to find excuses to walk past the builders working down the road because i'm secretly flattered by them whistling at me?

[mumofbumblebea]

and they are not even good looking?
I have self-esteem issues, don't I?

I also find it creepy.

Builder round the corner from me whistled at me recently as I walked past after smiling and saying hello (I'm rural so normal to say hello to people in the street) and the fact he then whistled just felt very creepy.

I then had to walk back past him to collect DD from playgroup and it was very awkward. It certainly didn't feel like a compliment.

MN has really started to time travel-backwards I have seen many threads commenting on how it has changed for the worse and now I have seen it for myself

I don't like it and I don't like some of the implications that if the builder is fit it is fine but if he is ugly/old it is somehow more intimidating

made me think of a story in the papers recently about an army guy who defended himself against rape accusations by saying he was too good looking for it not to have been consensual

Agree with PlumSykes. Amazing how quickly things turn sour or aggressive if you don't simper obediently and gratefully at their "compliments".

I'm surprised by the replies. I've always hated it. I think it's intimidating and intrusive and downright annoying. I hate the idea of a group of men feeling all macho and together at the expense often of one outnumbered woman.

I think a lot depends on the intention and the situation.

There's a big difference when the intention is to intimidate - even if you can't put your finger on it, it sets the spider sense going and my instinct is to get the fuck out.

However (and maybe not the builder situation, but certainly in my clumsy compliment from the elderly gent example) there are occasions where the intention is to joke/banter/flirt a little just done in a not terribly PC way - and that can be an ego boost but also have a little edge of "maybe I shouldn't really have appreciated that and possibly said something to educate".

But I still did really appreciate being serenaded by a customer. If only because I've had bloody miserable customers all week and it was nice to not only have a non-grumpy one, but to have one who thought I was a little bit beautiful. Sorry. I've let the side down, I know.

i think there is a big difference between a playful wolfwhistle and asking me for a shag and shouting comments. i think a wolfwhistle by itself is what it is, a bit cheeky and essentially, whether you like it or not, harmless. disgusting comments, in my opinion, is an entirely seperate issue.

But if you don't like it and it intimidates you and makes you feel uncomfortable when even just approaching a building site, then it's not really that harmless. And I'm no shrinking violet.

Exactly hownoo.

Hownoo i don't understand why a wolfwhistle would make you feel that intimidated and uncomfortable. i genuinely don't. i know some people have had some awful experiences but surely there is a big difference between those and a whistle? lewd comments, i hate as well. but what's the harm in a whistle? if you don't like it surely it can be just ignored and no harm done.

Yes but it's that feeling when you approach of, will you be harassed, laughed at, whistled at, lewd comments made, judged by a bunch of arses who think it's hilarious or they are doing you a favour. to make one woman possibly uncomfortable for their own amusement and sense of entitlement. I guess we approach these things very differently.

am completely with hownoo

you don't even need to have had worse experiences to feel intimidated byt that kind go behaviour

Why should anyone get to pass judgement on what makes another woman intimated and uncomfortable? It isn't up to hownoo to make mumofbumblebea understand the feeling she has when a man unknown to her makes an unwelcome gesture based on nothing other than the fact that he is a man, she is a woman, and he is making assumptions based on that.

Ignore the whistle, as some have said, and see how harmless it all is in many instances.

I cannot believe that there are so many women who think this is all harmless and fun, and that those of us who do not feel that way are just all jealous harridans who are sucking the enjoyment out of life. That there are girls AND boys being taught that this is all fine and just the way things are makes me despair.

This forum has so many women with ideas and beliefs which make it a haven at times - what's happened recently?

'Intimidated' not 'intimated' - my brain's going due to old bag feminist PC jealousy.

Other then that Its damn right rude. If you want someone's attention then you speak to them not bloody whistle.

Like I said before, you whistle to an animal not another person.

I used to get whistled at from when I was 13. (I had boobs and looked older, but not that much older. I was a tomboy FFS!)

