of things.

xx

angelic Im guessing you have never been physically addicted to a substance, but thats a whole other debate.

hairylemon it is a fair point but it goes back to the giving something up for child/children. xx

please see my previous post, or try walking into a rehab centre and telling them to "give it up" xx

No ive never been addicted to anything. I understand people are addicted to tobacco and how they prioritise thaier budget is up to them, but they then need to deal with the consequences of their choices i.e. if they had chosen to spend money on tobacco instead of spare nappies surely they cant then expect someone else to bale them out?

Id be inclined to agree if it was a regular thing. In this case it isnt even relevant as the nappies and milk werent for the smokers.

angelicstar we have a very similer outlook on life it would seem.

hairylemon no I didn't see the visitors which again me as there were no additional cars on the road and nobody passed the house but that is not to say that they weren't there.

xx

Well if it makes you happy to know you've denied a bag something purely on the basis of you not liking their parents, then there's something wrong.