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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This is what a 15 year old has just posted on face book to my 76 year old MIL

436 replies

RabidAnchovy · 26/05/2012 20:29

I HAVE TOLD THE SCHOOL, I AM GOING TO SPEAK TO HIS MOTHER AND i THINK MIL SHOULD CTELL THE POLICE.

AIBU to think what a vile excuse for a child

If you're loving your pension keep your mouth shut. your name reminds me of something .. AN ESCAPED OLD PEOPLE'S HOME OLD WOMAN WHO HAS MADE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT THOUGHT SHE'D DO THE OLD EXPERIENCED LIFE LIVER THING AND TRY BE FUNNY WHO HAS A ALBUM CALLED 'My eye' HAS SAGGY OLD TITS HASN'T HAD SEX SINCE THE POPE WAS ALIVE.
shut up you old bag, I'd put my dick in your arse and fuck you till you love me

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 02/06/2012 18:16

Happy sweet 16th (do boys have sweet 16ths?) to your ds, Rabid :)

Kayano · 02/06/2012 18:23

This thread is shocking!

Imagine if this little shit goes on to actually rape an old woman... Your own mother even

And all his peers and the police hadn't acted at all despite threats of the nature being in the public domain

Bet you would be having different thoughts on the right of the child and 'free speech' then!

LapisBlue · 02/06/2012 18:29

The lack of respect towards women, the viciousness, the violence, obviously learnt very young from somewhere nice on the tinterweb. Hope his mother is proud.

ToothbrushThief · 02/06/2012 18:38

...and his father Lapis. Problems are not always down to a mother

Kayano · 02/06/2012 18:39

His mother is the one prioritising a BBQ over the police

HillyWallaby · 02/06/2012 18:50

I too am appalled that he went to the barbecue over attending a police interview, but I would reserve my judgement on the mother at this stage.
I mean this with the greatest of respect, but how many of you talking about imposing sanctions, and not allowing him out etc, have actually had experience of dealing with a stroppy, arrogant, thoroughly nasty 15 year old who is bigger than you? If you have much younger children then you will no doubt be imagining how you would march them to the police station, and imagining how they would shamefacedly stay in their rooms because you told them to - but the reality is often very different when the time comes.

For all we know his mother may have tried really hard to get him to attend, but if he just doesn't give a fuck and pushes her aside and refuses to comply then there is little she can do. There is no mention of the father, and if he is not on the scene then it is pretty likely that a boy like this (who sounds angry, warped, aggressive, bullying and woman-hating) will be quite skilled at intimidating and overruling his mother.

Perhaps she is just fobbing the police off with excuses while trying to talk the boy round. Maybe she is a useless, pathetic arse who doesn't give a damn, and it's all her fault, or maybe she is a good mum, desperately ashamed of what he has done, but is out of her depth, ground down, fearful and in need of support in dealing with him.

Just sayin'.

(as an aside, if I were his headmaster I would have banned him from attending the leavers' barbecue anyway.)

RabidAnchovy · 02/06/2012 20:00

DS1 went to the BBQ and he phoned me when it was over to ask if he could go to a friends house, because despite being 16 tomorrow he is a child and I am his parent (well one of them Grin)

Thank you for his birthday wishes, no he is not having a "sweet 16" we went for a meal last night with family and friends, tomorrow he is going to a theame park and Monday we are having a jubilee BBQ

OP posts:
1950sHousewife · 02/06/2012 20:19

Rabid anchovy - I followed this thread as well and I think you have handled it fantastically well.

FWIW, I used to work in a young offenders institute and there was a lad in there who was serving a sentence for something similar to this, not sexual, but something bad enough that they had to give him a custodial sentence. He was one of the nicest, politest boys in there - he had been on a scheme as a trainee chef and loved it (fortunately they were going to let him go back to it on his release) and it broke my heart that they couldn't have given him community service. He seemed way too fragile to be in there with so many violent lads.

The offense he did, he did when drunk and with mates. He was so ashamed and totally aware that he had massively screwed up. I'm not excusing this boy who wrote to your MIL, what I think he did was incredibly wrong on so many levels, but having seen another boy 'overpunished' for something like this, I hope that just a chat from the police will sort it out. I do think he and his mate probably egged each other on to be as grim as possible, which sometimes teenagers do.