When I was 14 / 15 I got so used to unwanted attention when I left the house that I didn't even mention it when i got home as it was just a part of everyday life, growing up in North London. Mostly it was just wolf whistles or comments, but also weirdos approaching me / following me. Once when I was waiting for the bus, aged 14, a guy asked me if I was a prostitute (I was dressed in black combat trousers, a black t-shirt and black DMs, hardly provocative). When i said no, he tried to get me to come with him anyway to "earn an easy £20".

I was followed in the street by a gang of scary guys in a car, and had to run and hide to get away from them. One guy tried to drag me into his car one day.

But mostly it was wolf whistles from guys hanging about or working, every time I left the house.

They don't do it now I'm old and fat. But if they did I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. I don't see it as a compliment, not one bit.

twirlyagogo
*Ignore the whistle, as some have said, and see how harmless it all is in many instances.

I cannot believe that there are so many women who think this is all harmless*

it was harmless. i am sat in my living room unharmed.

It isn't up to hownoo to make mumofbumblebea understand the feeling she has when a man unknown to her makes an unwelcome gesture based on nothing other than the fact that he is a man, she is a woman, and he is making assumptions based on that.
isn't this a discussion forum? i asked a question,hownoo responded, we obviously see it differently, i can accept that. if hownoo didn't want to to respond she could have said she didn't feel comfortable, that woud have also been fine with me. if you enter a discussion then surely you accept that you are going to be asked questions?

Well, t the risk of (not so) steal boasting, I'm on he receiving end of pretty regular whistles - although they tend to be white van men rather than builders - and flattering it is not.

Why would it be? Sorry mate, I can do better. Way better.

I don't get why you'd be flattered by the the attention of someone with no discernment whatsoever, and who would probably hump a lamp-post if it would put out.

I mean, you don't see the likes of James Bond wolf-whistling at women, do you?! Men that can actually get women don't really need to wolf whistle, is all I'm saying...

I'm going to be honest and admit I cringe a bit inside when a women admits to finding such crumbs flattering. :-/

As an aside, I passed a young girl, about 14, walking past a group of 3 lads about the same age as her recently, doing the whole phwoar, loaded comments bit and the fear was practically emanating off her. :( It was awful. It was daylight and there were people around, but I waited until she had got to a safe point before walking on. I was shaken just from witnessing it...

No, I think it's pretty pathetic, I'm afraid.

NurseBernard you're probably less flattered because you're more used to it than me lol. tbh i agree, i wouldn't go near a bloke that wolf whistled at women with a barge pole, i also feel i can do better (and have with hubby). ah i don't know, i think after no sleep with DD2 i'm pleased to still be put into the "woman" category...

that incident you witnessed with teenagers sounds horrible. i find it disturbing that children can talk that way to other children.

nursebernard. - I think that's part of it. I remember as a very young teenager walking by groups of boys. The comments would usually be along the lines of 'show us your beaver' and 'fancy a shag' being some of the more polite ones. I see the builders comments to probably be these young shites all grown up now. They seem to think that women or (young girls) should just be grateful for their attention. I also hate the pack mentality of many against one, especially given that women are generally more vulnerable and more likely to suffer sexual assault from men.

Exactly, brooncoo.

I don't mean to make you feel bad mum - just pointing out that all of us can do better than a wolf-whistler. :)

"old bag feminist PC jealousy"

aaaand...bingo.

It is clear that there are different situations where men eye you up.

I have zero problem with men checking me out. If they are hot, so much the more so. I have a partner, but I'm more than happy to share a couple of flirty glances on the train.

I do have a problem with feeling like public property for men to comment on. I don't go around passing comment on people's attractiveness, people who I don't know and will never know, and I expect the same respect. If a whistle boosts your self-esteem, great, but it's more than likely they've done the same to every other woman who's walked past that day. Those men don't fancy you, they just see you as fair game to show to their mates about.

I am heartily sick of being bothered in clubs and pubs when I make it clear I'm not interested. This whistling and catcalling is all part of that same bullshit where certain men feel entitled to attention from women.

Eh?! You want to be wolf-whistled? Why? I'm 25 so get it a lot and I find it rude, embarrassing and a bit creepy.