to find excuses to walk past the builders working down the road because i'm secretly flattered by them whistling at me?

[mumofbumblebea]

and they are not even good looking?
I have self-esteem issues, don't I?

Oh for God's sake! Of course YANBU. Enjoy.

Shuffle up on the harpy branch, my wings and claws need an airing.

I know this was intended as a light-hearted thread but I am genuinely astounded that intelligent MNers are in any way flattered by being whistled at by workmen.

I'm not even going to get into the point that I don't need a random stranger, or group of them, to validate me/my looks/my femininity/my self-worth/my anything. But those of you who get a buzz, a kick, a lift, a 'still got it' moment from being whistled at...are you honestly deluding yourselves that there has been any objective value judgement made about you as an individual? At best you're a faceless device to allow the silly little boys to keep in with the playground bullies. At worst you're a faceless lump of walking fuckmeat.

If you don't believe me, or think I'm exaggerating or over-reacting, try this experiment the next time it happens to you. Let the whistler know in some way that you find his/their attentions unwelcome. I can guarantee that in five seconds flat you will go from being 'hot'/'fit'/'a babe'/whatever passes for a Neanderthal compliment theses days to a 'fat ugly slag' or 'miserable old dyke', and will get a glimpse into the anger, if not hatred that some men harbour towards women that they can't control. Do you still think it's worth giving their opinion some influence over how you feel about yourself?

A wolf-whistle is just the noise that's emitted when the tits-and-fanny radar goes off. And there's more to me than just my tits and my fanny.

I work with builders and have done for may years it is not something to boast about they are not selective about who they whistle at. The decent ones though (and there are some )don,t doit and consider themselves superior to the type that whistle in public. the builders I have used for about the last 5 years on all my projects have all had beautiful smart girlfriends and wives though and do,t see women as fair game thank god. To deliberately encourage this behaviour is tragic.

Well said fire. I decided not to take the thread in that direction as last time I did someone called me jealous predictably but worse someone suggested I get therapy if I found a group of hassling men threatening

If I get leered at I just find myself thinking "why would you be so arrogant as to assume you'd have ANY chance, mate?"

Still like catching a man giving me a sly glance though when he thinks I haven't noticed. That I do take as a compliment.

Great post Fireandashes.

Definitely a Marmite issue and I think it depends on the sort of person you are, if you've been intimidated in the past and how much this sort of this really means to your self-esteem. It doesn't bother me at all but I have a friend who hates it because she's overweight and thinks it draws attention to her in a way she doesn't like. I think both our viewpoints are acceptable.

What bugs me is when it becomes a feminist issue because that's playing right into the hands of men who do whistle. If a woman whistles at a man, they think it's great, end of story. If we ignored it, didn't get worked up, assumed they were invisible, it would do a hell of a lot more for the feminist cause than getting angry about it.

I think most women do ignore it. It is hardly going to encourage you to engage with these oafs

I assure you I am not mental. I do, however, have a sense of humour - it may not be the same as yours, but they say variety is the spice of life.

I think some women think any male attention = good.

Everyone likes a compliment. A compliment might be your dress is lovely or your hair is a beautiful colour. Not ooh you've got tits!

I do think it's a continuum of unwanted sexual behaviour with wolf whistling at one end and the more serious stuff at the other.

What FireandAshes said.

This is one of the most depressing threads I've read in a while.

but what's the harm in a whistle? if you don't like it surely it can be just ignored and no harm done.

Not finished reading the thread but really had to respond to this.

It is because whistling at someone is pointing them out and it's fucking rude.

Let's switch this around: I work at a university so there are often young men about. Let's imagine a female colleague and I walking down a road on campus and see a young man coming out of the gym. Can I point at him and go loudly 'Look at the thighs on that!'? Is that okay?

Or would that be totally inappropriate because I am an older woman, at work, and humiliating him in the street?

Let's not forget builders are at work. If they want to behave like twats on their own time, fine. But it is reasonable to expect them to behave with something approaching common decency when at work.

Also, I find it sad that women over the age of 35 or whatever suddenly seem to need this to boost their self-esteem.

I got whistled at lots when I was a teen / early 20s and hated it.

The last uni I worked at was doing some major building works and so there were contractors around all the time. They had a habit of whistling at the female students - me too, sometimes! - and I can tell you those young women did not find it flattering. They organised a petition to the VC to get that company taken off the contract, actually.

So the people it's most aimed at generally don't like it, find it intimidating/ inappropriate.

Even if you (sensibly) ignore it then you'll sometimes get follow-up comments of "stuck up cow" or worse. The only reaction which some of these men find acceptable from you is simpering, smiling acquiescence to their whistling and "compliments"

I think its sexual harassment. It's degrading, bullying behaviour by men. It is not a compliment. It is meant to degrade and harass. It is the objectification of women's bodies and is part of rape culture.

This is why:

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/catcalls-whistles-groping-the-everyday-picture-of-sexual-harassment-in-london-7786185.html

www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/statistics/statistics-academic-studies/

Exactly, I've had too many street/transport assaults that we are just expected to brush off.

Back in the day when I got the whole 'tits and arse' nonsense I used to turn round, stride towards the offenders and ask them to repeat what they said as I was sure I must have misheard them. Most were too cowardly to do so and apologised, to which I would simply say "bet your wife/mum would be really proud of you" and walk away.

If they didn't apologise I used to say "Don't take it out on me just because you have a tiny dick", which normally caused their mates to laugh and jeer at them - which proved my point of earlier that most of it is really just the equivalent of a gorilla beating its chest.

I absolutely refused to be intimidated by these goons. What's the biblical saying? "They are as sounding brass and tinkling cymbals, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.? Or summat.

I don't think they're particularly discerning. Even I, at my ancient age, attract wolf-whistles when unaccompanied by the children. I always pretend not to have heard, of course.

Happy to join the 'harpies'. Completely inappropriate, 'women as objects' behaviour.
(But OP, you have responded v well to thread, and appear to have taken responses in spirit given.)

FFS Jesus wept! It is not flattering. It's a form of low level sexism, objectifying women. This is a really sad, depressing thread. Why would you need your self-esteem bolstered by some leering bloke whistling at you with his arse hanging out?

These kind of men used to whistle at me when I was a child - 13, 14 & 15, then througthout my teens, but then not nearly as much when I was in my early 20s. And once I put on weight then not at all.

Does this not give you some insight as to the kind of man who does this?

It's not a compliment FFS!

Even ignoring it makes me feel temporarily cross. And engaging with it on any level makes me shudder.

But actually I want all of them to stop doing it.

How much nicer is the world when you get to walk around it without the leering and whistling (I'd put them in the same camp).

And they have to find a more civilised mode of address if that's what they want to do. I'd love to silence all that low level stuff.

haha! - at original post. first time I have smiled all day...