(BTW - really Shock by the BBQ absense)
(BTW2 - I have changed a detail or two about the lad in prison to protect his identitiy and hope it is vague enough)

GinPalace · 02/06/2012 20:29

RabidAnchovy I agree with you no way would any son fo mine get to go to a BBQ when an appointment with a policeperson was waiting! Shock

Sounds like the Mum thinks saying despicable things is nothing to lose any privileges over - maybe that is why he is a horrid boy. :(

CeliaFate · 02/06/2012 20:41

Those of you who quite rightly say that no child of yours would be going to the leavers' bbq if they'd made those vile threats, I applaud you. I'd be the same. That's why I'm quite confident that none of our dc would make such sickening comments on an elderly lady's FB page.
Those of you who defend this boy and his threats - shame on you. This is why so many youngsters feel they can do or say anything with no repercussions; because of the lack of parenting they get.

LapisBlue · 02/06/2012 20:44

I call this the "seat kicking on a plane" syndrome.

You know:

"Excuse me, would you mind asking your son/daughter to stop kicking the back of my seat"

No answer, apart from a surly stare

Parent whispers to son/daughter:

"Go on, keep doing it..."

Nah nah nah, Don't CARE about anyone.

Kayano · 02/06/2012 21:33

I got attacked from behind by a 16 year old when I was 19.

Because of her age she was given chance after chance.

A talking to,
A chance to attend a meeting with police
A chance to do some community project thing
And lastly I got to choose a punishment for her (I chose cleaning graveyerds at night Grin)

All this effort by police to keep her record clean because of her age...

I was left scarred (just my leg than god and not my oh so beautiful face) and miserable.

The night she attacked me it was me who ended up sitting in the station all night giving a statement.

She didn't stick to anything or show remorse or do any punishment so I am very pleased to report that finally she did get an Assault conviction on her record at the age of 16.5

And she deserved it

Some people are just shuts regardless of age.

OP your son sounds wonderful! Happy birthday OPs son!

duchesse · 02/06/2012 22:47

I rest my case- these are totally the same kind of parents whose children do no wrong, ever, and who will stupidly back their child against everybody in the face of mountains of evidence because they mistakenly believe that's their role.

zippey · 03/06/2012 00:07

Sorry to hear about this, you should deffo take things further re parents and then police if no aplogy if forthcoming. Take screenshots too.

bruffin · 03/06/2012 07:36

Zippy
Op had done all that
1950s but I suspect that boy you were talking about showed some remorse once he realised what he had done.
the boy in this case doesn't appear to be bothered.

HillyWallaby · 03/06/2012 13:06

I think the internet is quite dangerous for giving kids a sense of bravado when it comes to bullying and threatening behaviour. I think some of them really do not join the dots together and think that they are traceable and accountable, and words on a screen really are just as bad as a threat made face to face.
And that there is a real live human being with feelings on the receiving end. Somehow, knowing what they say can be seen by hundreds of their peers seems to spur them on to say more and more outrageous, offensive and threatening things. Most of it is hot air to be honest, but this boy is a serious worry. There is something quite chilling about his choice of words.

cory · 03/06/2012 14:44

If my ds had pushed me aside to attend a school BBQ I would have:

a) rung the school to inform them that this was not with my sanction (and asked them to gate him)

b) informed the police that this was taking place without my sanction

There is no way I would take the rap and let either the police or the boy believe that I thought this was acceptable behaviour.

OhNoMyFanjo · 09/06/2012 06:36

Just pooped by to see if you know what happened yesterday. Hope ds had a fab birthday.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/06/2012 07:19

Gosh yes, any news?

I shan't poop, though Grin

OhNoMyFanjo · 10/06/2012 06:33
Blush
MyBaby1day · 12/06/2012 07:35

I'de personally go to the police.

Narketta · 12/06/2012 14:01

Have lurked on this thread from the beginning, hope all is well OP. Did the boy have his meeting with the police or did they have to arrest him?

Emmielu · 12/06/2012 14:13

this might cause an argument but im just curious. What is going to the school going to achieve? Was the comment made IN school? Using a school computer? If its outside of school then they cant control what happens or what is said. If it turns out the boy was on his phone doing it in school hours id say go ahead but otherwise, how do you expect the school to take action unless you know for sure it was in their time & grounds?

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 12/06/2012 15:45

I have gone to the school about the behaviour of one of their pupils outside school before and I would do so again. I think that generally it's a good idea for the HT to have an overall view of how a particular pupil behaves and what they are capable of when he thinks no-one in authority is watching him - especially if it is impacting on other pupils.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 12/06/2012 15:46

sorry for garbled mixed tenses there Confused