AIBU to be annoyed at a so called female 'friend' demanding to go on my fiancee's stag do?

[RidingHood]

We are getting married next month and as such my husband to be is having a stag night on the 16th - he has a small group of male friends and they will be going on the stag do along with male members of both our families.

One problem is that one of his friend's girlfriend has invited herself to the stag party and I am not particularly happy about this. My fiancee has insisted that she mentioned going with them and he didn't say she could or couldn't but she claims that he said she was more than welcome.

I told him he had to put her straight but instead he got his best man to tell her, and I have now heard all sorts about her calling me a b**ch and basically calling me behind my back - but I really don't think it is unreasonable of me to expect the stag party to be purely male.

She doesn't have any female friends (which makes me wary in the first place) and all the other guys seem to be backing her and saying 'she's one of the lads'. She has even invited one of the other boys fiancees to the party as well - which it is not her place to do so.

So am I being overly insecure or unreasonable or am I right to stand my ground and expect a traditional and respectful approach? I just want everything to be proper!

LEQueen - no I wouldn't ve with a bloke who liked that either, but it doesn't mean that I like simpery women either, they are pathetic!

i have both female and male friends and i love them all for their different personalities etc....

but that doesnt mean i would push myself or invite myself to a stag do...in fact many occasions when male friends have had stags...i have not been invited...does it upset or hurt me...no as a stag is for men....i personally wouldnt want to be put in the situation of ogling strippers, watching my friend tied to a tree naked etc or any of the usual antics that go on at stag dos...i wouldnt want to hear the captain caveman antics neither

seems to me the gf is a control freak who suffers from beadyeyeonbfitis....she has to keep him line, watch what he is up to, she sounds like a nightmare

agree with other posters about the type of women who latch onto men to be the centre of attention...i have met only a few in my time thankfully

Thanks to everybody for your posts, it's really given me several different perspectives on things.

I spoke to my DHTB and apologised for being selfish and/or unreasonable and admitted it was not my business who goes on his stag night.

I explained that my reasons for being uncomfortable with the situation were that 1. It is a stag night and we are very traditional and neither party will be mixed sex

1. If I am to be excluded from his stag night then why should any other woman be there
2. She's taking advantage of his good nature by having the bare faced cheek to invite herself and then invite another woman (who is one of the other friends' gf not her friend)

I told him that I love him, trust him and want him to have a good night with whomever he chooses to. I also asked him to tell me what I could do to make the situation better.

He thanked me for the apology, told me it wasn't necessary and explained that he'd have been just as put out if my best friends husband was coming on my hen.

Then he said that he thinks she has been totally unreasonable and he wont be seeing at his stag night nor at our wedding.

I do regret causing all this fuss, but as it is my DHTB and I's wedding, I think it is important that we are both comfortable with every aspect of it, even those things that may seem insignificant to everybody else.

Anyway I'm glad it's over. All I've got to deal with no is the bridesmaids bitching about not liking the shoes I have picked out for them!

I will admit to enjoying "mixed" company socialising more than all female things because I grew up in a very male-dominated household but I would hate to be the only female amongst a group of blokes.
It would be all work/cars/golf/football/rugby or other things I know very little about.
I much prefer to talk about shoes and handbags ...

Not really

So, to all those who thought the men really wanted random girlfriend X on the stag do, you were wrong. They didn't.

She may think she's 'one of the lads' and the lads may nod and smile along with her - as lads are wont to do; not usually ones for making a fuss - but actually they're thinking she's just as cringeworthy as everyone else who can see right through her.

I think AThing was right after all...

I'm glad it's been sorted, Riding.

Oh - thanks for the update OP!

Glad you spoke to your H2B and sorted it all out - she did sound very needy this woman.

Riding - glad you got it sorted.

I think apologising was a good move and I hope this becomes the non-event that it is.

The important thing is that the two of you are getting married - only people who love and care for you and wish for your happiness need to be involved - so it's no loss if she's not there. I hope you have a fantastic day.

"It is a stag night and we are very traditional"

Oh shit. Prepare yourself for a call from your DP wailing that he's been tarred and feathered then.

To be honest Major from what the BM has said, that's highly likely!

Well why do you care anyway? Don't get the post. If she gets the cold shoulder from the guys then she will probably leave early.

By making a fuss she can go around calling you a jealous bitch and enjoy doing so.

Grow up, concentrate on your weddi g and married life together.

This I's a silly issue to be concerned with.

I think I'd be rather more concerned about that than I would a woman attending the celebrations but each to their own, RidingHood. The woman might have even prevented it happening and your DP ending up buck naked and tied to a lampost in Calais.

So does being 'traditional' extend to not living together before you get married?

Or does it just extend to the pre wedding piss up?

Hi just caught up sorry, great riding, well done and enjoy the wedding.

Well I think it's fucking weird that she wants to go on the stag do.

I have got lots of male friends, I live with three blokes (I am single and childless) but I wouldn't DREAM of going on their stag do, it's for the men, it's tradition and I think regardless of how well she gets on with them all she shouldn't come. There are plenty of other social events she can socialise at, but not the stag do.

She wouldn't have prevented she would have encouraged it I think.

I have made the effort to be friends with this woman on several occasions but she just does not like me, I don't know why.

But that's not the point I was making anyway - it wasn't personal to her it's just the underhanded way she has invited herself and then manipulated everybody.

I'm so glad you sorted it. sounds like your glad to be rid of her.

maybe you can gloat after your big day with your stunning photos, good luck on your big day.

I completely agree with you op about this woman inviting herself along to her boyfriends friends stag do, but disagree with what you said about her not having any femal friends.

I prefer male company to female company, I always have even when I was a young child i'd play with boys and not bother with female friendships. I feel more relaxed in male company and find female friends to be more hard work (although I think thats related to me being very conscious of the different dynamics of female relationships and worrying about getting it 'wrong').

I don't tag along with dp's friends, infact I usually leave him to it with his own friends and I have my own separate male friends. It's not about flirting either as many of my male friends are either in a serious relationship, married or gay. The few female friends that I do have are very tomboyish too.

All the guys say that she wants and needs female friends, and as far as I know she tries to make them (except with me for some reason) but she still doesn't have any.

She has lived in the area for a couple of years now. I do find it very odd.

Anyway, I don't want to verbally bash her, I don't agree with what she has done and I don't think she has any manners, but I can see how she may feel about this situation if, as somebody suggested, my DHTB did tell her she was welcome and was then less than truthful with me...I'll never know.

Glad it´s sorted, OP, but I´m a bit confused tbh.

She invited herself, her boyfriend said no, she cried & then for some reason thought that she was invited?

What about your fiance´s friends who have been forbidden to go?

I agree it would have been better if OP had said nothing & her fiance had sorted it out-but hey ho-I´ll let her have that for her Bridzilla moment

The four of them, the two friends and girlfriends, have now said that they wont be going. DHTB does not seem too bothered though.

I just think it's sad that the only real victim in this is DHTB. I do feel bad about stating how I felt, but I thought that's what you do when something bothers you.

It all sounds quite unfortunate.

I mean your STBH could have said he didn´t mind & would leave it as it was.

His friends aren´t really friends, are they?

I assume none of the four will be going to the wedding either?

They have already been invited so DHTB thinks we should leave it and if they turn up just ignore them. I don't want to rock the boat any more so I'm gonna go with it.

So the GFs who were going to go to the stag do have now told their BFs that they can't go either? Or the BFs have said "if they can't go then we won't either".

TBH - none of them sound like any great loss!

Either the boyfriends are happy to be told what they can or cannot attend by their girlfriends or they think their girlfriends should get to tag along to everything?