AIBU to be annoyed at a so called female 'friend' demanding to go on my fiancee's stag do?

[RidingHood]

We are getting married next month and as such my husband to be is having a stag night on the 16th - he has a small group of male friends and they will be going on the stag do along with male members of both our families.

One problem is that one of his friend's girlfriend has invited herself to the stag party and I am not particularly happy about this. My fiancee has insisted that she mentioned going with them and he didn't say she could or couldn't but she claims that he said she was more than welcome.

I told him he had to put her straight but instead he got his best man to tell her, and I have now heard all sorts about her calling me a b**ch and basically calling me behind my back - but I really don't think it is unreasonable of me to expect the stag party to be purely male.

She doesn't have any female friends (which makes me wary in the first place) and all the other guys seem to be backing her and saying 'she's one of the lads'. She has even invited one of the other boys fiancees to the party as well - which it is not her place to do so.

So am I being overly insecure or unreasonable or am I right to stand my ground and expect a traditional and respectful approach? I just want everything to be proper!

It's up to your hubby who he has at his do. Keep your nose out!

and all the other guys seem to be backing her and saying 'she's one of the lads

Is that not irrelevant since it's not "the other guys" stag do?

Women cannot be friends with men now then?

WTAF?! Who has said that and where have they said it? Athing is talking about that breed of woman who deliberately targets groups of men as friends (often adopting her boyfriends social group) and tries to make herself the centre of attention. She then makes her boyfriend look a fool, herself look ridiculous and loses the respect of both the men and women involved in that circle. They are sad and rather silly.

No one has said that every woman who has a male friend is like that! Well done, you get the gold for jumping to conclusions!

YANBU. I'd be a bit if a woman wanted to go on an all male stag do. I only have one close female friend but even I wouldn't assume it's ok to go on the stag do. I'd probably go to the brides hen do as I have before.

"Women cannot be friends with men now then?"

Nope. That's not even close to what I said.

"And you wonder why some of us aren't so keen on our own sex?"

No, I don't wonder. I know well why some of you dislike other women as a matter of policy.

Being proud of the fact that you don't get on well with other women is embarrassing.

"What you've said sounds relevant to what we've been told about the woman under discussion but it's a hell of a generalisation to apply to all Women who might go out occasionally as "one of the boys"."

Going out occasionally "as one of the boys" is not the same as being the kind of woman who doesn't like other women.

bogey - absolutely :o

bogey, I didn't say I don't like women, as friends or as people. I said that with one exception my friends are male.

Daisy, help me out here. Explain to those who don't get it how it just isn't possible to be sexy and simpering while you're wrapped up like a mummy on a bitter December afternoon, screaming at Lampard to pass the bloody ball to Torres while the rain drips off your nose! Please!

I can't be bothered Wen you're a woman and I don't get on with them ;)

and even more so you're a Chelski fan!!

I've been on a stag night before, it was a friend of mine, I wasn't friends with his future wife but I had been close friends with him for years.

Get over yourself. Worra is completely right, all you're mentioning is you.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe the reason he's claiming he's not said anything definitive to her is because you've scared the shit out of him by flying off the handle at something so small?

But purple - her df did not invite the loony cow and she is not his close friend!

Athinginyourlife - I get what you are saying completely - unfortunately there are some women like that (who can't stand other women, want to be the centre of every man's attention an so 'simpery'

You're mad, she's mad, Your fiance is lame

Athing is right there are women like that. most have male and female freinds and have a balance between the two.

Daisy, how could you be so unkind!

Drogba's not ours any more, I'm grieving, grieving I tell ya!

its op's wedding too.

the gastly woman is at fault, and her df for not standing up to her.

Athinginyourlife has correctly identified a type

Wen highlights the other type - the grim I'm one of the lads. Can you believe Wen that lots of women know the offside rule or how to many mpg a car can do or even down a pint in four seconds. A group of female friends with "male" interests isn't the same though is it...

I know a woman who I think is exactly the type AThing is referring to.

She worked with one of my male friends and tagged along to all his 'guy's nights' (which in our 20s involved a lot of drinking and kebabs). She was always the only girl there and prior to meeting her I'd heard loads of comments from him about how she was 'one of the lads' and how much beer she could drink etc.

When I finally met her at a New Years Eve party she didn't look at me but spent the whole night flirting with my boyfriend (who was introduced to her at the same time as me) my friend and all the guys there. And yes, she was laughing wildly at all their crap jokes etc. Basically all the flirty cliches you can think of.

I thought it was rather hilarious.

I've always had friends of both sexes. What I hate are women who act differently around men. I find it annoying and quite pathetic really.

oh dear wen, seems we can't win either way here!

Paperback- it says she claims that df said she was more than welcome, although it doesn't say if df admitted or denied that he said that.

I can't take this seriously, I really can't. But hey, I'll play. Sure, nothing, there are lots of women who know the offside rule, how many mpg a car can do and even down a pint fast (I don't go for doing that one ). There just weren't any in my contacts within my profession in the motor trade or in my referee's club when I was striking out as an adult and forming grown up relationships. That's just the way it went. (And no, I don't pick my male friends from DH's circle as someone suggested "women like me" do, I'm not into golf or fishing ).

I'm not put up nor down by 'mens women'.

I agree that those women who cannot seem to get along with other women are lacking. Truthfully though, they are rare. The vast majority of women hang out with other women....very few have NO female friends...so there must be something fucked up when a person dismisses 50% of the population straight away.

However, I can't bring myself to care about them. They don't affect me. If my dh's mate's gf invited herself along to his stag night, my dh wouldn't protest and I wouldn't care. It wouldn't be an issue.
The last thing I would be doing is creating about it. I am laid back and do not go about falling out with people over pap like this.

Give it up. Who cares.
And I mean that with the best of intentions. I don't know how better to advise the OP.